First Instinct

Chapter 1

One

“Do we have to talk about this right now?” Nick asked.

He turned his key and unlocked his dorm room, pushing the door open with his foot. He stepped through it into a short hallway. On the right was his living room, straight ahead was his bedroom, and to his left was his favorite feature of the suite, a full private bathroom.

Beth followed him inside without invitation, undeterred when he stripped out of his grimy T-shirt and reached around her to toss it into the laundry hamper in the bathroom.

“What’s wrong with now?” she asked.

“I just got out of football practice. I’m tired and sweaty, and all I want right now is a long, hot shower.”

“I’m beginning to think you’re avoiding me.”

She waited in the hallway, leaning against the wall and watching him as he walked into his bedroom to pick out clean clothes for his date. She wasn’t going to let him out of this conversation this time.

He selected a pair of his newer blue jeans, a crisp white T-shirt, and a blue-and-white plaid button-up shirt—comfortable but dressy enough to take his girlfriend out to dinner at the Whiskey Creek Grill. He set his clothes on top of his dresser and brushed past Beth on his way into the living room. Sitting on the couch, he pulled off his shoes and socks, and finally replied, “I’m not avoiding you at all.”

She sat on the arm of the couch beside him. “Then you’re avoiding Trey. Why?”

“Because playing on the same team with him means I already spend more time with him than I want to.”

“You two have played football and wrestled on the same teams for going on eight years now, and you used to be friends. I think you can manage a couple extra hours with him.”

‘Used to be’ being the key words. He didn’t say it. “I’m sorry. He’s your boyfriend, and I shouldn’t be putting you in the middle.”

“You’re not, but all I’m asking for is one double date so I can get to know Michelle. Come on, Nick. You’ve been dating her for almost five months, and the longest conversation I’ve had with her lasted less than a minute. I want to make sure she’s good enough for you.”

“I wouldn’t still be going out with her if she wasn’t.”

“You don’t get to decide whether a girl is worthy of you. That’s your best friend’s job—my job. Besides, she’s a big part of your life, and anything or anyone who is that important to you is important to me, too.”

Nope. There’s no getting out of it this time. Nick sat back and rested his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes. “Have you even asked Trey about this?”

“He said whenever was fine with him.”

Sighing, he tilted his face fully toward her and immediately wished he hadn’t. With shimmering blonde hair that fell nearly to her waist, the sweet face of the quintessential girl next door, a petite build, and those wide, hopeful blue eyes, Beth Carlyle exuded an innate innocence. But that outwardly guileless demeanor masked a stubborn strength. Everything about her made her impossible to resist, and he knew he wasn’t going to have any more luck saying no to her now than he’d had at any other point in their lifelong friendship.

“Though she is but little, she is fierce,” he quoted under his breath. More loudly, he added, “I almost feel sorry for the man you marry because he’s not going to stand a chance of telling you no.”

“Does that mean you’ll do it?” she asked brightly.

“No, that means I’ll ask Michelle about it again. I’m taking her out to dinner, so she should be here any time.”

“How about tonight, then? You’re already going out, and Trey and I were planning to do the same….”

“That wasn’t a yes, Beth.”

“It wasn’t a no, either.”

“I will talk to her about it as soon as she gets here,” he said slowly, letting each word sink in. “Will that suffice for now?”

“Talk to me about what?”

Nick glanced over his shoulder to see his girlfriend striding through his open front door, and his shoulders drooped in defeat. She flashed a smile at Beth as she leaned in the doorway of the living room with her brows raised in inquiry. With Beth still here, there was no chance he would be able to talk to Michelle privately or ask her if he could use her as an excuse to get out of a double date. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he winced. It bothered him that he was shunning time with his best friend because he disliked her boyfriend.

“I was hoping you and Nick would join Trey and me for dinner tonight.”

Michelle glanced at him and shrugged. “We’re going out, anyhow. Why not?”

