Beautiful Trauma

4

Caitlin's POV

Dragging the lazy feet of mine, I groggily made my way out of the room, my eyes still closed and if it wasn't because I was very much familiar with the interior of the house, I would probably end up bumping into few pieces of furniture every now and then.

Whoever sees me right now, they'd probably think that I am sleepwalking.

I can't even remember how many times either Justin or Joon had cussed me altogether for scaring the s**t out of them.

Both Joon and Justin are almost brothers to me so I am very much comfortable roaming around the house with a large shirt, a few of what my brother had left, hanging loosely to my body but of course, with short shorts underneath. My hair would normally be tied in a loose bun but most often, I just let it fall freely, dishevelled and unruly like how my life is at the moment.

A yawn escaped my lips as I slowly made my way to the bean bag in the middle of the living room, plopping myself comfortably on the large fabric bag. Everyone in the house knows not to use it since I sleepwalk like this. After a few minutes, my body was once again curled into a fetal position and I didn't mind when I heard the sound of someone chuckling.

"And the zombie is alive!" Justin cheered and I groan in annoyance, his loud voice making my head hurt a little.

"Shut it Jus. I have a headache you moron," I growled and I heard him chuckle from where he was seated.

"What time did you came home last night, Caitlin?" I heard Joon's voice and I didn't bother opening my eyes.

"Ten? I don't know..." I whispered. To be honest, the events of me going home is still blurry in my memory. I was too sleepy to even remember. I just know that the guard had woken me up from my uninvited slumber telling me a taxi was already waiting for me in front of the lobby.

"You look like a mess woman. You'll scare the new tenant at this point," Justin teased and I just flipped him off, Oki's laughter soon booming on the room along with the others. And it doesn't surprise me anymore. These friends are like joint in the hips. The only thing they'd probably never do together is sharing the same girl. Besides, Oki practically lives in the house as he normally camps on Justin and Joon's room.

"Go away you three. Find someone to date or something. I'm getting tired of your ugly ass faces, why do you guys even stay here?" I mumble incoherent words and I just heard them laughing once again.

"Adorable," Joon mumbled and I felt a soft fabric covering my body.

"Thanks, love you!" I yawn after muttering a quick thanks to whoever covered me with what seemed to be a blanket.

"And I'm not ugly Caitlin. But I can't say the same to you, you know since you have drool all over your face. Has Seth already saw you looking like that?" Even with my eyes closed, I knew it was my cousin. he must be having a field day. I'll make sure to inspect his phone later because the jackass sometimes takes photos of me looking like a potato and asks favours of setting him up on a date in return.

"f**k off Oki. Don't even start mentioning that prick's name, especially now that I'm still sleepy," the image of ugly Ciara coming on my mind, "f*****g b***h had me stayed all night to finish two goddamn reports," I groaned, snuggling closer to my bean bag. My arms covering my face to prevent the rays of artificial light from slightly blinding my already closed eyes.

"Why are you even putting up with her attitude then?" Justin asked and I just shrugged.

"Well, I'll have to work even harder because she may end up as the prick's girlfriend after all," I snickered, remembering how that f**k up man did me like that.

I bite my lower lip and surprisingly, all three seemed to have turned quiet. They all knew my situation and it's something the three doesn't joke about. They know I am sensitive about it.

"You know Seth can't, right?" Oki's voice seemed unsure and I covered my face with a blanket. My eyes were close but I feel like I would cry any minute.

Seth...

He'd been back for a week now and all he did was flirt with Ciara.

Was I jealous?

I guess.

But that's something I have to work on my own.

Seth doesn't see me like how I see him and that has been established for years already.

At that, I refused to answer Oki's question, emotion starting to build up inside. My lips were quivering and I felt like the little energy I had in me vanished, making me more like a lifeless human being sprawled in a cold bean bag.

It's been f*****g long but this heart, it won't seem to come still if it's about him, how he can easily affect my emotion, I don't even know.

My throat started hurting as I try my best not to cry. I don't want to ruin my already bad day.

"i***t," I mumbled to myself, my voice cracking a little. Trying my best not to cry made my throat hurt even more.

I have been living with then for years, they are now used to seeing me like this and even at my worse.

Justin once threw a huge pillow straight on my face the day after I puked on his shoes. I was dead drunk at that time and it was all because of my brother. He came home and we ended up fighting. It was still the same old story, the same problem he had to always remember when we can no longer do anything about it.

It's done. What more do we have to talk about?

We can no longer change it and it's years overdue. We just have to accept the fact that there are things that we can't control.

I know he's just bitter about it but am I not? In all honesty, I was the most affected, not him, not my mom nor my younger brother.

It's all me.

But here I am, trying my best to get past everything and live a normal life.

Because I can't do a goddamn thing. I am stuck.

It's just a matter of stepping back a little so we won't clash but I was getting emotional. I was tired from work and I missed him but he just has to pull that f*****g trigger.

And then I snapped. I went out of the house and me being the usual house buddy, I ended up getting drunk. Thank God I was even able to go home. Too bad though, I ended up vomiting on Justin's favourite shoes.

"Caitlin..." Joon called for my name, worry can be heard on his voice but I did not respond.

Instead, I buried my body even deeper, sending a signal that I no longer want to talk.

If I can, I still wanted to get a little more sleep. The amount of work I had to finish last night was too much, I was continuously cursing Ciara in my head. The moment the clock hit six and I wasn't even at half of what I was supposed to do, I knew I might have to pull another all-nighter.

