Risk It All

RIA 01

The ascending sound of the alarm coming from Ian’s phone that gets louder and louder as every second would pass, echoing inside the corners of the condominium unit, pulled Ian awake from his deep sleep. He squeezed his eyes using the back part of his right hand as he got up slowly, adjusting his eyesight to the brightness of the morning sunlight seeping in through the glass window at one side of the living area. He pressed his left forearm as he was sitting up before he rested his left hand on the floor, preventing himself from lying down back to the floor.

Mumbling incoherent words, Ian turned his head around. He was wondering why he slept on the floor in their living area. He lowered his head as he recalled what happened. And in just a matter of a split second, he remembered that he and Bill did a live stream. Bill leaving their condominium unit with him only staring at the guy who exited the door also flashed in his mind. It finally came into him that he had fallen to sleep while staring at the main door, where Bill left. He did not notice that along with the loneliness, he felt that exact moment made him lose his senses on everything and just focus on the same spot where he last saw Bill.

Ian sighed deeply and heavily. The sigh also lasted longer than usual. He shook his head right after. He cleared his mind as he reminded himself to divert his attention on things that are not related to Bill. He needed his me-time. He must not think of Bill all the time, most especially think that Bill will see him the same way he sees his best friend.

His stomach grumbled suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts. His hand quickly found its place over his stomach. Then, he grabbed his phone from one side, deciding to grab something to eat. He was still convincing himself not to think of Bill as of the moment. For sure, Bill isn’t thinking of him now.

“Stop thinking of him, Ian. You need to focus on yourself. Bill is busy entertaining his girlfriend this instance,” he whispered, talking to himself.

As Ian was standing up, his mind changed. Instead of making his way towards the kitchen, he went straight to his room and to the bathroom. He did his morning routine, quickly taking a shower. He then walked out of the shower wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist.

The room was filled with dead silence as Ian was walking to his closet. Since the day he started living with Bill in that unit, there was never a day that he would find himself getting along with the silence every time Bill would leave him alone. He somehow got used to it already. At least, in this case, he got the freedom to be himself and do the things he couldn’t do when he was still staying with his parents. He could not express what’s in his mind. Well, he can, but no one cares about his words if he will say his opinions. So he thought his situation now is way better than before.

Closing one side of the closet, Ian checked himself in front of the full-body mirror stuck on the door of his closet. A simple and plain white v-neck shirt that is paired with knee-length denim shorts suited him well. The towel was on his head, drying his hair.

Ian moved his head from one side to another as he checked his face in the mirror while brushing the towel on his hair. When he got satisfied with the way he looks, he stared straight into the mirror as if he was having a connection with his reflection, talking only using his pair of eyes.

Slowly, he took off the towel, dragging it down with his right hand to the side. His messy hair complemented his innocent-looking face and pale white skin complexion. He simply brushed his locks of hair upwards using his left hand. His hair was naturally smooth, making it easy for him to fix it without using any hair wax or gel to keep his desired hairstyle.

He beamed a small smile, lips together and not showing his teeth. Then, he exhaled heavily as he relaxed himself, getting ready to go out with himself alone once again.

Ian went back to the bathroom first to hang the towel he used, drying it hanging on a stainless steel near the shower area. He walked out of the bathroom and moved near his bed. He snatched his wallet from a drawer on the bedside table. He slipped the wallet in the back pocket of his shorts on the right. Then, he stormed out of his room.

But before he could close his bedroom door, he stopped in his tracks. He turned his head back inside his room. It seemed like he forgot to bring something. And before he realized what it was, Bill’s image abruptly popped into his mind. It was as if he could hear his own voice telling him to remember to lock the main door when he left. And it was at that precise moment that Ian realized he hadn't brought his door key.

He pushed the door open. He dashed his way back to the bedside table. There, on the bedside table, his key to their unit was lying in peace. He quickly grabbed the door key that looks like a card. He then fished his wallet out of his pocket, and he placed the key on one of the small pockets in his wallet.

***

Ian found himself entering a mall after taking a ten-minute walk. It was the nearest mall from their condominium. His stomach kept reminding him to eat already as his stomach was still empty. He did not eat breakfast with Bill early this morning. Well, he is not a breakfast person, to begin with.

