Chameleon

1. Tricker Lake, TN-1

1

TRICKER LAKE, TN

1Hank Barrett’s my name. Me and the wife moved out here on the water in 1944 not too long after the TVA decided Tennessee needed a lake named Tricker to settle in and tickle the Cumberlands that would be surroundin’ it on all sides. My first daughter Deliah came before the year was out. Stanton about two years later, then Lea born two after that, till me and Hennie both decided to throw in the towel. As for me, Uncle Sam had sent me home early and there wasn’t much left for me on a dairy farm no more. Thought the water would rock me to sleep at night, just like it did on the ship. Never slept better in my life hangin’ in that rack swayin’ to the waves out at the end of the earth. They say you ain’t gotta pee when you’re in a ship rack or pass gas or nothin’. Your body is in balance and truly shuts down. Seems to me like they were right. If I didn’t have this leg, I’d probably still be out there swayin’. Probably woulda caught a torpedo or some damn k******e sooner rather than later though. The middle of the Pacific ain’t the place to find yourself without a berth. Best I got on to here to watch over this family. They take some watchin’ and that’s no foolin’.

Got us a pleasant enough little floatin’ house. Furthest row out from the shore, second from the end. Ain’t much rhyme or reason to placement, but that was where they had it moored when we took it over and don’t see much reason to move it. Not easy livin’ sometimes, knowin’ you gotta jump in the jon boat and jaunt over to the dock if you wanna go see a picture show, pick up a pound of bologna at the store or just put your feet on solid ground.

By my last count, there was nine of us scattered out here, untethered by the trappins’ of land. Figure it’s human nature—when you ain’t got a lawn to mow or a mailbox to check, you’re apt to keep to yourself and that holds true out on Tricker. Most of the neighbors are old, crazy coots you rarely lay eyes on. Makes you wonder how they even survive. Suppose it’s trot lines or whatever varmint traps they got back up in the hollers. If one decided to turn out the lights of life one bitterly cold winter mornin’, who would know till someone happened upon their mummy in the spring? Be tough to pick up the smell of death as the lake breeze carried it out to open water. Think us Barretts are the only ones looney enough to be out here tryin’ to raise three young ‘uns.

Hennie had me paint the sidin’ a sky blue. Sometimes, when the light is right at high noon on a cloudless day, the lake and the house match right up and it’s like you live inside the water without getting wet or drownin’. I think the paint still looks pretty good. Only been sitting there now 18 years or so. It ain’t got that new house smell—hell, ain’t got that new house anything, especially after all the fish Hennie been frying up in that little galley kitchen over the years. But it’s got good bones. The lake takes care of its own. All these houses out here, all nine of ‘em—they’re a part of ole Tricker. Just like the smooth sandstone and the low heavy green branches that dip onto the surface like a drinking bird.

Yep, the lake provides, but I gotta do my part. That means drivin’ all over these mountains, from Bristol to Chattanooga, sellin’ checkbooks to fat bankers who tuck their shirts in their underwears and use their tie for a napkin at lunch. I sell them though, war hero and all that—they can’t rightly say no. They act the bigwig, havin’ their girls fetch us some iced tea. I prefer lots of lemon wedges, so they go hunt that too, and we talk about the girls’ gams and how tight to the pinch her posterior happens to be. I open my books and sell with a smile that seems to approve of their l**t. Make them feel important, and look the part too, to their secretary that’s stealin’ attention from the tight-faced wife playin’ bridge at home. They sign the contracts with their fountain pen they got from the governor and I walk out there with my limp that seems to rectify itself the closer I get to my car. Then it’s a cheeseburger and coffee before bein’ off to the next town, the next bank. I hardly ever have to stay long enough for the iced tea with all that lemon to arrive. I wonder if those fat cats let their girl Friday drink it, crossed legs loose and silky on the edge of that mahogany desk?

2Woke up late in a dewy meadow again—spent the night matchin’ a whip-poor will note-for-note till he ceded victory and then some. Mama’s gonna be sore if I ain’t at breakfast. Speakin’ of, my throat is sore—too much whippin’, I reckon. It was a catchy tune that was deeply gratifyin’, makin’ it mighty hard to quit till I finally succumbed to a scratchy slumber. Wasn’t able to stay up long enough to hear them rain frogs beatin’ the drum after that early evenin’ shower last night came to a stop. Sure wish I had. It was sad, but good, to get to the end of somethin’. Like finishin’ a good book, or bein’ lucky enough to catch Deliah awake and tellin’ one of her exotic stories. No matter how sad it was to see it end, it was good to be there for that last word or belly croak.

I walk back to the house. The lake’s misty as all get-out. Can’t even make out our house from the cove. The jon boat creaks and sloshes as I sit on the slick wood and fire up the motor. Sure glad I didn’t wear shoes as my toes cling to cracks where the boards meet and help keep me sure on the bench. As soon as I step on the deck, Mama will look up from takin’ steel wool to an iron pan out the open window.

‘Stanton, you little curd—You out in the woods all night again? A snake gonna swallow you whole out there!’

That’s what she will say. Then I’ll sit down and grab a cold biscuit and some hard-fried ham, or maybe a hunk of leftover catfish, and Daddy will look at me from over his day-old sports page and shake his head. I didn’t ever do Daddy’s voice even though I could’ve. He was my father and he was beyond me and that’s the way it shoulda been.