Beth turned a grin on Nick. “I should have just gone straight to the brains of the operation.”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, there you go. Whiskey Creek Grill okay?”

Beth nodded.

“What time?”

“Is six-thirty too soon?”

“That only gives me half an hour to get showered and dressed, but that’s fine.”

“I’m sure you’ll still be ready before Trey,” Beth quipped. “See you in a bit.”

“Yep.”

With his elbows braced on his knees, Nick scrubbed his hands through his hair, then gazed up at Michelle. Physically, she was Beth’s opposite with dark, chin-length hair, green eyes, and a long-limbed, athletic body, but she possessed many of his best friend’s finer qualities—a keen intelligence, a selfless loyalty, and a subtle confidence he found enticing. His hesitation to join Beth and Trey on a double date had absolutely nothing to do with concern that Beth would not approve of Michelle. In fact, he was certain they’d get along quite well. It was all Trey. He scowled, trying to pinpoint exactly when he and his teammate had trod far enough along their separate paths that they could no longer see eye to eye. It had worsened significantly after Trey’s twenty-first birthday back in May, but Nick knew the separation had begun much earlier.

Shaking his head, he pushed to his feet, gave Michelle a quick peck on the lips, and ducked into his bathroom. “I’ll be quick.”

“Take your time,” she replied distractedly, studying the pictures on his wall.

He leaned out of the bathroom and sniffed fondly when he saw what image had captured her attention. It was the one in the center of his collage, and the gentle smile that curved her lips was as dear to him as the memory captured by the photograph.

“This is you and Beth on top of the haystack, isn’t it?” she asked without taking her eyes off it. “How old were you?”

“We were eight, and that was our first time stacking hay. It’s a bit of a rite of passage in Northstar to help on a hay crew.” His mouth quirked at one corner. “We worked our butts off and loved every minute of it.”

“I can see that. I know ranch life is a lot of work, but it seems like a great life to have.”

“I’ve never wanted anything else.”

“After spending a little time out on your ranch this summer, I can see why.” She turned to him, and her wistful smile turned into one of amusement as she wrinkled her nose. “Go take your shower… because you stink.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Laughing, he closed the door and turned on the shower. The hot water did a lot to wash away his concerns along with the grime, and for several minutes after he was clean, he stood with his hands braced against the shower wall and let the water pour over him. Hearing the bathroom door open, he lifted his head and watched Michelle’s silhouette through the frosted plastic shower curtain. She leaned against the sink with her head turned toward him, and while he couldn’t make out the features of her face, he sensed her frowning. She said nothing until he turned the water off, and when he peered around the curtain, she held a towel out for him. He wrapped it securely around his waist before stepping out of the shower.

“I get the feeling you don’t want to go out with Beth and Trey tonight,” she finally remarked. “If it’s that big a pain, wouldn’t it be better to just get it over with?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Why? Are you afraid Beth won’t like me?”

“Absolutely not. I know she’ll love you.”

“Then why have you put it off for three months? Because the first time she asked was back at the end of May. I couldn’t do it then because I was so busy with work and my May interim classes, but you have been avoiding it ever since. And that’s not like you.”

“No, it’s not,” he agreed. “And believe me, it doesn’t feel real great that I’m doing this to Beth.”

“What’s the problem?”

Nick eyed Michelle, wondering if he could accurately express the troubling sense of loss that had begun to fester over the past few months. “We’ve been best friends all our lives, and I never thought much about how that might change as we grew up, started dating, and started our own families. I’ve always assumed, I guess, that it wouldn’t ever change. But lately… I have this nagging worry that we’re slipping apart.”

“When you say it like that, it seems to me that a double date would be a good thing, not something to be avoided.”

“It’s not us—not Beth and me. It’s her boyfriend.”

“Trey Holt? Maybe he’s a little arrogant, but otherwise, he seems like a decent guy. Besides, he’s a friend of yours, right? So he can’t be that bad.”

“Yeah…. Not much of a friend anymore.”

