my life....

“I was thinking of going on a walk this afternoon. You wanna come?” Shi Qingxuan looks at him as he finishes off his latest cup of tea, eyebrows furrowed in a mixture of contemplation and irritation at the interruption to his reading time. He sets the cup down before answering. “Why do you need my company for this exercise that you call a walk? And why today, specifically? It is not even midday yet, so you should have had enough time to make it to town and back.” The other man gives him a wry smile, looking a little sheepish and apologetic. “I really am sorry! But I couldn’t very well go alone, right? After all… you were the one who asked me to visit with you in the first place…” The last part was said more to himself than anything else. Qingxuan doesn't answer immediately. He' s brow still furrows, deep and thoughtful. “If I may ask, what exactly is it that you're planning to accomplish by accompanying me today?” It's not an unreasonable question. There are many things about this world that require a cultivator to deal with on their own. It has been many years since he first arrived here; some time ago, during what could be called the first year of his cultivation. But, as he told Shi Qingxuan earlier, there are also many times where one might need a strong hand to steady them, if they' ve let themselves get carried away by their own thoughts. And, in truth, it would only be logical for him to request for help if he were to face something like this. A lot has changed in the ten years since they parted ways, when they met again in a small village. He can' t forget how, for several weeks after their parting, Shi Qingxuan had made every effort to try to talk to him, despite how he always seemed so far away. He had tried everything to reach him, but even now it seems difficult for Qingxuan to open up to him – even though, now, that he thinks about it, he shouldn' t have expected Shi Qingxuan to be as easygoing or willing as him. And so… well... “Oh, nothing specific. Just wanted to walk around town a bit, maybe take in some fresh air…” A nervous chuckle escapes from between Shi Qingxuan' s lips. “I see…” He says, giving the other man another look before turning back to his book. He does not reply, nor does he show any sign of changing his mind. “Well, anyway! If you'll excuse me, I'd better get going. My friends are already waiting for me, and I haven't eaten yet.” There's a slight hint of guilt hidden within the last words. “See you later, Qingxuan.” Before Qingxuan can say anything, Shi Qingxuan quickly leaves, leaving a stunned Qingxuan sitting on the couch. ‘Friends…? Wait..!’ His eyes widen in shock. What if Shi Qingxuan means he has friends in this world? He hasn' t seen any other cultivators besides himself, aside from his former teacher and some of the residents of the village, ever since Shi Qingxuan went missing ten years ago. But now, somehow, he knows of several other people in this world who seem to be able to summon and use spiritual energy. Perhaps his cultivation techniques were wrong about those two things. Perhaps it wasn't him who possessed this power. He stands and puts on his boots, then makes sure to check if all of his belongings are in order. Finally, he leaves their apartment through the window. After closing the latch behind him, he takes a step forward onto the roof, and proceeds to fly towards the nearest temple. He is greeted by a guard stationed at the gates, but soon enough, they let him inside without much trouble. On the main floor of the temple, he finds one of his old teachers sitting under a tree, sipping tea while reading some scrolls. When he hears a footstep approach him, he puts the scrolls away and gets to his feet. “Ah, good morning. Did you sleep well?” “Yes, thanks. And yourself?” Zheng Chen answers with an affirmative hum, leading Qingxuan into one of the hallways. They walk together until they reach their destination. As he waits for Zheng Chen to set the table, he wonders about what kind of things his friend did during this last twenty years. It is not unusual for Qingxuan to spend most of his time in seclusion, either because he prefers to spend his time alone rather than trying to find someone or just because no one bothers him here. But now that he's aware of the fact that others have other lives and experiences and that his friend has not been idle these past few years, he can't help but feel curious as to what he did during that time. He is eager to meet his friend and ask him about everything he has done over the last decade. As it turns out, Zheng Chen enjoys a leisurely breakfast – the same breakfast that Qingxuan enjoyed ten years ago. They sit together quietly while they consume their meal; Zheng Chen seems to enjoy his food just fine, but Qingxuan has found himself unable to eat more than half a plate of rice. At least, if he eats too much, he'll probably end up losing his appetite. But this morning, Zheng Chen is unusually silent. After they finish eating and cleaning up, Qingxuan asks what his friend was doing during his recent stay. “Oh, I've been studying and writing books all that time,” Zheng Chen replies simply. Then he pauses. “Have you noticed anything strange lately?” Strange? Qingxuan tilts his head to the side. Is it possible that he senses something amiss with me? But then again, I suppose that Zheng Chen is not