Keeping Superman’s Secret

SIX

Onyx had come to my bedroom for the second time in less then one week. So, as I stood in front of the balcony doors debating whether or not to unlock them, it felt as if I were living in some sort of alternate universe. The elusive superhero who no one could accurately claim they had ever met was on my balcony, waiting for me to open the door. Behind the curtains I could see his shadowy outline subtly shift on his feet with impatience. It’s now or never, Allison. I told myself, taking a deep breath and then clicking the lock.

The door swung open and Onyx looked at me curiously when I stared at him. Now watching his hair blow in the wind, the loose straps of his mask flying on the back of his head. He looked me over slowly and I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering as my pyjamas provided a poor barrier against the cold air.

“Can I come in?” His deep voice called into the air around us and I debated with myself only for a moment before stepping to the side. He walked into my room slowly as I sat down on the edge of my bed, sitting on my hands. He was quiet, taking the same seat as the other night in my desk chair. Swivelling slightly, he leaned forward, this time resting his elbows on his legs and letting his head fall into his hands.

We sat in silence for a few moments, then he finally looked up at me, rubbing his hands over his face one last time. “I think I’ve figured it out,” he murmured under his breath. His eyes were blue like the ocean, the glowing haze from earlier had faded, but they still intimidated me as he held my gaze. Then he finally said, “you lied to me.”

“What? I didn’t lie,” I stumbled out way too quickly as I tried desperately to cover my own ass, knowing damn well I had lied to him. And for what? So I could pretend I hadn’t met him and continue living my life as normal, even though normal seemed far from possible right now. How long did I think this was going to last anyway? I should have known better. I had always been a terrible liar.

“What did you do on Sunday night?” He asked me, swivelling the chair again so he now faced me directly. His eyes still unmoving from mine but narrowing now with focus.

“I volunteered at the hospital,” I said without breaking our eye contact. If he thought he could get me to confess he was surely mistaken, there was no way I was breaking this. Not that it even really mattered anymore, but I seemed to be continuing this lie out of pure stubbornness now. I wouldn’t allow him to be right.

“And?” He waved his hands, waiting for me to continue. I rolled my eyes feeling annoyed, he just thought he was so smart, so sure he had caught me, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“And I came home, watched some TV, went to bed,” That one wasn’t technically a lie, I was just leaving out the part about his visit and the bullet, which he’d told me to forget anyway. I didn’t understand why he was so set on whether I remembered the events of Sunday night or not. It’s not like it mattered. Even if I told anyone about seeing him, no one would ever believe me. His secret or whatever was safe.

“That’s it?” His voice was sharper now, clearly getting annoyed.

“Uh yes, now if this conversation is over -” I began, but was quickly cut off.

“Liar” he accused, the blue in his eyes burning a little bit brighter. He stood up from the chair and stepped closer to me, towering over me in his stance, but I did my best not to look intimidated. “And I know you’re lying because in all this time you haven’t once mentioned how weird it is that I’m in your bedroom right now. It’s as if you expected this, as if we’ve done this before,” he said, a smirk coming across his face. That cocky smirk, as if he thought he could win so easily.

“Well, I saw you earlier today,” I said, folding my arms over my chest once more. That definitely didn’t help make this moment any more normal, but Onyx just laughed.

“And you were unfazed there too,” he nodded his head towards me.

“So I’m lying because I’m not one of your crazy fan girls who scream and shout and go aww omg I love you Onyx will you save me?” I made my voice high and squeaky to mimic the fan club. His eyes watched me and I noticed a sparkle come to them as a smile crossed his lips. He was amused by my little performance and I could tell he was holding back a laugh. I blushed, feeling embarrassed suddenly. Composing myself quickly, I smirked back at him, feeling confident in my rebuttal.

“You are impossible,” he groaned and shook his head, then fell back onto the bed beside me. The mattress bounced as he hit it and began rubbing his hands over his mask once again. I grinned feeling like I had finally won, but then he dropped his hands back to his side and looked up at me. The softest look in his gaze as he said quietly, “hey we should have another karaoke session. Maybe that lame band you were listening to will jog your memory.”

And before I could even think through my next sentence, I felt my defences rise. I blurted out, “The X Ambassadors are not lame.” By the time I realized my mistake it was too late, because Onyx was already flashing me that knowing smirk.