Nick shrugged, hoping she’d get the message and let the matter drop. The last thing he wanted to do was go into a long explanation about Trey, especially since it looked like he’d be spending most of the evening with him. As if she sensed his distress, Michelle pinned him against the wall when he tried to walk past her and threaded herself around him. The way she kissed him drove his worries from his mind, leaving room for little else but a thought that, right then, he really wished he’d pushed dinner back a while.

“Rain check?” he asked, thinking she was far too sexy in that fitted black dress.

“Huh?”

Her breathless response made him smile, so he dove after her neck, and she let out a squeal that quickly tumbled into laughter.

“We have less than fifteen minutes now until we’re supposed to head out,” he reminded her.

“I guess you’re right. Hey, can I ask a favor?”

“Sure.”

“I know you have that paper to write, but after dinner, can we all go down to the Club Bar? They have a live band playing tonight, and I’d really like to go dancing, even if we only go for a little bit.”

“Anything you want, sweetie, but I really ought to get dressed now. Unless you want me to strut into the Whiskey Creek Grill in just my towel.”

Laughing again, she stepped back and gave him a playful shove as he headed into his room. “I never knew you were such an exhibitionist.”

“This from the girl who persuaded me into bed that first time by answering her door n***d when I came over to study for an exam.”

“What can I say? You have a very sexy body and I wanted you.” She leaned against his back and slipped her hands around his ribs, sliding them in a most distracting, tantalizing way down his stomach and tortuously southward. “Every… single… inch… of you.”

“Knock that off,” Nick muttered. He pulled her hands away even as goosebumps rose over his skin. “Or we’ll be late.”

“I’m all right with that.”

“Sure you are. Right until Beth and Trey walk up here to find out what’s taking us so long.”

“Mmm. You have a point. And while it’s tempting to let you go out in your towel, I’d rather not spend my evening beating the other girls off you.”

“You do know that my ego doesn’t need a boost, right?”

“I do. But I like making you blush because you’re so damned cute when you do.”

“So much for stroking my ego,” he murmured fondly.

“Get dressed before I decide I don’t care if your friend and her boyfriend walk in on us.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

* * *

Beth changed out of her faded blue jeans and V-neck T-shirt into her favorite turquoise sundress and headed across campus to make sure Trey was dressed and getting ready before she finished her own preparations. She trotted over the smooth, sun-warmed concrete path from Mathews Hall to the JDC dorm complex and didn’t slow to a walk until she was halfway up the ramp to the main floor of the central Davis Hall, which housed the Student Life Office and mailboxes for all five of the small university’s residence halls. She smiled at Rob Harris, the Dean of Students, as she stepped through the door he held open for her.

“Thanks, Rob,” she greeted. “What’re you doing here so late?”

“Catching up on some paperwork while my girls are shopping in Butte. How about you? Any fun plans tonight?”

“Yes, actually. I finally convinced Nick to give me the opportunity to get to know his girlfriend.”

“About time. Have fun, but go easy on Michelle.”

Beth grinned. “I’ll try, but I’m not going to make any promises. You have a good night, too.”

She bounded up the staircase directly to the right of the main doors to the second floor. Trey’s hall, Jordan, was connected to Davis at an obtuse angle and opened directly across from the top of the stairs. Its doors were propped open, and through them, Beth spotted Trey just leaving the communal bathroom with a towel around his waist and his shower caddy in hand. He didn’t see her, and she didn’t call his name. She’d wait until he was dressed before she knocked on his door and save herself the embarrassment of his nudity and him the aggravation over her lack of interest in what he had to offer.

While she waited, she studied the cinderblock walls with their canvas-colored paint that was a few shades too dark to be paired with the dark blue, commercial carpet. Other than the trim around the doors—navy blue for Jordan, burgundy for Davis, and hunter green for Centennial—the three halls that comprised the JDC complex differed very little from each other, and Beth had found herself disoriented more than once. She was glad she lived in Mathews Hall. With its white plaster walls, tan carpeting, and turn-of-the-century high ceilings, it was much brighter and more open and didn’t remind her of a prison. Its charm and unique characteristics further aided her sense of being part of something old and lasting.