necessarily talking about something that happened to him personally. “Not particularly. Why do you ask?” Another pause. “You know… I've never really seen anyone in your position. Even the other villagers avoid me whenever we happen to pass each other. I was worried… that there is something I missed.” Something you missed? Oh, you mean that I don't remember you, that was what he meant? Well, Qingxuan feels guilty for making such a poor impression, but he doesn't quite understand what Zheng Chen's problem is. Maybe he wants to be friends with him. This is a possibility that occurs often to him. After all, Qingxuan has never had to worry that someone would take advantage of him, and now Zheng Chen has shown that he cares so much about his wellbeing, so perhaps Qingxuan's behavior is understandable. Even so, something tells Qingxuan that Zheng Chen must still be harboring ill feelings regarding his current situation. So, when he finally decides to confront Zheng Chen on this subject, Qingxuan asks if they could possibly discuss things further over lunch. When Zheng Chen agrees, Qingxuan makes sure that they will go somewhere quiet where he won't disturb the other people passing by outside the door, and they settle down for a peaceful day in town. In the evening, when they're heading to bed, Qingxuan decides to bring up the topic once more. “Zheng Chen, have you ever thought of returning to Qing Jing Peak? I don't mean returning as the new sect leader or whatever, since it seems to be a bit of a sore subject to talk about, but you know… to live a normal life again.” That question surprises Zheng Chen into silence for long enough that Qingxuan starts to wonder whether he should have spoken up at all. But then, after another moment or two, Zheng Chen gives him a smile – a very bright smile, almost too cheerful for a man who has lost his memory. “Why would I want to return there? I've grown used to living here now. Besides, I'm pretty much content being the head monk here, aren't I?” There's a hint of sadness and self regret in the way he says that last sentence; although Qingxuan doesn't know why exactly he is feeling like this, but nevertheless, he nods slightly, before offering a reassuring smile to Zheng Chen. “I suppose I didn't realize it quite yet, but I really think you are doing a great job leading the Order. You managed to lead us all the way here to this world.” A warm smile appears on Zheng Chen's face as he nods. Then, looking away from Qingxuan, he continues. “But Qing Jing Peak's location isn't really ideal for me anymore.” That statement catches Qingxuan off guard. Not ideal? But wouldn't having your own personal quarters here be convenient? Or even better, a room close to yours where you could keep a guest? He looks back at Zheng Chen again, but the man still refuses to look directly at him. “What are you saying, Zheng Chen?” This time, he finally does manage to catch his gaze. He looks troubled and somewhat anxious. “I'm sorry. It's a bit selfish. But the Order is still my family. I miss them.” He tries not to sound too upset when he answers: “The Order? But don't you want to be with them? Isn't that why you came? To reconnect with them?” Again, Zheng Chen shakes his head and averts his eyes, once again seeming hesitant to answer Qingxuan's questions. “No, I…” The man sighs deeply before continuing. “But the Order has changed so much. How am I supposed to tell everyone what happened to me? They might be upset, and I don't want them to suffer in my absence. And I can't forget what happened to Shi Hao. I won't forgive myself for letting him die. And I won't forget about Daji and Miao Miao...” With a wry expression, Zheng Chen adds: “And… how am I supposed to forgive myself if I never see them again? I couldn't bear it…” After that, Zheng Chen stops talking. He looks so dejected, so broken; he must love his friends very much. For many reasons, though, Qingxuan cannot agree with the idea of him leaving the Order. Not to mention, he is also worried for Zixuan. What is going to become of him after Zheng Chen leaves? And for what reason would Zheng Chen need to leave in the first place? Surely, he' already left the monastery, right? He knows that it's not only his duty and obligation to continue serving the Order, but also that he is still responsible for keeping an eye on Zheng Chen. However, what he hasn't expected is the fact that he can't stop thinking about the matter as to why Zheng Chen needs to leave. It feels weird that there is nothing he can actually do for him. He can't just follow him everywhere he goes; he has to stay here and continue doing what the Order asked of him. And besides, he's already promised to take care of Mianmian if something happens to Zheng Chen. If anything, she was the person Zheng Chen loved the most and cared about the most. Now that Zheng Chen is no longer with her, Qingxuan wonders what she'll do. But the next day, she's nowhere to be found, and Zheng Chen's words haunt him even more than yesterday. He hopes that he will never find out. It’s late afternoon when Qingxuan hears footsteps coming from the hallway behind the bamboo house. He glances through the window and sees Mianmian standing outside. When her gaze falls on Qingxuan, her smile broadens and she waves excitedly, before rushing over to the front entrance. She’s wearing her usual red cloak