“Gotcha,” he whispered, a smile spread across his face revealing his sparkly white teeth and I couldn’t help but notice how good he looked when he smiled. I quickly looked away from him, my cheeks burning. Shoot, how could I lie my way out of this one? “Now I just need to figure out why you’re lying to me,” he said, turning onto his side and propping himself up on one elbow. His eyes narrowed on me once again.

You’re trapped Allison, time to just come clean. I took a deep breath and looked over at him. “As hard as it may for you to understand this, this whole week has just been a lot for me and sometimes it’s just easier to pretend it’s not happening and I’m not being stalked by a superhero.” I rushed to say. He was silent after I answered, and when I turned back to him he was staring up at the ceiling like he hadn't even heard me speak.

After a few moments, he finally broke the silence. “If I tell you something, can I trust you?” His eyes met mine again and I felt drawn in. I thought about it for a moment, and though I really had no one I could tell - I also didn’t want to. I wanted him to trust me, even if I wasn’t certain why. So I looked over to him and whispered, “you can trust me,” truly meaning every word.

Onyx took a deep breath and sighed, “sometimes I wish I wasn’t a superhero, sometimes I wish I could make myself forget. So I get it, the wanting to feel like life is normal or whatever,” his gaze never broke from mine, his voice never wavered and I knew he was telling the truth. I moved back from him slightly, surprised by his confession. I had always thought the glory of being a superhero would be more than rewarding.“Yikes, now you know two of my secrets, you really better keep your mouth shut now,” he added, laughing a little to break the ice between us, and I joined in.

“Then why do you do it?” I asked him.

“Because if I didn’t, people like you would be in a lot of trouble,” he joked with me. “Besides, I do love it, it’s just hard sometimes,” I nodded my head in agreement with him. I actually understood what he was talking about. When I volunteered at the hospital, I loved it. I loved helping people, but watching them sick and suffering really took its toll some days.

“Look, you can’t tell anyone about me, about what happened, but if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Terrible at giving advice, but I can listen,” he offered, and I actually felt a little surprised by his comment. Not that I really knew him well enough to want to confess any of my feelings about what had been going on, but I was still grateful for the offer.

“Thanks, that’s actually really nice,” I thanked him, and he shrugged as if it was nothing. I couldn’t help but wonder how many others he had made the same offer to, but then again, if he had, how come no one actually came forward about knowing him and being able to prove it?

“How are you not tired?” He asked, changing the topic. He looked over me curiously again as I brought my legs up onto the bed and leaned against the wall. Hugging them into my chest, I let my head fall forwards and relax.

“I normally work Friday nights, this is usually around the time I get home,” I found myself saying, giving away more personal information than I was normally comfortable with. I had gotten used to staying to myself and not sharing too much. But there was just something about him that drew me in, and it made me want to tell him more and more. “You?” I found myself asking in return.

“I’m still on the clock,” he said, raising his hand up slightly and shaking his watch, and I remembered how it had rung the other night when he suddenly had to go.

“So do you have like a schedule?” I asked him.

“Uh not really, but I like to try and stay out until at least most people are asleep. Less chance I’ll have to jump out of bed and rush to get ready,” I nodded my head, that made sense. I started to understand why he might not like being a superhero, it sort of reminded me of my dad and how he was always getting called into the hospital for weird hours. Like how he got called in one time during the middle of my eighth grade graduation, and it’s hardly like he could say no because someone’s life was on the line. I began to feel a little bad for him, he must miss out on some things sometimes because of what he does.

Suddenly, the watch lit up and Onyx raised it to his eyes, looking at it briefly. “Gotta go, huge bar fight downtown. You should watch it on YouTube or something, I’m sure it’ll be funny” he commented, and I could only imagine what he was headed towards. He hopped off the bed and back towards the balcony door. Then, just before he left, he turned back to me once more to remind me, “remember what I said, don’t be spilling my secrets to anyone.”

“You can trust me,” I said, rolling my eyes again.

“I’m still debating that, you are a pretty impressive liar after all,” he winked at me and my heart stopped for a second, missing a beat. Then he was gone, and I was cursing myself because I didn’t want to be longingly looking after him in the way I was.