Wildfire: Midnight Sun 3

2. Roan

2

Roan

I cast into the river below Pa’s cabin, the plop of my lure lost in the noise of water finding its way between rocks and boulders. Fish weren’t biting, but I hadn’t been intent on catching anything for dinner, anyway. My gaze strayed to the east more often than it did across the water looking for better places to fish.

The waiting, I hated—but I no longer held my breath in anticipation.

After eight years, I gave up hoping Annie would be in the cockpit with her mom or dad when they flew supplies in. Didn’t keep my heart from thumping heavily every time my ears caught the drone of a plane engine approaching. I made sure to be around the homestead on delivery days…just in case.

The real reason for my fishing rather than out hiking in peace and quiet.

Far as I knew, Annie hadn’t ever forgiven me for kissing her without consent on the night before her sixteenth birthday, then being the one responsible for her burned hand. All because I’d wanted another taste of her soft lips and sweet breath and had chased her around the dying fire after her parents had retired to their tent and Ma and Pa to our cabin.

The guilt, my inability to react to her pain, embarrassed the hell out of me. I never spoke of it, never admitted to my parents what I’d done, why she’d been running and fell into the fire.

Because I’d become an animal acting on selfish instincts alone. Salivating at her heels like a starved wolf. My lack of control had caused the one woman I wanted to leave our homestead in a rushed escape by plane.

Her dad had returned a few days later for their belongings, but even then, I’d hightailed it to the hills to keep from having to face him, his anger, for causing his little girl pain. It wasn’t until a year later that I’d learned through Ma that Annie had healed up enough to have full use of her hand.

I still dreamed of her, waking at least once a week with my c**k a single stroke away from erupting in spurts of sticky white. Damned instincts.

She’d been my first kiss.

My only kiss.

And at fuckin’ twenty-seven, I felt doomed to a solitary life, never knowing what it felt like to lose myself between a woman’s thighs. Brock had taken me to town with Pa’s blessing when I’d turned twenty-one to open a savings account of my own for my share of skins and gold we panned together. Brock had offered his home for a short time, to enjoy the sights of the town, perhaps find a woman— same as Pa had suggested.

But I’d fled back to the wilderness rather than take advantage of the Charran’s hospitality.

Too much noise.

Too many lights.

Unbearable smells.

And no woman I’d seen compared to the dark-haired beauty who’d stolen my heart when I’d been nothing but a kid. Annie had made herself scarce that single day I’d been in town. Didn’t catch one glimpse of her.

Little Annie Charran.

I cast again, teeth clenched against a groan as my c**k stirred in my pants, same as every time I thought too long on her.

Spitfire with the kind of life in her dark eyes that sets a man’s soul on fire. The kind of smile and laughter that makes life worth living.

Until you take away that smile, that laughter.

Jessie told me her daughter had healed up just fine the first time I’d found the balls to face one of her parents after the accident. Brock had assured me there was no ill will with the following delivery, but their family never flew out to visit again the way they’d used to.

And the Kelly family never hiked down river to visit during the summer months, either.

Time dragged on while I waited on the plane every spring and fall, only to be disappointed again to find the co-pilot seat empty. Brock and Jessie had forgiven me once I’d manned up and asked for it without going into details of what had truly happened. And I’d heard through Ma who heard from Jessie over a sat phone call once, that Annie didn’t want an apology. Wouldn’t offer forgiveness no matter how much I groveled.

Sassy, stubborn girl, but that part of her made me hard, too.

Pa suggested a mail order bride when I got too cranky and restless, and as the years slipped by and the woman who’d burrowed into my head never showed, I began to give his suggestion some thought.

“Need a cabin and land first, though,” I muttered my usual excuse to myself while reeling in my lure.

Ma and Pa offered a parcel of their acreage up past the berry brambles, but I wanted a bit of distance, even if I couldn’t afford it. Couldn’t have my sisters stopping by whenever they felt the need to drive me insane.

But did I want a woman I’d never met? Was it possible a woman existed with more beauty, more fire, than my Annie?

My much younger twin sisters teased me that I’d lost my heart to her because she’s the only woman outside them, Ma, and Jessie I’d ever met.

But I’d seen dozens of women in town.

And my heart knew, just like Pa told me his did when he’d first seen Ma. She was life, and mine turned up empty every fuckin’ day without her.

Tired of casting, I set aside my pole and scoured the area for spiders a ways from the river’s edge before settling onto my a*s. Cotton grass rose around me, their seed heads waving in the gentle breeze ruffling my too-long hair Ma needed to cut. The lichen beneath my backside had all but dried out since we’d had less snow than normal that winter, and the spring hadn’t brought much-needed rain.

The land around me appeared as bleak as my hopes for more even though Mother Nature’s time of renewal had come.

A low hum I recognized ticked my heart rate up—but it approached from down river.

Brow furrowing, I stood, scanning the blue sky to the east thinking my ears deceived me. The hum grew louder to my right, and I angled that way. Less than a minute later, Jessie’s plane appeared.

I grabbed up my pole and hiked through the grass tussocks, taking care to keep from their clumps so as not to roll an ankle as I’d done dozens of times in my childhood before learning better. The plane buzzed up behind me, flew overhead, and I tilted my chin high, adrenaline rushing to thump my heart as it always did when Jessie’s old plane flew over our home.

She banked and descended low enough I could make her out in the cockpit as she readied to land on the river.

Alone.

No Annie.

Hating the feeling of my heart falling yet again even though I’d felt sure I hadn’t put any hope in seeing her, I slowed my steps. No sense rushing to unload supplies and having to carry the bulk of them up to the cabin. Ciarra and Nissa, my sisters, would help, as would Ma, but Pa and I would see to most of the work— same as always.