and white trousers today; the sight of her always puts a smile on Qingxuan’s face, even when he’s working on the farm. Although Mianmian has been working hard and trying her best to help around the mountain village, she has also been spending time with both of them, which makes the two brothers extremely happy every single time. She’s still holding onto her basket of wildflowers as she enters the building. “Good day,” she greets Qingxuan brightly. As he responds, he notices something odd about her. Her expression is different than usual – she usually smiles a lot and has a relaxed manner. As far as he’s concerned, her expressions are the same, but somehow he can feel that something has shifted within her. Her smile isn’t as bright and brighten her entire expression like it normally does; instead, her eyes seem to glint mischievously. He thinks that she looks different than the usual, but he can’t explain why, because she hasn’t done anything that has caused him to notice anything unusual about her. Mianmian sets her basket on the ground and takes hold of Qingxuan’s hand to pull him towards the dining table. They sit down together and start eating lunch. They are silent for awhile, until Mianmian eventually speaks. “Xiao Daozhang,” she asks, voice full of curiosity and excitement. Qingxuan hums in reply. He knows that she has noticed that he is acting strangely lately. In fact, it started happening more and more frequently recently. Whenever he meets her these days, she suddenly has one of her mysterious and peculiar mood swings that always make him wonder how to respond. On top of all that, he can sense that she has been avoiding him since that night at the temple. He doesn’t really understand why she feels that way; he hasn’t done anything wrong, nor did she, yet she’s always so evasive whenever they meet in the evenings. She seems to be afraid of him and avoid him completely. Even though this makes it difficult for him to get close to her sometimes, she doesn’t say anything either; he doesn’t want to force her, either. After all, Mianmian had told him that she wants to give herself some time to think. He doesn’t wish to push her. But today she doesn’t ask any questions. Instead, she waits quietly for Qingxuan to finish his meal before speaking again. “Xiao Daozhang,” she begins, “do you remember when we were kids and we used to play hide and seek?” Qingxuan nods. “Of course I do. We used to hide in the forest and pretend that we were spies. We would often pretend that we were spies, you and I; you always got away while hiding under bushes and stuff. Do you still do that?” He laughs softly at the thought of the two of them playing that game, especially when Mianmian hides under shrubs and he has to find her. Sometimes he’ll end up searching for almost half an hour before he finally manages to find her. It always made him feel embarrassed to be caught doing such a thing. Still, he likes being chased around by Mianmian; it makes him feel free and happy. Suddenly, Mianmian starts laughing as well. “We always used to pretend to be spies, and we always ended up hiding under bushes instead. Of course, you would always win at Hide and Seek. I was always the seeker, after all, you always had the advantage of knowing where the enemy was hiding.” She then pauses for a moment and turns to look back at Qingxuan. “But you don’t have to be the seeker anymore. You don’t need to search for me anymore, either, now that the Order is gone. There’s no point in hiding anymore. So why don’t we play together again now? Just for fun. It doesn’t have to be hide and seek this time. All you have to do is just wait for me at the entrance.” Qingxuan hesitates for a while, looking uncertain. “But… but… what if the others are inside? I should stay in order to look after them, right? Shouldn’t I go back? Or maybe you’re the one who needs to come back? Why are you telling me this? And where did this sudden change come from?” Mianmian shrugs lightly, still smiling, as she says: “That’s true. But you don’t really have to worry about them anymore. They’ve already gotten over their shock and recovered from everything that’s happened. They’ll probably be able to handle themselves soon enough. Besides, if you go back now, you wouldn’t be able to spend too much time with me. I wouldn’t like to be alone in the dark.” Qingxuan is surprised at the sudden shift in attitude from Mianmian’s side. He’d originally suspected that it had to do with her relationship with Zheng Chen, but he hadn’t realized that she might actually miss him too. It breaks his heart to hear such sad news. “You’re right. That wouldn’t work. Then you should visit more often! And bring Zheng Chen along. I bet he misses you too.” “Really?” she sounds excited. Qingxuan nods. “Yes, definitely!” he smiles. Then he realizes that his sister must be getting hungry and he decides to help her prepare the food. Since their mother is usually busy in the kitchen, they often cook for each other, even though she’s more experienced than him. She has been cooking most of the meals ever since father died. Mianmian has never complained about her mother’s cooking and although she is not particularly fond of it or her cooking skills, she enjoys the taste nonetheless. And it doesn’t hurt for her to learn from someone more experienced than her, does it? Once they are finished preparing