Guiding light

Golden Ocean

Perdita

I drew another rubric on the lighthouse wall. It was almost a week since Tyler had been here and I was beginning to doubt his existence. My days went on as usual, except for the mayor's visits. Neither he nor Remy have dared to show their faces since. Not that I missed them much. It was the only proof I had, that Tyler was real and had been here.

- Why did they have to show him? Why can't I leave?! My whole life is about paying off my debt, but I've paid for my mistake with interest over ten years. So why don't they just let me go? They all hate me. They call me a monster, terrify me or torture me to satisfy their own perverted desires. It would be so easy... But why don't I do it? - I touched the collar on my neck and it shocked me a bit. A bitter laughter escaped my throat and I got shocked again.

- If I could tear off this shackle. If I had the courage to walk out of that door and just be done with it all. One by one, leaving no messenger. Then I could finally be free! But would I really be free? More lives taken would stain my soul, though not the blood of innocents would paint the city red. None of them deserve mercy since " Among the guilty, complicit is the mute." But if I did, they would be right. Then I would become a monster. - My fist clenched.

- I don't want to give them that pleasure! I won't let them be right, I can't help it that I was born this way. I just want to feel the sunshine in my heart again. Watch the stars from a little boat from the middle of the ocean where the sky touches the water and creates that infinity I've been yearning to discover. - the sun was getting up behind the horizon painting the ocean into crimson and then burnt orange, slowly fading into a golden color. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of the beauty in front of me and suddenly felt guilty for wanting to throw everything away last night.

- I must believe and fight for my life. I still don't know how, but there must be a way to get free. I refuse to accept that I exist solemnly to suffer! - the first rays of sun reached the tower and I was bathing in the warmth of the weak sun rays. It's a new day. I took a deep breath and turned the light down. I headed down and looked around. I have neglected the tower, slumbering in my own self pity. I've opened the windows and the door to let fresh air in. Grabbed the broom and cleaned it from the spiderwebs. After that I've started to sweep around the house and got rid of the spiderwebs. I took the covers of my pillows and blanket off, brought a huge washing basin filled with warm water and dish soap, as I had only that one, and started to wash the covers. When they were done, carefully with my strength, I've squeezed the water out of them as much as I could and carried them to the top of the tower, I've grabbed some ropes and tend the clothes to dry in the warm breeze. I went down again and got rid of the dirty water. I filled the basin again and with a cloth and some more dish soap, I've cleaned the windows and washed the few curtains I had. Hanging them back the breeze started to dry them out immediately. As a next step, I've prepared water to wash the floor up. This took me several hours as I've neglected the blood stains for so long that I couldn't even remember anymore, when I got hit or why. Once the entire tower was clean, including the stairs and lights as well, it was time to clean the bathroom. My pretty dress got ruined due to my idiotism and I wondered how could I save it. Then I remembered when I was little, we painted my old clothes with some purple onion skins. I rushed to the bag they brought me with ingredients and as expected the bottom was filled with trash. I started to pick out the purple onion skins and heated some water up on the stove in my biggest cookware. I've washed the dress as much as I could and soaked into the hot water and with onion skins.

- Hopefully it will work and I'll have a gorgeous purple dress. - the wind carried voices and the sound of laughter from the town nearby and I just closed my eyes standing at the door. I couldn't step out, yet! - But one day, with a little help, I'll. Until then, I will imagine that I'm somewhere far away. Playing and eating freely. - I smiled at the thought that those laughters are going to be mine once. I could also hear some music, someone left their windows open probably and had the radio volume turned up. I didn't mind as I could listen to some music. It must've been a new Irish banger, because I've never heard it before, but I really liked it. Before I noticed, I've sang the refrain in my mind and my legs moved by their own will. I closed my eyes and danced in my fresh, clean, and beautiful home. It had been a decade ago that I last danced. Emilio used to turn the radio on, put me on top of his feet and danced with me around the house each time the weather was scary. A tear escaped my eye at the memory and I made a silent promise.

- I'm going to live the fullest and find my own happiness. I'm going to leave this nightmare behind and meet people just like you. I might even meet the Prince we used to read about every night until I knew the story by heart and you got asleep by the middle of it. I'm going to live Emilio.