Her Tortured Bear

Chapter 3

Spending time alone was all I wanted when I was sent to rehab but now that I really am alone it feels that nothing could be worse than this. All the doctors had tested me for everything and when everything came back as negative they let me go but I was nothing more than the husk of the man that I had been in the life which seems like another one now.

Who would have thought that the thought of being in a place with loud sounds and all kinds of gregarious gathering makes me now cower with fear inside. The fear of being locked in the same state as I had been for the past six months. I had tried a lot, tried going out and getting a drink and talking to strangers but it seemed that after fifteen minutes I started losing my s**t. And I had the reputation of being the life of the party not long before that.

All had said that I was lucky to escape, lucky to be rescued when I was, lucky that I was even breathing but I did not feel lucky at all. I felt that it would have been better if I had died there in the hands of my captors.

When my mother had come to see me at the hospital after she had been informed that I was alive I could not recognize her. They had given me such heavy sedatives and medications that everything seemed blurred for the whole time being after I had been rescued. But that did not stop me from remembering every single detail of the room in which I had been locked for thirty-six days.

The cottage in which I am currently living now was made by my grandfather so that he could enjoy his solitude after Grandma passed away. The furnishings and everything in this place scream of only one thing which is modesty. I did not have any problem with that though. It rather makes me feel comfortable. With Jax as my companion and a silent one, I could have asked for nothing more. My sister wanted to me to visit home and spend time with the family at Thanksgiving but I could not tell her the truth that however supportive they were or love and care they bestowed on me I still felt uncomfortable in their presence. I could not connect with anyone anymore.

And that was the truth that I had to accept.

I was damaged.

Jax was as much damaged as I was which is the reason we had bonded so well. I connected with him at a level which others could not comprehend. His owner had been a sick bastard who used to beat him when he was pup and he had been rescued by a neighbor who could not bear his cries and whines any more. No one had wanted him and it had taken multiple surgeries to resurrect his body but now Jax was as good as new. When my therapist had suggested that I should have a companion, that was the first time probably he had been correct. I needed a companion, and he had not mentioned it that I needed a human companion. So my next stop had been at the animal shelter. The girl at the reception counter had shown me all the pups and the cute ones but I could not find the one I needed.

I had taken my time to find Jax. He was the only one who was cowering at the far end of the cage with the same look of fear in my eyes that I had seen countless times when I had seen myself in the mirror. It had not taken me more than a moment to decide that I wanted him.

I had made the correct choice. We both were damaged. We both were healing.

But just sitting back at home was not going to feed us both. So I had to get out of my small cottage and started my station wagon as Jax jumped up beside me. He loved riding with me unlike several other dogs I had seen. It was almost evening when we both drove to the grocery store.

Let’s just hope that I had not forgotten the list of things I needed to buy.

Finally I decided that I should probably visit my sister and her family. It was not the human connection that I craved, I had not have that craving lately but as a brother it was my duty to take care of my sister. And Jax loved playing with her kids whom I adored.

Rob and Bob were twins and seeing them running around the kiddie pool in their colour-matched clothes with their barbecue and everything in the yard used to make me fill with joy and hope when they were younger but it now only made everything worse.

But still I took a slab of chocolate ice-cream, a six-pack of Porthouse which went well with the steaks.. And a bottle of wine for my sister since she hated beer.

And I recalled that it was Thanksgiving which was exactly the reason that my sister had asked me to come by to their house. I liked the man she had married and they had kids as I said together. They were planning for even more. Jordan wanted a big family and Selene, my sister also loved kids. She was a teacher at the kindergarten and she had the reputation of being able to handle even the worst situations and the most pathetic cases as well. I hoped that she could have fixed me as well but I knew that it was just wishful thinking.

“Brother…oh my god..I was thinking if you could make it,” said Selene as she came out on the porch and hugged me.

“I know that you would have probably come and abducted me from the cottage if I did not show up,” said I as I handed her over the gifts.

“You know that you need not bring this every time you come to visit me?” asked Selene as she rolled her eyes and then we both went inside.

Jordan was sitting on the couch watching the game when he looked up at me and then got up from his seat and cast down his eyes reverentially as he should to the strongest one, Alpha of the Pack. The pack of the Mountain Bears, the largest one of North America whose entire responsibility would be mine once my father stepped down.

 I hugged the man. He was a good man and he made my sister absolutely happy. He was an orphan cub of the pack who had been brought up by the Healer of our pack.  So naturally he chose medicine as his profession.