Still deciding where to eat and what he will eat, Ian continued to walk, looking around, eyeing every food store his sight catches. After a while, he already passed a number of food stores. However, nothing piqued his interest or compelled him to enter the food stores. He continued strolling inside the huge building until he suddenly stopped on his feet when his eyes spotted someone inside a restaurant.

Ian could not say who the person was since he could only see the person’s back from his perspective. Despite the fact that he could only see the back of the person, he is confident that he recognized him. His guts told him he knew who it was.

Unconsciously, Ian just found himself walking towards the restaurant. His eyes were still fixed on the guy. He doesn't understand why he can't take his gaze away from the man. It's as if he was drawn and pushed to the location by something. His heart started to thump, which got stronger as he took another step closer to the restaurant. He entered the said restaurant. But the odds were still not on his side. He still could not see the face of the guy he was watching.

“Welcome, sir! Table for how many people, sir? Or do you have a reservation already?” a pleasing and respectful voice distracted him.

Ian turned his head to face the person asking him. He gently smiled before answering. “Just a table good for one person. Please,” he replied calmly. Although he was facing the waiter, the attention of his eyes was at the corner of his peripheral vision.

“Okay, sir. This way, please.” The waiter stretched his right arm, guiding Ian the way.

Ian followed the waiter’s lead to the table. His eyes widened upon realizing that the waiter was walking towards the direction of the person who caught his attention minutes ago. He quickly composed himself, preventing him from looking like a weirdo in the eyes of other customers that might see him, his facial expression, to be exact.

He was holding his breath as he walked, following the waiter. He just felt light when the waiter stopped two tables away from where the guy was. He sighed in relief as he sat on the available seat. The waiter gave him the menu.

“Just call the attention of the staff if you are ready to order, sir,” the waiter said before turning his back and assisting another customer.

Ian simply nodded his head in response to the waiter. When the waiter had left him already, Ian could not stop himself from moving his head in the direction of the familiar guy. He almost jumped off from his seat when he got face to face with the guy. The guy isn’t just familiar to him. The guy is a close person to him, very close. The guy is his best friend. It was Bill.

Now, Ian confirmed to himself that he really knows Bill even if he can’t see the guy’s face. There is something or a bond that connects him to his best friend, which he could not explain.

Bill seemed like he did not see him as Bill keeps on talking with the girl he is with at the table, sitting in front of him. Sighing, Ian looked at the girl, who was carefully slicing a piece of steak on her plate. She was smiling sweetly as she kept on listening to Bill’s flowery words.

Shaking his head, Ian smiled bitterly as he turned his eyes on the menu resting on the flat surface of the table. That girl must be Mitzie. She looks pretty. With her beautiful face, anyone will agree with me that she’s perfect for Bill, if and only if Bill is serious with her.

“If he is serious with her,” Ian uttered with a low voice as if he’s whispering to himself.

His own words struck him real hard. He went silent as if he cut his tongue. What if Bill is already serious with her now? What if Bill is now in love with Mitzie?

A part of him was disagreeing with him. How could he get serious now and that quick? Ian knew Bill was always playing around with girls ever since they were in college. He knew everything he did, especially in his dating activities. Well, not all; he doesn’t know if Bill already slept with one of his past girlfriends. But who knows? Bill is a player. It is not impossible. But, a part of him also wanted Bill to be serious this time with Mitzie.

In this case, it is somehow a win-win situation for him. He will finally see Bill settling into a serious relationship that he had always wished for and encourages Bill to be in. He knew Bill had to get serious or else bad karma would strike him down with more pain and heavier than what Bill had made his previous girlfriends feel when he broke up with them, telling them that they were just a pastime for him.

Also, on Ian’s side, it will not be that difficult for him to move on, get over with, and forget what he feels for his best friend, knowing that Bill is in the right person he needed to be with. And that person isn’t him. That person will never be him.

Ian raised his right hand, calling the attention of any waiter that could see him. From nowhere, he suddenly felt like someone was watching him from somewhere, and he heard a voice whispering in his ear to look in a particular direction.

Without feeling any hesitations, Ian followed the voice. He turned his head to Bill’s table and was surprised when Bill was looking straight at him with crooked eyebrows. But it instantly faded out from Bill’s face and was replaced with a wide smile. He saw Bill talk to the girl he was with. And the girl also looked in his direction. She waved a hand at him with a smile.

They really looked good and perfect together. Of all the girls Bill had dated, she’s the one who perfectly fits him in one look.