The Gamma's Dark Witch

40 - Hollow Homes & Projected Fears

(Nisha)

I stepped back until I hit the wall. He was shaking, his face red and mouth open. I knew he didn’t mean to say that. He lost the leash on his control that seemed to always be his constant companion.

“No,” I breathed.

He swallowed. “My thoughts exactly.”

“That’s not…”

“Possible?" His forest eyes met mine. "It is.” His face was sour, but some of the rage melted. “Rare for us to be mated to others, but even with Lucas...”

“No,” I repeated. I shook my head violently.

There was no way he was fated to me. Our deities were different; I had a completely different path. Or maybe mine struck some deal with his goddess to have him tethered to me as a protector while I completed my maker's dark demands.

I laughed once; it was high, and I felt like it didn’t come from me.

“That’s not possible,” I repeated, but the truth of it rang through me.

It was like when I found out I was a nymph; that word, the rightness that accompanied the feeling, couldn’t be ignored. The feelings I couldn’t explain, the way my body reacted to him. The confusing emotions shifted and sorted into something that could be categorized with a word.

Mate.

I was his mate; that’s why I felt all this fuzzy delirium around him. It had nothing to do with him as a person. It was freeing in a way but terrifying in many more.

I closed my eyes and swallowed, reality thundering down around me.

“Why didn’t you…”

“Tell you?” he asked. I f.orced myself to meet his gaze, but he averted his. “I didn't know if you felt anything really. I thought I could cut the tie before it affected you.”

“Why?” I snapped before I could even fully process his words.

His eyes widened. “Because we are…” He looked like he was trying to find the words.

“Different?” I asked. “Incompatible.”

He nodded once, and I swallowed. Hot tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I didn’t fully understand why. It was the bond I was attracted to, not him; it made sense now. Why didn’t my body understand?

Everything seemed to fall into place. “Is that why you were so angry with me?” I asked. “You thought. You think I’m dark, evil." The words were hard to get out, even if I didn't fully believe them anymore. "You thought…” I didn’t want to say what I knew to be true out loud.

He nodded again slowly. We stood there staring at each other; the raw truth lay bare between us. He opened his mouth to speak, but my gut coiled; I could guess what he would say, and I didn’t want to hear it.

“I hope to the goddess you pray to that you are about to say that you did not feel that you deserved such a d.amn gift from your d.amned goddess, and that is why you have been acting like a f*****g imbecile.” My voice broke, and my lip wobbled. His mouth clamped shut.

I turned on my heel, and it wasn’t until I was far enough away that I couldn’t feel him anymore I let the tears fall.

Because I knew that wasn’t what he was going to say. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he didn’t want me because of what I was.

That I was made of darkness for darkness.

And it was one thing for me to be terrified of myself, but to see that mirrored in the person that was so-called fated to me. It was too much to bear.

I fell to my knees on the hard stone pathway, but it was nothing compared to the slice through my heart. According to wolves, a mate was someone you were supposed to protect and cherish above all. But I saw it in his eyes: all of the insecurities I tried to hide were used against me, even if he didn't speak the words. My own fears of myself weren't just my own. My mate mirrored them, too, and didn't want me because of it.

(Cameron)

Axel was growling at me to go after her, but I knew I couldn’t fix this. I never intended for that to come out. Ever. I hoped to reject her quietly once this was over and prayed to The Goddess that she wouldn’t feel the sure agony I would go through.

I was so mad at myself for letting that slip. That would muddle things, and I didn’t even know how much she knew about mates. It was evident that she didn’t want one, that she wanted to return to her life even if it confused her.

I was sure that once she got the answers she was looking for, she would feel comfortable going back to her old life. She could cut through the confusion and get on with her path without all the ambiguity.

She didn’t want me, and even if she did. It wouldn’t work. It was just the bond, nothing else.

Axel growled and whimpered.

I didn’t know if I was still feeling her pain or if it were my own, but icy dread and fear coursed through me at the thought of her going back to her own life. The thought that when we parted ways, it would be final, and my world would feel cold and empty.

I knew that no matter what happened or didn’t between Nisha and me, when I returned home, and she wasn't there, The Moon Stone packhouse would never be the same. I couldn’t go back to the place I left. It would be the same, but I would be changed. And I mourned for the loss of the only place I knew as home because it would be as hollow as I would be without her.

(Nisha)

I pulled myself up. The pain and rejection I felt turned into rage. He didn’t tell me. He knew, they knew, and he didn’t tell me. I had a right to know, a right to categorize my own feelings around this. He knew I had so many questions and no answers. I thought I shared with him enough of my own struggles, but maybe I didn’t.

Either way, it didn’t matter. I deserved to know; the bond was between both of us and even if he wanted to end it - That thought alone had my stomach churning and fear grasping at my lungs. Even if he chose to end it, it was still a bond shared, and I deserved to know.

I held my head high and walked with purpose back to the small cave. The sun had started to set behind the trees, and the warm glow of the fire made long shadows in the cave.

Cameron was sitting there, solemn, poking the fire with a twig. He got to his knees when he saw me. I entered the cave and crossed my arms, trying to even my breath, but it was no use. Anger flared when I saw him again. He stared at me calmly; the sharp planes of his face were more defined in the shadows of the fire. His familiar green eyes met mine, and I swallowed, almost forgetting what I planned on saying.

“I will need to talk to you.” I was shaking with rage, but the desire swirled through me, quelling it almost completely.

“I understand.” His voice was soft, but there was a rawness to it I couldn’t ignore.

I shut my eyes, letting all rational thought go. I couldn’t handle it. I mentally could not sift through something else. I did something I rarely let myself do and let my emotions take over until I was completely ruled by them.

My blood lit up. That spark I carried since the first night I met them, met him, swirled through me. It begged to be let out; it begged to connect to the invisible golden string that I ignored that was always tugging me back toward him.

“Once,” I said.

He knew what I meant. “Once,” he agreed.

And then he lunged at me.