And then I remembered the coat covering my body from last night.

Was it Oki's?

My mind wondered on the clearest memory I had of last night in an attempt to remember how I took hold of the said fabric.

"Are you sure you're okay with staying here?" I heard Yuri, her voice full of concern. Slowly, I lifted my glance from my pile of paper works until my eyes locked with hers.

Out of all the people here in our department, Yuri would probably count as the most human. She was fairly new working here for only three months but she already knew how everything works and naturally, one of them is by not getting on Ciara's bad side which meant staying away from me.

Though she doesn't really want to follow Ciara, she doesn't have a choice, does she?

Yuri is the kindest. She makes sure to check up on me from time to time which I appreciate but I would always ask her not to mind me. I don't want her to get in trouble because of me. This is her first job.

I'm a grown woman but I feel like I am being bullied and it's for a funny reason, for being able to do my work well.

"I'm fine Yuri. I'll just finish this and I'll be off soon," I smiled at her and I was sure she was a little hesitant to go but due to my insisting, she gave in and left.

Once she was gone, I continued doing the paperwork Ciara had given me. It's Friday and I need to leave everything on her table tonight if she ever feels like checking it tomorrow. That's how evil she is to the point of checking if the task was done even on Saturday just so she can find fault at my work.

Not minding what time it was, I did everything to finish my work and when I did, I wanted to scream in joy.

A long sigh escaped my lips. Just remembering Ciara's face makes my body weaken. It's very tiring.

My eyes started to get droopy, my vision blurring a little.

It wouldn't hurt to close my eyes in a bit, right?

Due to exhaustion and my undying frustration over my boss, I cleaned my table before resting my palms on the table, my right cheek followed.

With the new position, I felt my back relaxing a little. My body had been too stiff for God knows long, I at least deserve a break.

I didn't know how long I had been sleeping but after a while, I felt someone shaking my shoulder. Startled, my eyes widened at the sight of our company guard.

"Oh," I exclaimed, covering my mouth a little. My cheeks blushed for a moment, afraid that I may be drooling in my sleep.

The guard smiled at me and I straightened my back as I sit properly, pulling myself together. I was startled when I felt the coat falling off my shoulder.

Huh?

"Miss Richards, I'm sorry to wake you up but I think it would be better for you to go home. You're always working so hard," he stated and I can't help but smile at him.

Because of the number of instances that I stay at the office so late, almost every guard for the night shift already knows me. Another reason why the boys knew I did numerous over staying at the office since Justin monitors everything being the head of the security.

Because of the guard's initiative of calling a cab for me, I was already home in about ten minutes.

The office is just a few corners from my house and I'm glad because it saves me enough time of waking up too early when I have to go to work.

A long sigh escaped my lips.

"Am I that much of a pushover?" I asked, my voice cracking a little.

It's not a question for the boys but more of a question to myself. My eyes getting teary once again.

"People walk over me at the office like I'm nothing. What did I ever do wrong?" my voice came out as a whisper but I know everyone heard me crystal clear.

I seldom become emotional especially in front of the boys but if I do, I try my best not to break down. At least I still want to keep it to myself.

"Cait, don't think it like that. You're not a pushover. It's just that you're too understanding and kind to say no to others, and now it's breaking you,' Joon stated and a soft whimper escaped through me.

And then I was silent. All of us were silent.

They knew better not to trigger me even more.

"Jus, can I have some ice cream?" my voice came out in muffle due to the blanket covering my face, the right side of where my face was leaning a little wet from the tears I didn't even know had already spilt.

"Of course hunn. I'll make sure to drop by a convenience store later," he responded and that made me smile.

The boys had always spoiled me like that.

"Do you want to sleep more? Like me to carry you back to your room?" Oki's soft and gentle voice soothed my ears and I hummed in agreement.

I didn't bother removing the blanket on my body and it covers my face. I don't want them to see how miserable I looked.

I hear a few murmurs, someone seemed to be arguing but I didn't pay any attention. In a few minutes, I felt my body getting lifted by a pair of strong muscular arms.

The touch seemed unfamiliar and I had to scoot closer to his chest.

"Oki, did you change your perfume?" I asked confused.

His smell seemed lighter, manly but it's soothing and addicting. For some reason, it brought serenity to my wild system.

"I like it," I added and I heard him hummed.

The sound of the door screeching caught my ears and the next thing I knew, my body already landed on my soft bed.

With thoughts of thanking my cousin, I swiftly removed the blanket covering my face. I no longer care if he sees my ugly face.

But my mouth hangs wide open the moment my eyes caught a familiar face gawking at me. His body leaning on my right side as he was trying to fix the pillow on my bed. His hooded eyes greeted before me and my heart skipped a beat.

"Seth..." I whispered.

My heart started hammering inside my chest and I know my cheeks was boiling hot.

Holy s**t.

"Why didn't you tell me Caitlin?" he whispered, his face close to mine, I almost forgot how to breathe.

"I..--" I stuttered, my mind blank, unable to comprehend what he was trying to say.

A long sigh escaped his lips, his next gesture catching me off-guard.

He gave a quick peck on my forehead before pulling the blanket, covering my entire upper body.

"Sleep for now Cait We'll talk about it later, " he whispered before he started brushing the locks of hair falling down my face.

Is he real or was I hallucinating?

I guess it was because I was still so sleepy, my eyes closed slowly but before it closed fully, I saw the faint smile tucked at the corner of his lips.

And just like that, I fell asleep, wishing so bad he wasn't an illusion or a dream.