Broken Mate, Fixed By Fate

09 ~ Unexpected therapy

“Call me ASAP.”

Once again, I deleted the message and went to bed, closing my eyes tight, wishing Elijah would be back soon so he could take me to the Crystal Cave.

The hawthorn flowers are not working. I will need stronger magic to heal me.

The next day, I woke up to the sound of the wind howling and rattling my window, followed by the occasional battering of the rain against the glass.

Drat. It looks like there’s no visiting the Crystal Cave today either.

I glance balefully at the stormy sky while having breakfast with Maria who has just finished eating and has already started to prepare something for lunch.

She moves around the kitchen like a well-oiled precision machine, and I wonder fleetingly if she even looks at the things she’s doing. I’d offer to help her out again, but after yesterday’s disaster with the carrots, let’s just say it’s better if I steer clear of knives and vegetables. Also salt and pepper.

Definitely need to stay away from salt and pepper.

“It just takes a long time to prepare, but this is Elija’s favorite,” Maria tells me. “Ossobuco alla Milanese. It’s an Italian dish—cross-cut veal shanks braised with vegetables, white wine, and broth. It’s actually not that difficult to make, but it takes a bit of time for the meat to become tender and I prefer slow cooking than using that infernal pressure cooker—”

I stare at her with blank eyes. She is speaking in a different language, for all I know.

She chuckles. “I know, I know, I should have listened to Lila when she told me not to let you loose in my kitchen.” She clicks her tongue when we hear the rain begin to pour harder. “I do hope Elijah will be able to make it in time, but in this weather, it’s more likely he’ll just stay in the city until it improves a little.”

But Elijah returns exactly in time for lunch and asks us to just give him a few minutes to shower and get out of his wet shoes. He comes down ten minutes later, freshly showered and relaxed, the wonderful scent of his cologne wafting across the table when he finally sits down.

“Ahh… I knew coming home was worth it. Thanks Mum!”

Maria smiles fondly and kisses him on the head. “Anything for my favorite son!”

He laughs. “I’m your only son.”

She grins. “And that’s why I can easily say that without worrying of offending anybody.”

I can certainly understand why this dish is Elija’s favorite. The meat melts in my mouth and I almost moan at the incredibly creamy flavor. I’m not particularly fond of tomatoes but this sauce is to die for!

“That good, huh?”

I snap my eyes open, not even realizing I have closed them while chewing, as I enjoy the explosion of flavors in my mouth. My face turns red as tomato sauce when I see Elijah’s teasing smile.

Maria taps him with a wooden spoon. “If she stops eating, you’re not getting a second helping!”

His jaw drops comically and I could not help giggling, which makes mother and son turn to me in surprise, which of course makes me blush even more.

Elijah stares at me but addresses his mother. “Mum, hit me again with the spoon, I think she likes that.”

I roll my eyes at his silly antics, but I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from giggling again. To distract myself, I turn to my plate and dip a piece of bread on the sauce, popping it in my mouth and doing it again, this time with the meat.

Maria’s grin is so wide it looks like it hurts. Elijah grabs her wooden spoon and gently pokes his mother back with it.

“Someone’s gloating,” he teases her.

“Oh, hush, you!” Maria grabs her spoon back. “Don’t mind him, sweetie. Just eat as much as you want, we have plenty. And you!” She points the wooden spoon threateningly at her son. “If you don’t start eating I will take away that plate—”

Elijah digs in, finishing the whole lot quicker than humanly possible and stands up to get himself a second helping.

I am almost sorry that my stomach’s capacity is still adjusting. I finish everything on my plate but I’m already too full to eat more so I push my plate away with an apologetic look.

But Maria goes around the table and embraces me tightly while I’m sitting and kisses the top of my head. “Good girl, you ate a whole serving this time. Don’t worry, I know you’re still adjusting. You can have it again for dinner if you want.”

I nod. I would like that very much, yes ma’am.

I never knew my mother, I was just a baby when our parents died, and Lila is the closest thing I have for one. My sister did the best she could and I really can’t complain, however, at this moment, I can’t help but envy Elijah for this wonderful, warm creature who makes the best food in the world and is overflowing with motherly affection. Who is stern when necessary but sweet enough to soften the blow.

My hero-worship is cemented when Maria puts a slice of strawberry cheesecake in front of me.

“There’s always room for dessert, though, am I right?”

I nod fervently, embracing Maria tightly and burying my face on her apron as I seem to have the strongest urge to sob all of a sudden. Or throw up, I’m not really sure because I’m so full.

“Oh, sweetie…it’s all right.”

At his mother’s signal, Elijah steps out of the room discreetly, carrying his plate and grabbing a bunch of bread to bring with him. Maria sits down on the chair next to me.

