Chapter 1
1151 Words
1
Confession: my husband Guy and I only joined the yoga studio because we wanted to f**k Meg. She was exactly my type: blonde hair and blue eyes, fair skin and a very slim body - toned to perfection by her years of yoga, gymnastics and ballet. Meg was the owner and we had been going very regularly - wearing her down with our mixture of kindness, Guy's horrible dad jokes and my occasionally suggestive asides.
What we didn’t know was that Meg would soon be engaged to Cameron.
“He’s a total f*****g prick,” I said angrily as I threw my yoga mat in the back seat of our car after class one afternoon.
We had just bumped into Cameron for the first time as we were leaving class. Meg introduced him as her boyfriend Cam.
Cam! I thought. The worst f*****g guys in the world have annoying names like Cameron that they shorten to be Cam.
Guy and I drove home plotting our next move.
“It sucks she has a boyfriend,” I said.
“That’s never stopped you before,” Guy replied as we thought back to the hundreds of women we had secretly brought into our bed over the years - many of which had boyfriends, partners or even spouses.
“Well, it just makes things more...” my voice trailed off.
“Difficult?” he asked.
“Complicated,” I said.
“I thought you liked a challenge,” Guy replied.
“I guess I do - in some cases. I don’t know though. I got really bad vibes from Cam. He just seems like a total f*****g prick.” I said.
“Just focus on what you want,” Guy replied. “Thoughts become things.”
I loved my husband so much...for moments just like this. His reply was so simple, so straightforward, almost cliche. Thoughts become things. He was right, of course, but I just needed to be reminded. If I set my thoughts on f*****g Meg...then, inevitably, the Universe would bring into alignment the very thing I wanted. Guy was right, it was simple. f**k Cameron...focus on Meg, I thought to myself.
Now, I know what you may be thinking: you and Guy are weird! Well, not really, after all these years we are in complete alignment with each other...no secrets...no taboos...just pure love. Transparency. Honesty. Passion.
You see, we are high school sweethearts...we met in tenth grade. Guy and I married shortly after graduating and have been best friends ever since. He is my soulmate.
We tell each other everything. And I do mean everything!
For example, Guy was the one that had first heard about Spirit Yoga. He was leaving a coffeeshop and saw a postcard on the community bulletin board. It was a picture of Meg, the studio owner, doing a very intense looking yoga pose. More importantly, he knew I would find Meg very, very fuckable. And, boy, was he right about that. This girl was a total smokeshow!
He surprised me with an unlimited weekly membership and after going nearly every day, we decided to become full time members. It was located just a block from the local college campus and was within walking distance from our house.
Shockingly, I found myself actually enjoying yoga. My thirty-something back certainly appreciated the effects of the gentle stretches from Meg’s vinyasa yoga sequences. Of course, I was happy to be going to Spirit Yoga for another reason too: I would get so horny being around all the college-aged young women in their tight fitting sports bras and slinky, see-through yoga pants that Guy and I would often f**k as soon as we got home from class. Guy also found that a daily yoga practice gave him more stamina and he was able to last even longer in bed. Mommy likey!
We talk openly about the girls I like at the studio. In fact, two weeks ago we were behind quite a lovely brunette girl that couldn’t be more than nineteen-years-old.
I knew I wanted us to f**k Ashley the moment she bounced into class and placed her yoga mat and tight a*s directly in front of me.
Guy winked at me several times throughout class. In fact, he later confessed that during shavasana, he found himself thinking about what my face would look like buried in between Ashley’s legs.
Oh how I want to taste you...young, tight, perfect Ashley. I know I can make this happen. Despite our age difference, I still look incredibly youthful - I easily pass for my early to mid twenties. I attribute this to my Jamaican and Dutch mixed-race heritage. Of course, my daily routine of pilates, squats, jogging and being a vegan helps quite a bit.
After class that day, I made casual conversation with Ashley. I had decided to go for it, I was flirting with Ash, big time. I knew my cute smile and beautiful brown skin were no match for her. Ashley was a hippie, a searcher, someone yearning for answers about the mysteries of life. She was playful, curious, hungry for adventure. Over the years, I've learned to play-up my “exotic” looks to snag girls like her. I usually dress myself in ambiguous foreign prints that could be Jamaican, Indian or even Asian...and I always wear a heart-shaped, rainbow Pride necklace just to let these young ladies know the kind of girl I am. Oh, and I forgot to tell you...Guy and I both stopped wearing our wedding rings ages ago.
“Take off your wedding ring, Guy,” I ordered one day. “I think they are the ultimate p***y blockers.”
Guy nearly spit his coffee out as he burst into laughter.
“Ummm, ok,” Guy replied as he slid his ring off and placed it in my hand.
“Let’s see if we can score more p***y without these!” I said, slipping my ring off and placing both of them in our kitchen’s “junk drawer”. After so many years together Guy had learned to roll with the punches...I can be blunt, and he knows it. When I tell him to cast off his wedding ring so we can score more p***y, he just goes with it. Guy's one laid back dude.
He watched as I made small talk with Ashley - occasionally running my finger down the young girl’s arm or back...cracking a wicked half-smile or playfully circling one of my own exotic jet black curls in my hand...I continued flirting, occasionally biting the end of her own hair as Ashley continued talking about her star sign and how Mercury being in retrograde was affecting her.
“Hey, Guy, this is Ashley,” I said, bringing my hubby into the post-yoga class conversation.
“She’s going to come over and borrow my copy of Iyengar’s Light On Yoga,” I added.
“Oh, awesome,” Guy said, extending his hand to shake Ashley’s. His eyes locked on hers. He added, “that’s a great book - you’ll love it!”
Making sure Ashley didn’t see, I rolled my eyes at Guy - knowing full well he had never read the book and was only trying to impress yet another hot young girl we were trying to f**k. We're so much alike, sometimes it's scary.
- Writer