Almost ten minutes passed before Beth decided it was safe to announce her presence to her boyfriend. It probably wouldn’t be enough, but time was ticking away. “It’s Beth,” she called half a second after she knocked.

“It’s open, babe. Come on in.”

Cautiously, she turned the scuffed brass doorknob and pushed the door open. With amusement, she marveled at how different Trey’s room was from Nick’s and how both fit their residents perfectly. Nick’s dorm was subtly masculine with artifacts and knickknacks from his family’s ranch and photos of his family and friends that exemplified his loyalty and easygoing nature. Trey’s room was unapologetically masculine with bold colors, posters of his favorite actresses and sports teams, and his various sports trophies strewn about with an almost in-your-face lack of coordination that suited him perfectly.

Stepping a little further into the room, she was unsurprised to find Trey dressed only in his boxers and admiring his reflection in the full-length mirror on his closet door. With perpetually tousled brown hair, confident brown eyes, and an angular face, Trey Holt was blatantly handsome. Factor in his sculpted, muscular physique and the work he put in to keep it that way, and it was no wonder half the girls on campus fawned over him.

“Yes, you’re gorgeous,” she remarked. “Hurry up and get dressed.”

“What’s the rush?” he inquired without looking away from the mirror.

“For one… we agreed on six-thirty for dinner. Remember?”

“Yeah, I guess I remember that, but it’s not like we’re on a tight schedule. If we’re late, we’re late.”

“Actually, we are on a schedule. We’re meeting Nick and Michelle at the Whiskey Creek Grill.”

Finally, he swiveled around to face her. At first, his expression was one of mild annoyance, but it vanished quickly, and he affected an air of nonchalance before he turned back to the mirror to comb his fingers through his still-dripping hair. “Tonight? That’s short notice.”

“I told you this morning I was going to ask him again, and you told me any night would be fine.”

“Yeah, but I was hoping for a little more warning.”

“I had the opportunity, so I took it.”

Trey at last left the mirror and walked over to his closet and pulled out a plain, form-fitting black T-shirt. Then he dragged a pair of crisp blue jeans out of his dresser and tossed them and the shirt on the back of his desk chair. “I’m shocked Nick agreed. He’s kinda turned into a stick-in-the-mud.”

Beth disagreed, but she said nothing to that effect because, really, what could she say? She didn’t know why Nick had become so averse to Trey’s company. “Given the choice, I think he would have turned me down again, but Michelle was there, and she said yes.”

“Did you do something to piss Nick off?”

“No. Why?”

“Just seems like he doesn’t ever want to hang out with you anymore.”

She wasn’t about to divulge the details of her conversation with her best friend, so she shrugged. “He has a pretty serious girlfriend now. I can hardly blame him for wanting to spend his time with her. But he agreed to go out with us tonight, so get dressed.”

“We’ve still got plenty of time.”

Trey sidled over to her and lowered his head to give her a kiss. When she pressed a finger to his lips, stopping him, his brows dipped briefly in irritation.

“Yeah, right. I know you, Trey.”

“Oh, come on, babe. I’m not that bad.”

“Uh, yes, you are.” She touched her lips to his, and when she pulled back, the annoyance had been replaced by a roguish lopsided smile. “But I love you, anyhow.”

“Mmm. Good. Because I love you, too.”

He angled his hips toward her and clasped her face as he kissed her more deeply. Beth leaned into him, giving in for a moment to appreciate the firm warmth of his body. She ran her hands back through his hair and flicked water from her fingers before folding her arms around his neck with a sigh. He skimmed his fingers over the side of her breast so lightly that she might have mistaken it for an accidental graze had he not tried the same a dozen times before. She leaned away, but he quickly knitted his hands together behind her back, preventing her escape.

