Luna of the Beastly Lycan King

Chapter 24. Not good enough

☉DANIKA

“Again!” Sonia yelled at me. She charged at me with the padded club, got close enough for me to think that she was actually going to slap my brains out, and then she slid beneath me and flung me away from her.

“Do you even want to learn?” She inquired. I could not help but feel irritated. Of course, I wanted to learn. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to have something that I could confidently say that I could do. I wanted to be more than just a weak werewolf.

We had been training since I had come out of Fergal’s chambers and I was close to breaking down from exhaustion and the sheer relentless attacks that Sonia threw at me. The way I saw it, we were not really training, and it was more as though she had found the perfect excuse to throw me around like a straw doll and pummel me for almost getting her killed in the woods with the Crimson-horned stag.

I could only take so many falls to the floor in under so many minutes. Lunchtime was some hours yet and I already felt like I had been run through by several spears.

“Your head’s not here. You’re distracted.” She drawled as she marched to my side, swinging the padded club over her head with practiced precision.

“Yes, thank you for noticing,” I said under my breath as I struggled to rise on all fours. Sonia tipped my chin up so that I was looking her in the eyes.

“I didn’t agree to train you so that I could watch you fall over and over again. You don’t have any particular redeeming qualities. Even the way you fall is disgraceful.”

I looked away. It was all my fault. I was the one who had incurred this situation on myself. I was the one who had asked her to train me. I actually thought that she was going to train me, instead of beating me down and asking me to stay in place to receive it. I began to feel like I had made a very big mistake after all. I wished it had been me and not Fergal in that sparring circle so at least now I would be in bed, resting.

Sonia had led me back to the sparring grounds. It was mostly empty after Fianrfin had finished his sparring, and the other warriors and trainers paid us no heed. I had been excited to start the training and wanted to try out the different weapons there, but Sonia had insisted that I was not ready for weapons combat of any sort; I was to fend against her attacks completely bare-handed. I had absolutely no idea what had made her think that I would be able to stand up to her.

I could barely manage to fire a bow and arrow against the Crimson-horned stag. I could not even stand and fight when a battle had come to our pack so long ago. What was Sonia thinking now? That I would suddenly have the strength and war expertise to withstand her attacks? I was not even built like the average werewolf! I was the one who made the mistake of thinking that I had any hope at all of learning under her.

Sonia was an exceptional fighter, even though the Crimson-horned stag had made a mockery of us both. But I was not an exceptional fighter. I was not even a good fighter. I was a runner and not a very good one at that. Just like at my pack. Just like…

“Listen to me.” Sonia snapped her fingers in front of me. “You’re never going to get better if you keep thinking to yourself that you’re only a weak, scrawny, pathetic little red-headed woman.”

I thought that Sonia had used an inordinate amount of the kind of words Finarfin would probably use to describe me, but I said nothing to her face.

“You’re more than this, Danika. We’re more than all this.”

I let her ramble on and decided to focus instead on taking in her perfect form. Her muscles were well-toned and her back was expansive. Her hands were calloused from her training, and her legs looked so long and strong I did not want to be on the receiving end of any of her attacks, if she ever decided to fight in an actual battle.

She was perfect—she was strong. And me?

“Get up,” Sonia said. I chuffed and chafed, but I rose, anyway. “You have to believe that you can break the limits of whatever holds you down, and find strength. Think of those around you. Think of the things that you want to protect. Think of those that you failed to protect. Focus on that weakness, and draw out strength. You have got to put your mind to it.”

I closed my eyes, allowing the memories to come: Tahlia, Regulus, Eirin, Finarfin…

“I’m ready,” I said. I opened my eyes. Sonia was smiling.

“Good,” she patted me on the shoulder. “Let’s do this again.”

Sonia walked back to her starting point. She hefted her club and gave me her battle look. I took a stance. She charged, holding the padded club over her head. I screamed as she jumped at me. The club connected with my head. And then I heard nothing again.

☆☆☆

I was sore by the time I came to and began walking back to the palace. My bones were heavy and my skin was raw. I had completely failed to defend against any of Sonia’s attacks, but that was okay, she had said. We just had to keep at it until I became so good at receiving blows that I became unfazed by them. I failed to see the logic behind her reasoning, but she had arranged for our next sparring session tomorrow. I reasoned that she must have been looking for an excuse to beat somebody up and had found the perfect candidate in me.

I groaned wearily and tried to stand up straight, but my joints made horrible cracking noises. I resorted to walking hunched as I passed by the great hall. I yawned and blinked.

Suddenly, Finarfin was right in front of me. My weariness disappeared immediately, replaced by primal fear. I tried to straighten myself. Finarfin narrowed his eyes at me.

“What are you doing?” He questioned.

“Returning to my chambers.”

“No,” he grabbed at my arm. “I mean, what are you doing? Sneaking around the palace, following me, going after Fergal…?”

I tried to shrug my hand out of his grasp and immediately realized how foolish such an action was. Finarfin’s grip was rock-solid.

“I’m not doing anything, Finarfin. Let me go.”

He snarled at me as he moved closer. “I’m watching you. I’m watching everything, woman.”

I glared at him as he released my arm. I considered telling him what I heard earlier in the day. I wanted to tell him that his council was not totally in support of him or his actions and that they were probably thinking about taking action against him.

I wanted to warn him, to do something for him. But I was also still very angry with him, and he only seemed to worsen the situation.

“Thank you.” I bit out, gritting my teeth. “I’m glad that you’re finally taking notice of me. Now if you do not mind, I will be headed to my chambers. Like I initially was.”

Finarfin stared at me like I was a completely different person. Then he smiled. I found the smile more irritating than his next words.

“You’re actually strong, aren’t you? Or perhaps you are getting stronger. Good.”

I huffed and tried to walk away. He caught my arm again. Like last time, his grip was unshakeable. Except now, his eyes were intense as he stared at me. I felt my skin begin to break out in a cold sweat, and I tried to move back, scared of what he might do.

He lifted an enormous hand and parted my curls. I shivered when his skin made contact with mine. His breathing was heavy and his voice was rough.

“How did you get this?” He growled.

I trembled when he asked the question, and it took me a moment to realize that he was talking about the scar on my right ear. The one I had gotten in the battle so long ago I had completely forgotten. The price I paid for abandoning Tahlia and the rest of my pack. The only thing I had gotten for surviving. My mark of shame…

I flinched and brushed my hair back in place with my hand, covering the scar. I could not look him in the eyes anymore. My lips would not move, would not let me relive that story. I turned away, eyes boring holes into the ground.

He let go of my hand and stepped back, staring at me. I could say nothing. I ran.