The Blizzard Bluff Series

Chapter 4

Beckett

The roads are slightly shitty as I make my way up to the cabin on Candy Cane Lane I'm renting while saving up for the house I want to build. The cabin is just this side of being on grid. I'm pretty lucky it actually has running water and an indoor toilet. There are quite a few on this road that don't.

Parking under the carport, I grab the windshield cover I've been using to help make my mornings go faster. It's starting to sleet and tomorrow is going to be an interesting drive to work. Once I get the cover on, I head inside, stomping my feet to get the snow off. The fire has gone out and it's f*****g cold in here.

Heading to the wood stove, I stoke the fire and add a few logs.

This is the time of day when I wish there was someone here to spend time with. The only thing to keep me company right now is a little kitten I found the other night. When I left today, I shut him up in the bathroom so I'd be able to find him when I came home. At least I assume it's a boy.

"Hey," I greet him as I open the door. He's lying, a little ball of fur, on the blanket I set up for him. I wasn't sure if he knew how to use a litter box but, when I check it out, it looks as if he does. "You're such a good boy. You used the litter box and didn't destroy anything."

He comes over, rubbing up against my legs. Leaning down, I pick him up and he meows. There's a small blip in my stomach when he does it. It's like immediately I have someone to care for, to think about besides myself. I haven't had responsibility other than for a roof over my head and food in my stomach for years. Although I've only had him for a couple of days, there's a purpose.

A reason for me to come home and to get up in the morning. I never really thought I needed either of those until I was laid off and didn't have a reason to get up or go to bed. For the week I'd not been sure what I wanted to do and loafed about, my mental health took a hit. Then I'd seen the ad for help at the bakery and I know a thing or two about baking. I'd never expected Merry to hire me but, when she did, it gave me something new to look forward to. I enjoy going to see her every day.

The kitten nips at my fingers. "I guess I should think of something to call you, even if I don't know your gender. Maybe something gender-neutral? You kinda look like a Mistletoe."

Who is this person talking to a cat, naming them something related to Christmas? This was never me before. Everyone told me that eventually the pain of losing a loved one would subside and I'd be able to enjoy life again. I'd doubted it, but this year the pain isn't as bad as it has been.

It could be having Merry in my life.

It could be the cat.

It could be working at the bakery.

Whatever it is, it's a welcome change from the last few years of my life.

There's no time like the present so I clean the litter box and pick up everything the kitten played with while I was out. A quick shower and change of clothes is the next thing to worry about. Once that's done, I head into the kitchen and make some dinner for myself, along with something for the kitten to eat.

Sitting on the couch, I turn on the small TV that came with the cabin. It gets one channel, but it's good enough to provide some background noise. The kitten comes in front of me, meowing quietly. Bending down, I pick him up, pulling him into my lap.

For so long I've been alone and I'm finally ready to share part of my life with others. It would feel good to have a partner, to not have to deal with things on my own and to have someone to lean on.

This is the time when loneliness hits hard. When I don't have anything to do other than sit here in my own thoughts. Lately, I've found myself getting out my phone and surfing social media. I've never really been big on it, but I help with the social media for the bakery. Which means I'm friends with Merry on f*******:.

I don't allow myself to do it very often, but sometimes I scroll Merry's timeline, trying to figure her out. As close as I play it to the vest, she does too and, since I haven't known her for years like everyone else, I have to find crumbs of who she is through pictures and posts she's made.

It kind of makes me feel like a stalker, but I've found out so many things about her she never would've told me. I remind myself she friended me so she had to know I was going to look. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

As I typically do, I click through random pictures until I come to one with her on a beach, wearing a bikini. She's got some sort of fruity drink in her hand and she's smiling at whoever is taking the picture. The look in her eyes is something I've never seen from her before and I'm hit with a punch of lust to the gut. It's been so long since I felt it and lately the only thing that's giving it to me is her.

Stress and agitation claw at my neck. Am I ever going to be able to do what I need to do in order to make my house dream come true? It's one of the only dreams I haven't given up on yet. The one that keeps me going and gives me hope that one day I'll be settled.

But I need some relief. Reaching to the crotch of my sweatpants, I grasp my already-hardening d**k over the soft material covering it.

As bad as this is going to be, I have to do it. I have to feel a release. Have to f*****g feel something besides the bone-chilling loneliness.

Pushing my head back against the couch, I let my hand travel down my stomach and into my underwear. Wrapping my hand around the head, I waste no time collecting some of the moisture seeping out of the head of my d**k. Using it to lubricate the up and down motion that comes back to me as if riding a bike.

I try to keep Merry's face out of my mind. Try to do this without disrespecting the woman I spend so much time with. Opening my eyes, I see the picture of her in the bikini and I can't stop.

Jacking up and down, I bite my bottom lip and throw my head back as the release flows through my body. Feeling better than anything else has in months.