JUPITER.
It started out too long ago for me to stop.
on the first day of 4th grade I saw you and my life hasn't been the same ever since. you were sat at the front of the class with a group of students gathered around you, speaking excitedly.
you became all I could think about, all I could see... all I wanted to see. at first I thought it was envy, everyone knew you, you were handsome and smart and so so energetic that I thought maybe I couldn't stop staring because I wanted to be just like you but deep down I️ knew that that was very far from the truth.
one day, you came to school with a gloomy shadow following you and you yelled at a teacher when they said you didn't get the right answer. you sat next to me at lunch, maybe it was because I was sitting on the only somewhat empty table and you needed space. but you started crying, yelling about how unfair life was and how you wished you could disappear and I started to panic because you meant so much to me and I didn't know how to help so I started crying too and you froze and looked up at me and started crying even harder.
when things settled down, you had missed the chance to eat your food because the bell was ringing saying lunch was over so i gave you the tangerine that my grandmother had packed for me and you smiled so brightly, said tangerines were your favorite.
from that day on, whenever you saw me, you'd smile your beautiful smile.
you'd wave at me and call me tangerine. I had assume that you called me that because you didn't know my real name but you used to help the teacher take roll so I'm sure you knew everyone's name.
things changed on the 25th of may when news spread about your mother drowning.
from that day, every day at lunch you no longer looked for a somewhat empty table, you started having full meltdowns in the girl's bathroom. and everyday at lunch I would stand outside and cry with you in hopes that whoever was watching would take pity on you because someone loved you so much that they could so openly cry when you were.
I left you a tangerine then too, even 3 years later when you stopped crying, stop talking all together.
I left you a tangerine.
it became our thing even though you stopped knowing my name, smiling and waving at me.
in the 8th grade the tangerine stopped working, it wasn't enough anymore, I guess your pain had grown so tall that tangerine trees could no longer reach. I started writing letters, letters i hoped would help just as much as the tangerine used to.. for a while it did.
I would watch from afar as you opened them to silly pictures or a dumb new york post comic or just a poem describing what you mean to me and you'd smile the smile I loved so daringly.
soon that too wasn't enough, soon you started getting tattoos and talking to the boys that bullied me, the boys that ensured that I sat alone regardless of where it was that I was sitting.
soon you were able to see me but just as a spineless pig that your friends would cruelly pick on but you never once spoke to them about it.
I was so angry that I stopped, I stopped looking at you, I stopped buying tons and tons of tangerines and started buying apples. I hated even looking at you.
but then you started looking for the tangerines. you checked your gym locker, you checked your regular locker and even your book bag several times, perhaps you had really lost something but for some reason I kept thinking that it was that thing that you'd lost.
and for once I realized that something I did was important to you, that something I did was important to someone
so I started thinking that maybe I had a chance, that maybe if I came out in the clear.. I could mean something to you.
what do you think?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
I walked towards his gym locker and opened it with a spare key I had illegal obtained.
in the locker was a small note and my letter to him had been taken out.
my heart started beating fast, my ears had heated up to a torturous amount and my fingers had started shaking as i reached over to grab the note.
hey stranger,
if you know me as much as you swear you do, then you know that I don't like p*****s, so just come out. I'll decide then if you mean anything to me.
heat rushed to my face almost immediately.
there's a huge possibility that I could mean something to him thats why he would say that right?.
"GUYS, GUYS SOMETHING'S HAPPENING TO JUPITER." a voice yelled and I slammed the locker lock before running towards the hallway where the sound came from.
The minute I saw jupiter my cheeks reddened even more, he was dressed in black ripped skinny jeans and a plain white tee shirt and a gucci blue jean jacket.
there was a girl in front of him, she had long curly black hair, she was stunning even just from the back and so obviously from an afro-latina heritage.
"I like you." she said, my eyes widen from surprise.
no.. no. she's confessing before me. what if he accepts her. he's never had a girlfriend before so this would be entirely new territory... how will I still fit in?.
Jupiter being way taller than the girl at 6'3, looked down at the girl.
he looked like he was about to say something but she interrupted.
"I like you so much, i've liked you so much for so long why won't you just accept me. I was told you liked girls with long hair so I grew my hair out, I was told you liked girls with heavy chest so I neglected proper dietary requirements just so I could get bigger and meet your requirements. what am I doing wrong?." she shouted, angry was spread across her face. her face was even turning bright red from her anger.
Jupiter ran a hand through his hair.
"Telia, you're-" he started but the shorter girl interrupted again. a huge smile adorned my face as his brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed at her.
"great, don't do that, I don't want to be let down gently just tell me the truth."
a short cocky laugh let his mouth.
"i was going to say you're not my type, I don't like girls that make scenes, I don't like girls that don't have any confidence in themselves and I specifically do not like people who interrupt me, as you can see.. you are the exact opposite of what I want. in the future to reframe yourself from embarrassment.. talk to me privately." he said before walking passed her and on to my direction.
the girl starts sobbing right there in the hallway.
I start shivering, thats going to be me soon.
I didn't even realize that I was staring in the middle of the hallway until jupiter was standing right in front of me.
"are you just gonna stand there like an i***t?, can't you see that i'm trying to go somew-" he said and i instantly hide my eyes behind my overgrown bangs. just breathe... in... out.. don't panic... not in front of him.
"where'd you get-?" he snatched the note he had left for me. i had completely forgotten i had in my hand.
"tangerine?" he asked a small smirk creeped on his flawless face.