3If my name ain’t Henrietta Barrett—there he is. Wild Indian gonna give me a head full of grays.

‘Stanton you little curd, you out in them woods all night again? A snake gonna swallow you whole out there!’

That boy is like some kinda stray dog. Or one that folks ain’t got no mind to watch after and it just roams the woods lookin’ for food when there is plenty right here under its nose and with a roof to boot. I know this floatin’ box ain’t big enough for everybody, but Deliah don’t move most of the time so it ain’t like she counts. He has a perfectly good couch or that hammock off the rail if he gets to wantin’ the stars to sleep under if I ain’t chased Hank out there for snorin’ his fool head off. Likely to come a storm today. Muggy as a pig’s belly already. Maybe I can rouse them girls to help me with the laundry ‘fore it comes.

‘Go see if you can rise your sister, Stanton. I need help this mornin’ and she’s the only lot I can draw from.’

He wasn’t half done clearin’ the table of scraps, but by my clock he just walked in. Hank ain’t even scolded him an inch. Seems like those two are privy to somethin’ out there we Barrett ladies had sorely missed. Well fine and dandy, y’all want to play that game, I’ll just turn on the radio and see what’s what.

4My travels had hit the shoreline. Not ole Tricker neither. The big one. If I knew my atlas, it was somewhere in the deep south of Texas. Miles and miles of sand with not a soul anywhere, save this one. No trees, neither. Just grass and sand thin and clean as I swept through. I wondered if anybody else would ever see this, or if anybody ever had. Some conquistador with his scurvied, uneasy crew likely dismissed it for its lack of cities to conquer. Possibly a Plains Indian explorer, unhappy with his role in the tribe, set off down the Missouri in a bull boat to see where the world ends.

I know there are places only I have seen. Things. A helpless wounded elk on the side of a jagged cliff far up north crying for help amid mindless frustration. A man sitting and pondering his life in a moss covered rowboat all day surrounded by swamp and jugs of ‘shine only to end it with a rusty pistol and fall into the water to be consumed by the myriad. I’ve seen so many give in. I’ve also seen them arise, free themselves from the traps of nature and man, and find their spirit strong to run as fast and as far as they can. I have come straight at them and I have followed alongside like a partner in life. This lonely beach rarely received respite from the invisible force. Waves are created, then crash and die with a final scraping blow on the grains, breaking them down. One becomes two, then two becomes four, making more beach to be ground down for all the days and nights. I liked it here.

5I swear I got so close to her face I coulda licked it and she wouldn’t budge. Them eyes weren’t empty, they were just lookin’ somewhere you ain’t. Wonder if there’s some voice that she heard out there I could use to cut through—some dandy French fella that had tickled her fancy as he debated poetry with a tabby cat through a haberdashery window. Sometimes I could find a way to bring her back. Sometimes I couldn’t come close. It all depended on how much she liked where she was. Problem was most places she liked better than right here. Daddy had to go all over too, but he always came home. Deliah might just forget to one day.

‘Deliah, come on home now, Mama could use you.’

Nothin’. Sometimes she even forgot to blink, and her eyes got all glassy and red. Mama would drop some salt water in them from a turkey baster, so she wouldn’t wind up blind. I pulled a milk crate over and sat down in front of her rockin’ chair that never did much rockin’.

‘Where are you? Can you hear me? Is it nice? I bet it is. How about you help Mama today and you can head right back tonight. You can even sit right here and I’ll sleep on your bed. C’mon Deliah, I need to get back on Mama’s good side.’

Her eyelids fluttered and I thought I got her. She saw me now. That soft smile crept up and I knew it as pity, but a smile just the same. She had no shortage of pity for all us folks stuck at the lower altitudes.

‘Hi, brother. How’s your throat this morning?’

‘It’s just fine, nothing some salt water can’t fix.’

‘Just like Mama, y’all thinking salt water cures everything. Just saw more salt water than you could ever dream of. It’s hard and it’s mean and doesn’t ever let up when it has a job to do.’

‘Maybe that’s why Mama likes it?’

She shook her hand to get the tinglin’ out and reached out to pick some moss out of my hair.

‘Maybe, little brother. Maybe.’

6Scratch. Pop. Hiss. Scratch. Pop. Hiss. Scratch. Pop. Hiss. Scratch. Pop. Hiss. Scratch. Pop. Hiss. Scratch. Pop. Hiss.

That was six. Had to stop till noon. Looked at my tiny logs floatin’ in the water. I kicked my legs over the edge and wondered if they ever made it to shore or just fell apart in the sun. Every time I came back here to the back of the house they were gone. Then I’d put six more in. That hissin’ sounded like a snake.

Damn it to hell—I heard Mama callin’. Sure enough, Deliah was in too deep and Mama was gonna make me do twice the work. I liked to be in it deep too, Mama. Shoulda been the oldest girl that did the most—supposed to lighten the load. Deliah don’t do much of nothin’ unless it had to do with helpin’ Mama by sittin’ still in a rockin’ chair. Guess she could be put to use proppin’ a door open, or you could push her and see how long she kept movin’ back and forth, maybe crush an old cat’s tail or a few pecans. I wondered if I stuck one of these lil’ magic sticks between her toes it might bring her a*s back down to the house. Hated to waste even one on our useless sister though, when my stores were getting’ this low. Hoped Daddy was leavin’ soon to get me some more books. He said he might be swingin’ over to North Carolina this time. Only got 14 matches from there.