the dinner, they sit down to eat and eat. While they’re having dinner, they discuss a lot about the things that happened during the past few years since they last saw each other. They talk about all kinds of subjects, from childhood memories (Mianmian’s), to the weather (Qingxuan’s), to the upcoming summer festivals (his). At times, they reminisce about past experiences. Other times, they talk about new experiences that they have learned from reading books and watching plays. Their conversation goes on and on, until the sun starts to set, signalling the beginning of another new day. When Mianmian stands up to leave, he quickly stands up from his seat too and follows her into the courtyard, where he grabs some firewood. Before he goes inside to light the fire, he tells Mianmian that he will try his best to convince her father to allow her to return to the village, despite being unable to come with her. She only giggles in response, as a sign of approval, and heads towards the door. After bidding goodbye, Mianmian walks out of the gate with her basket of wildflowers in hand. Once outside of the house, she sees someone waving their hand at her. As she walks closer to them, she sees that it’s Xiao Daozhang. “Daozhang,” she calls out with a smile as she walks towards him. The man grins widely in return and gives her a cheerful wave. “Good evening,” he greets happily. “Good evening, Xiao Daozhang,” Mianmian replies. Then she frowns slightly. “Why didn’t you come to my house earlier to greet me?” At that point, Xiao Daozhang looks a little guilty. He sighs deeply and says: “I wanted to tell you myself that you can come home now, but you seemed to have something else on your mind. What is it?” “It’s nothing. It’s just that the people at the village haven’t seen your face for a very long time. I wanted to see whether they were treating you alright,” she explains. “Oh,” Xiao Daozhang answers. “Thank you for asking though. The village treated me well. No harm done. I don’t know why, but whenever I came here in the past and asked for you, you weren’t there. I couldn’t believe that you hadn’t returned yet. So I guess everyone at the village was starting to grow tired of waiting. They said that I was taking too long; they thought I would never make things right with you.” Mianmian stares at him questioningly, wondering if the villagers had spoken ill of him behind his back. “Are you alright?” she asks worriedly. “I’m fine. The villagers were just trying to take advantage of me; they knew that I wouldn’t stand any chance against you, so they tried to get me out of your way,” Xiao Daozhang answers easily. Mianmian nods slowly. She knows how the village can be sometimes, but she hasn’t heard about anyone giving advice regarding Xiao Daozhang’s behavior. Maybe those villagers are just exaggerating, she thinks. If so, she wants to thank them later once Xiao Daozhang gets better. They both stand there for a while in silence. After a while, she asks: “So, um… are you going to stay in the village for a long time or…?” Xiao Daozhang shakes his head. “Actually, I am heading towards Wenzhou City tomorrow morning. I should be able to catch some ships today, if I manage to catch a couple before the boat leaves.” “Are you traveling by ship? Don’t they call it shipwrecked boats now? Isn’t that rather risky?” Mianmian asks curiously. Xiao Daozhang chuckles. “Well, yeah. The ships won’t stop if they can’t find an unoccupied one. But you don’t have to worry. I will be very careful.” For some reason, Mianmian suddenly feels like crying. “Do you really mean that? You’ll be careful? Will the ship sink without you aboard? How will they survive? Where will they be sent next? Do you think they’ll end up somewhere far away? Will they ever be free? Who knows, Daozhang? Please, please be careful, okay? I know they are only doing it because the others want them to do it, but they are also our friends, you know. We shouldn’t let anything bad happen to them.” Her words begin to choke up and tears start to form in her eyes, threatening to spill at any given moment. He places his hands around her shoulders and pulls her into a warm hug. “Don’t cry,” he murmurs softly as she leans onto him. “Don’t think about these things. Everything will turn out fine. Don’t be scared. Everything will be alright.” She clings tightly onto Xiao Daozhang’s shirt with all her strength as tears flow freely down her cheeks. But Xiao Daozhang does not try to wipe them off as he holds her close. He simply embraces her, gently stroking her hair and holding her tightly to himself. After a few minutes, Mianmian stops crying. She tries to pull herself together. Eventually, she looks up at Xiao Daozhang and manages to smile at him. “Let’s go inside and eat. There’s still plenty of food left. And we haven’t discussed what you’re gonna do when you get home either,” he reminds her. She nods. “Okay. Let me clean up this mess first and then come over.” He lets go of her after she finishes tidying the table up. Together, they walk into the house. Just when Mianmian goes to wash up, she hears Xiao Daozhang calling for her again. When she comes back out, he sits down on his cushion again. “How did it go with your husband yesterday? Did everything work out? Is he still angry? Does he love you? Is he kind and gentle?” With a smile, she pats his shoulder and sits down besides