Both girls squealed as Jessie’s pontoons dragged in the water, their giggles and excitement while rushing down the path to the river lifting my lips. I expected they looked forward to the bags of books Jessie always brought from the library’s yearly spring clean out—same as me.

Ma had taught us to read, and I devoured everything dropped off at our place. Thrillers, mysteries, romance…I loved them all. Even though I had no wish to live elsewhere, or even visit for that matter, I sure as hell enjoyed reading about it. Living vicariously through an author’s imagination.

Jessie hopped out of the cockpit, tied up to the log ramp Pa and I had replaced a week earlier, and she hugged both my sisters, their words lost in the breeze blowing in my face.

Ma and Pa approached at a slower pace, holding hands as usual when making their way down the pebbled path, but Jessie’s smile my way took the sting of longing for a similar relationship away. I felt my own grin grow.

A visitor, even if only for a short time, brought much needed excitement to the wilderness.

Jessie eyed my beard I’d let grow out over the winter, her smirk and the light in her eyes letting me know she approved of how I’d let myself go. “Looking good, kid!” she called my way.

I set aside my pole and accepted the hug she offered, her scent sweet as vanilla.

Pa and Ma came up behind me, and more hugs, more words of welcome took a few minutes like it always did.

“No Brock or Annie,” Ma mentioned—for my benefit in hoping for word of her, I expected.

“Brock had emergency surgery two days ago.”

“What happened?” Pa asked before I could question Jessie.

“Appendix.”

“He okay?” I asked.

“He’s fine.” Jessie nodded toward the plane with her head, her way of telling us it was time to unload so she could get back to him. “Annie’s down at the homestead.”

My feet stayed planted, heart stuttered out, and kicked back to life as my family fell into line behind her. “Alone?”

“Yeah.” Jessie pulled open the plane’s side door and climbed inside. “She said she’s needing some peace and quiet to find herself.”

“If any woman besides you and Saige can make it out here alone, it’s Annie.” Pa took the first box while Jessie beamed over his words of praise.

“She’s a strong one,” Jessie agreed, turning to take up another box and hand them off to my waiting sisters and Ma. They exchanged a few words, but my brain buzzed.

Annie.

A two days’ walk away.

Alone.

Vulnerable—no, scratch that. The woman was anything but vulnerable. Even at a day shy of sixteen, last I’d seen her, she’d been a feisty one. The kind that would face a grizzly like her dad had done and live to tell about it.

Pa and the women headed up the pebbled path, and I reached for the box Jessie held out to me.

“Do me a favor, Roan?” she asked, still grasping the box so I couldn’t turn away.

“Whatever you need.” I meant the words, too.

“Would you check on her in a couple weeks? Make sure she’s doing okay? She’s a strong woman, but she’s also stubborn as hell.”

“She’ll stay down there no matter what she encounters,” I added, knowing exactly what Jessie had meant.

She smiled and released the box with a wink. “Seems you know my daughter.”

I did. We’d been damn near inseparable throughout our teenage years.

“She’d like to see you,” Jessie stated quietly, keeping my feet firmly planted in place with her steady gaze.

“I doubt that,” I muttered, reminded yet again of that phone conversation between her and Ma that had damn near broken me.

“I caught her looking upriver more than once while we unpacked her things.”

I wasn’t one to keep from sharing the truth—except for the time I’d turned into an animal. But maybe it was time for honesty. Maybe voicing my embarrassment, my unrelenting guilt would make things better.

“I was chasing her that night,” I admitted after a quick glance up the path to make sure my family wasn’t close by. “I stole her sweet sixteen from her, lost my head, and became nothing more than a drooling dog.”

“She told me.”

I jerked my focus back toward Jessie to find a small smile still on her lips. “She did?”

“Girls like to gossip.”

“I feel like s**t for what I did—sorry for cursing, ma’am,” I muttered.

“And I feel like a shitty mom for not being able to get through her thick skull that you hadn’t meant to cause her any harm.”

My lips twitched. Annie sure got her sassiness from her mom. “I stood there and stared. Couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Nothing but a damn chickenshit.”

“It’s called shock,” Jessie stated firmly, “and it’s not unusual, nor is it ever too late to ask for forgiveness—in person.”

Pa started back down the path.

“I’ll never be good enough for Annie, even if she does find it in her heart to forgive me.” I kept my voice low. “She’s a goshawk and I’m a chickadee. She could rule the skies if she wanted—and she needs and deserves a better man by her side through life.”

“Roan.”

“Yes, ma’am?” I tore my focus off the box of canned peaches I’d taken to staring at, not sure if it was the thought of sweet fruit or Annie that set my mouth to drooling.

She smiled at me. “What she needs is a man who is going to support her. Her dreams. Her wants in life.”

I nodded even though I didn’t understand why she told me what Annie needed. I couldn’t support myself, my own dreams, let alone someone else’s.

“Yes, ma’am, she does.” Turning away, my heart fell a little bit more. So much for making things better by spilling my guts.

I’d heard Annie didn’t want an apology, and knowing her sassy a*s, that meant she never wanted to lay eyes on me again, but I’d made a promise to her Ma. If nothing else, I was a man of my word.

I would stop by to check in on Jessie’s daughter.

My c**k twitched at the thought of filling my eyes with Annie again, but I grit my teeth and strode up toward the cabin, reminding myself there was no point in hoping I’d get even a portion of what I wanted from her—not even forgiveness.

Given that littlest bit, I felt maybe I could find some sort of contentment in my life.

But I doubted she’d let go of her stubborn self, no matter how much I begged.