“This is a safe place, sweetie. If there’s anything you need, just let us know, okay?”

I nod, but my tears still will not fall. All I know is that I feel very sad all of a sudden and my chest feels heavy. The thought of food making me feel better instead of the man I love just feels so wrong. I take a deep breath and look at Maria, hoping she would understand.

“It’s okay… take all the time you need to heal. Don’t force the tears, they will come when you’re ready to let go of them.” She sighs. “Lila thinks you don’t cry because you can’t accept what happened and are still hoping it’s all just a bad dream… But I think it’s something else…” She grabs my spoon and takes a piece of cake before offering it to me and I open my mouth to accept it. Like everything Elijah’s mother prepares, it tastes absolutely divine.

“Maybe…Maybe you can’t cry because you feel like he’s not worth it? Because deep inside, you know you don’t deserve what he did to you and crying can seem like a surrender…that he actually succeeded in breaking you. It’s pride, I think, which is good too,” she tells me reassuringly, but her tone becomes a tad gentler with her next words. “...if only… if only it’s not hurting you instead. All that pain and anger inside…it can’t be good for you, love.”

Maybe she’s right but at that moment, I can only stare at her in silence.

She smiles and gives me back my spoon. “Well, don’t worry, you’ll get there eventually. Already I have made you eat like a normal person again. Give it time and one day, we can break that dam and you can finally let it all go, which will make you feel loads lighter. And then you will talk again. In the meantime, let’s call Elijah back because I bet he’s already finished everything on his plate and already wants a third helping.”

I nod and continue to eat my cheesecake, inwardly seething, even though I know she means well and that she’s only genuinely concerned about me.

You think I don’t want to feel better!? I wanted to snap. Do you think I enjoy feeling this heaviness on my chest every single day? That I like waking up in the morning miserable even though it’s a beautiful day outside? I don’t! I hate it! But I can’t cry! I don’t know how!

Elijah wanders back into the kitchen as if nothing happens, he resumes teasing his mother as if he only stepped out of the room for a second for a completely different reason.

I focus on my cheesecake. The one good thing in my life right now.

Okay, maybe that’s not true but at the moment, it’s the only thing making me feel better.

“I’m sorry we can’t go to the cave today…” Elijah tells me when we’re taking tea that afternoon. Well, he and his mother are drinking tea. Maria made me a huge cup of hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows in it. It’s like a warm hug but in a cup.

I shrug, it’s not like we can do anything about it. We can hardly take a hike with such unforgiving weather. His shoes were ruined just from getting out of his car and running to the front door of the house.

“I heard from the news it’s going to be like this for three more days. I hope at least the electricity holds,” Maria says.

And as if on cue, exactly at that moment, the lights went out.

There are a few beats of incredulous silence and then Elijah snickers. “Gee, thanks, Mum.”

“Oh, b0llocks!” She mutters.

Somehow that little exchange tickles me so much that I burst out laughing and I can’t stop.

Elijah and Maria gawk at me and then she starts laughing as well and soon even Elijah joins in.

“I might need to wash my mouth with soap for that, but that’s totally worth it.” Maria wheezes.

But then for some reason, the laughter triggers something in me which becomes the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Or in this case, the last drop of rain that makes the dam overflow and breaks the gates.

My giggles slowly turn into sobs. And not the graceful kind that can be ignored or even be contained until they subside. No, these are body-wracking sobs of sheer anguish and pain, where every intake of air seems to take away more than they give, so I need to breathe in even more and I feel like passing out from the effort.

I find myself being held by Elijah but I don’t even have the energy to push him away because I’m putting everything into keeping myself from falling apart and failing miserably.

“I’m going to go find some candles,” Maria says as she scurries away.

Elijah doesn’t say anything, he only holds me while I weep. He doesn’t tell me to calm down or try to shush my embarrassing wails. He doesn’t tell me that everything will be okay.

No, he does something completely unexpected.

He lifts me in his arms and carries me outside, casually walking out of the door and into the rain.

He brings me to the garden and tells me to lie down on the grass and just close my eyes and let the rain wash over me. But instead of leaving me there, he lies down beside me and holds my hand.

And as the rain pours and wind howls, we stay there, in the cold and wet ground. But he never let go of my hand. He stayed to remind me that I am not alone. And for the first time, I finally feel truly understood because this is exactly how it feels inside me. The storm in me finds a reflection in the storm out here. As if the sky is crying with me. And that the wind is howling my anger for me.

If I’d known, I would have done this sooner.

After a little while, my sobs finally died down on their own.

He turns to look at me. “Do you think it’s okay to return inside now?” He whispers ruefully. “As fun as this has been, I don’t want you to get sick. Mum’s gonna whip my ass.”