Lilas. My heart is slipping very fast. It is beating in an unnatural way that is a mixture of fear and pleasure. Why do I seek pleasure from the man that I’m afraid of? Do I need to seek a therapist? Is it because I haven’t had a boyfriend before? Is that why my judgment is wrong and forbidden? Did his huge hands have to encompass my hips and waist? Why did Salvatore have to be such a handsome, nerve crawling, dangerous man? His features, his voice…the way he smells and how he leans unto me. All of the abominable things he says! Why would he ask me to touch myself and think of him? I have never done that before. I don’t have a visual or vision in my mind to commit an act like that. And for the first time, he makes me want to know how it feels. He said things that a step father shoul