CHAPTER 2 The Secret RoomTopher was uncertain about a lot of things. Physics and chemistry, instructions on shampoo bottles. He was uncertain about politics and s*x, about technology and fashion. He was uncertain about the future of the environment, about the legitimacy of reality programming, about calculus and James Joyce’s place in the literary pantheon.
But there were many more things of which he was certain. (He was a teenager, after all.) The sky was blue, naked women were awesome, and pickles should never be fried. Video games rotted the brain, bacon flavored ice cream was the devil’s work, and . . . naked women . . . . Initially, he was certain Gertrude’s parents had shown the three of them mercy by commuting their sentence to Raleigh’s Prep. All of the delinquent children of the