“Trey,” she murmured.

“I’m not doing anything but touching you. You have such a beautiful body, baby, and it drives me crazy.”

“You know how I feel.”

“Touching is not the same as sex.”

“Maybe not, but I’m not a tease, and I don’t want you trying to take a mile if I give you an inch.”

“You may not be a tease in that sense,” Trey said slowly, trailing kisses from her mouth back to her ear and down her neck. “But you are so very, very tempting.”

“That is exactly my point.”

“Don’t you trust me to stop?”

“It’s not a matter of trust. It’s a matter of playing with fire. Do it long enough, and you’re bound to get burned.”

“You make s*x sound like some horrible thing that will ruin you. I promise you it won’t.” He tightened his arms around her and lowered his head again to nuzzle her neck, and even though she was exasperated by his stubbornness, she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the tingles that coursed through her. “On second thought… maybe it will ruin you because once you’ve—”

“Trey. Enough.” She ducked out of his grasp, tugged on the hem of her dress to pull the wrinkles out of it, and sat on the edge of his bed. “I know I’m asking a lot of you to wait, and if you decide you can’t do it any longer, I know where the door is.”

Trey tilted his head and frowned as he sat beside her. “Don’t be like that, babe. I love you. I’m sorry I’ve made you uncomfortable, but it’s a little frustrating that I can’t touch you how I want to.”

“It’s not much consolation, but I truly appreciate your restraint. I know it’s not easy.”

“No, it isn’t.”

Talk about beating a dead horse. She stood again and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “Meet me at my room in ten. I still have to put my hair up and put on a little makeup.”

He nodded, and she kissed him on the lips before leaving. Closing the door quietly behind her, she let out a sigh of relief. Lately, he’d been trying more often and more relentlessly to push her limits.

As she strode back to her dorm beneath the massive white poplars gilded by the evening sun, she pondered her upcoming anniversary. In a couple more weeks, she and Trey would be celebrating one full year together, making this the longest relationship either had been in. Was he really getting more aggressive, or was she imagining it because she was becoming wearied by it? She couldn’t answer that, but Nick’s attitude toward Trey had most definitely changed, and she wondered if his relationship with Michelle had impacted his patience for Trey even though she had no idea how or why it would.

Truthfully, she felt like she was being unfair to Trey for even thinking like this. Aside from his s****l frustration, which she could hardly blame him for even though it unsettled her, he was generally a charming and lovable companion. Needing her space as she did, she liked that he didn’t try to smother her and that he actually seemed to admire her independence. As she listed out his positive attributes to herself, she began to understand that she was trying to convince herself that he was still the man she wanted to be with. Try as she might to deny it or ignore it, there was a niggling sense of something out of place. She kept coming back to the same question over and over. Why doesn’t Nick like Trey anymore?

Her thoughts carried her all the way to her room, and before she became consciously aware of what she was doing, she was standing in front of the sink with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and her makeup done, staring bewilderedly at her reflection. After all that thinking, she had no answer and supposed the only way she was going to find it was to ask Nick straight out.

A knock on her door announced Trey’s arrival, and she opened it for him. He hesitated, waiting for her to invite him in. Then, as if he couldn’t help himself, he hugged her.

“I was an a*s to you and I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m just frustrated and….”

“Horny?”

He laughed. “Yeah. I wish there was something I could do to convince you how good it would feel.”

“That’s what you don’t get, Trey. To me, s*x means so much more than physical pleasure; it’s a soul-deep connection, and the only man I want to share something that personal with is the man I marry.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand you, but I understand that it’s important to you, so I’ll try to be better about keeping my hands to myself.”

“Thank you.” She tucked her arms around him and rested her head against his chest. “But you don’t have to keep your hands entirely to yourself. Just… please remember where my boundaries are.”

“So, you forgive me?”

Smiling, she said, “I can’t forgive you because I wasn’t actually mad at you.”