him. “Everything went smoothly yesterday,” she answers. Her smile widens. “Although he isn’t exactly pleased with the situation. He might seem a bit distant now.” “Does he still have any complaints to speak with me?” Xiao Daozhang asks anxiously. Her smile disappears instantly. “He has no complaints. Actually, he seems to feel better already. It’s more that he’s afraid of upsetting me now. After all, there are a lot of things that could upset me, and I need to keep myself composed in order to keep everyone safe,” she answers in a soft voice. Xiao Daozhang nods understandingly. “That’s true,” he agrees. “He must be worrying over nothing. You must trust him more, Mianmian. I hope you can soon forget about him. Remember, you have me now; remember that.” “Yeah, thanks, Daozhang,” Mianmian says. She reaches up and ruffles his hair affectionately. She smiles at him once more before standing up. Grabbing the broom from beside her stool, she walks back through the doorway and into the kitchen. When she returns, she places the broom down on top of her stall and picks up a brush from the floor nearby. With the brush in her hand, she begins to paint. Later that afternoon, Xiao Daozhang goes to talk to Zhu Lingyu while Mianmian goes on a stroll by the river in the town centre. At some point during her walk, she starts to feel a sudden pain in her chest. It hurts so much that she almost drops the bowl of flowers she is carrying in her hands. But, surprisingly enough, this pain does not spread throughout her entire body. Instead, it only makes it hurt worse and it becomes harder for her to breathe. After dropping the bowl to the ground, Mianmian clutches at her throat in distress and doubles over in pain, gasping desperately for air. She cannot even move anymore as the pain starts to grow more intense. It is as if someone has ripped open the fabric on her chest and cut right into her heart. As she feels blood trickle out through her fingers, she gasps desperately for air. As she falls to her knees, her vision darkens. The last thing she sees is her own distorted reflection staring down at her with wide eyes. *** In an unfamiliar room, a middle aged woman lies down, holding a small child in her arms. Her skin is pale white and there is a hint of redness around her lips. Her eyes are closed but they flutter open occasionally, looking around in confusion. This sight is familiar to Xiao Daozhang. He knows who this woman is. She is the mother of their daughter; Mianmian. The mother looks around frantically before she spots a figure sitting beside her bed. The woman gasps softly as she sees Xiao Daozhang. “Daozhang?” she croaks out. “Why are you here? Why have you brought me here?” Xiao Daozhang takes another step forward. Seeing him, the mother quickly grabs his arm as fear flashes across her face. “Please don’t hurt me!” she begs. “Mother, I need to ask you something,” Xiao Daozhang says quietly, taking a hold of her hand carefully. He doesn't let go until the mother lets go of his hand. “What do you need?” she whispers. He pauses for a second before speaking: “Did you see my wife yesterday? What happened after that?” His mother's eyes widen slightly at the question. “Yes, we saw each other yesterday. Why? Are you asking whether she is safe? Is she okay now? What happened?” At first, he was surprised by her questions, but soon he realises that she is just curious – that she truly does not know what had happened the previous day. He is sure that Mianmian never told her about the incident. In fact, he doubts that she ever would. His mind is racing now, trying to process everything. The only conclusion he can make is that somehow, his mother was transported to another world. She may have died. No matter how hard he thinks about it, he just cannot fathom why anyone would have been willing to transport his mother into a parallel universe. He wonders where they went afterwards. Did they leave the same way as he had? Had they reached the place they came from? Or perhaps they were unable to return because the portal leading back had collapsed? That could explain a lot of things. After all, it wasn’t easy getting back. But most importantly, he is terrified by the possibility that his family may have been killed by the man from yesterday. They may have been slaughtered. Perhaps his father and sister are dead as well. Maybe… maybe they were the ones who brought his mom here. If that is the case, it would mean that their son, Ximen Dazhu, is the one who killed his parents. How dare he kill someone like that. Xiao Daozhang closes his eyes momentarily, feeling dizzy. He opens them again. The only thing he can focus on is the fear, anger, and sadness coursing through his veins. All of the emotions are clouding his mind and causing him to become very confused. When he finally calms down, he turns to look at his mother. The expression on her face has changed. From curiosity, to worry, and then to pure panic. He watches as her pupils dilate and she slowly raises a shaking hand and touches her lips. He looks behind her, and his heart jumps in surprise. His father is standing behind her, looking worried. He quickly looks away. This couldn’t be happening again. After what happened, Xiao Daozhang knew tha t if he ever lost his family, he wouldn’t survive it. He will definitely never want to see his own father or brother again. .