we meet again.

Summer of 2009:  "A story of 17 years of friendship, broken up by a single stupid mistake." He sighed as he sank deeper into the red velvet couch. He scratched his head and took another look at the 50 years old something woman sitting crossed-legged, judging, in front of me. "I don't know what you want me to say."  "I want you to tell me exactly how do you feel about it?" She spoke softly as she adjusted her glasses and scribbled down again on her notebook. Xiaojun wanted to sneak a peek into what she had been writing, but he fought the urge and bit down his lower lip. She kept looking at him, waiting for an answer as he tried to find the correct words to say. "Xiaojun, you don't have to overthink about it. Just say the first thing that comes to mind."   That was a foreign concept to Xiaojun when he thought about it, not overthinking every word he said. He swallowed and felt like a lump was in his throat, preventing him from speaking any word about Hendery. He wanted to talk about him because he kept thinking that one summer before his best friend moved away. And, soon enough, Xiaojun will start his senior year of high school without the one constant thing in his life. He didn't like changes; in fact, he was afraid of them. And Hendery not being here was the most significant change.  "You seem too deep in your thoughts..." The woman interrupted his thoughts again. He could tell she was getting impatient with him. It's been like this for one month now. He comes in. She expects him to talk. He doesn't. She gets impatient. She starts asking weird-ass questions about his s*x life and whether he was taking any drugs. Xiaojun sometimes wonders how did she even manage to get her therapy license. Well, she's a friend of his parents, so in some kind of way, he didn't think she'd be very competent. That's why he never really tried in those sessions.  "Are we done?" Xiaojun sighed, getting ready to leave after he looked at the vintage wall clock that hung at the back of the room, signaling 3PM. The only reason he was even coming to that session was that he promised his parents. After, Hendery and his family moved out of town. Xiaojun lost his only friend. So he was spending a lot of time pent up in his darkroom with his comics, his 80's music, and his Albert Camus books. Which sent sirens and red alerts in his parents' minds.  It's been exactly three months since Hendery left. No texts, no phone calls, no emails, and f*****g letters. Xiaojun kept thinking that maybe he had found some new friends in New York and forgot about his Texan ones. Perhaps he likes the cold weather now and decided that sunny old Texas wasn't for him anymore. That made him more than sad; it killed something inside of him that he didn't want to admit existed.  "Your mom thinks, Hendery was more than just a friend to you." His therapist suddenly spitted out when he started getting up to leave. For the first time in a long time, she looked him straight in the eye as he sighed and rolled his eyes. "If this is a touchy subject for you, we can talk about it more in-depth another time. But I need you to know if we can solve anything through those sessions. We need to talk about this."  Xiaojun sat back down again on the couch, and despite its smell and texture, he was starting to find comfortable. And without thinking or previous planning, he spoke. "He was my best friend. We grew up together..."  "Yes, your family knows that..." She adjusted her glasses again, which Xiaojun noticed was a sign that she was uncomfortable or wanted to get the subject over with. "But only you can tell me what happened before her left. You always hinted at it, yet you never brought yourself to tell me the whole story. Tell me, Xiao Dejun. I know you want to talk about it."  "It was stupid..." He looked down on the ground, and he could feel tears swell up in his eyes. "I started liking him back when we were in 9th grade.." He spoke nervously, and a smile with a sigh of relief was released by his therapist. He smiled at her back and continued. "I...really...u-used to think I was just being possessive over my friend. My best friend. But it felt weird whenever he was with a girl or when Maddie from across the street asked him to the Homecoming dance, and he enthusiastically accepted. I thought... I was angry that he didn't want to go with me anymore like we agreed. But when he got a date, I did as well. All I kept thinking about was him and Maddie on the dance floor, and gosh... how I wished I was her."  He stopped talking to catch a breath, and for the first time since he started his sessions. He reached for the tissues sitting on a small coffee table on his right. "Did you tell him?" Her voice interrupted his crying session as he shook his head furiously.  "What? No! Are you crazy?" He said in an almost scared voice. Like, he always played every possible outcome of that happening in his mind, and none of them were in his favor. "I...I just ignored it." "You ignored your feelings for him for..." She stopped to count for how many years until he interrupted her.  "Almost five years." He answered confidently. "I think even after all that happened, he still doesn't know I love him." He said, holding his face between his head.  "Love?" She gapped.  "I think so; I mean, what is love? How am I supposed to know?" He sank again on the couch, trying to hold on to every memory he had of Hendery. "But it definitely wasn't a crush or an infatuation, so don't try to tell me it was that." He warned as he glared at her.  "Xiaojun, us as humans, we are very complex beings. And in my opinion, I truly think it is oneself that knows itself best. I can never tell you what you're feeling. Only you can do that." She spoke as he felt reassured by her words. "So if you say it was love, then I believe you."  A little quiet moment passed by as he kept looking up at the ceiling after he spread his whole body on the couch. He was really getting comfortable.    Present-day:  New York City never seemed this gloomy to Xiaojun before. He guessed it was because Christmas was just around the corner, and for him, that was just another reminder of how alone he was. He was busy with his career, and in addition to that, he wasn't out to anyone except his roommate Amy. In fact, many people thought he was dating her. His parents' liked to believe that if he wasn't gay, he would totally be in love with her. And despite how hard he tried in college, his gayness wasn't going away anytime soon. His cellphone vibrating in his back pocket distracted him from the never-ending train of thoughts in his mind. He picked it up immediately as he saw his boss's name splattered on the screen. "Hey, what's up, Kun?" He said as he was crossing the street.  "What are you doing tonight?" His boss demanded. He shrugged, knowing damn well where this was going. Kun was almost 40 years old, yet he was as stubborn as a 10 years old kid. "You're still at the firm, aren't you?" "No, I just left." Xiaojun shook his head as he pulled his car keys from his coat. "But, I have to apologize to Ten. Tell him I can't make it tonight." He got into his car and settled down as he heard some faint sounds from Kun's side.  "What do you mean you can't make it? Do you know how important this is for Ten?" Kun almost screamed; it felt like he was around people, so he was holding back. Ever since he told him about this art gallery thing that Ten had, he wasn't really in the mood for socializing no matter how much he enjoyed art and champagne.  "No, I understand how important this is for Ten. But, I just got off work, and I can't let Amy spend her night alone again." Xiaojun tried to use Amy as an excuse for the 100th time this week.   "Shut your lying ass up and get here!" Kun yelled now, which has left echoes inside the car, as Xiaojun turned on his engine. "Amy is already here, and if you're not here. Ten will have me sleep on the couch tonight, which means you'll be on office duty for the whole week."  "Come on, you can't do that!" Xiaojun groaned in his seat and stopped the car before leaving the garage. He needed to negotiate with Kun to see if he was heading to the gallery or his sweet, warm, and cozy apartment.  "Get your ass here in 10 minutes, or god help me, Xiaojun." Kun hung up, and with that, Xiaojun had no choice but to head to the gallery even though he smelled like s**t, hadn't showered in two days, and his hair was so greasy and smelly. What? He was working on a case, and when he starts something, he won't rest until he finishes it. Thank god for his secretary. Otherwise, he would've probably starved to death without even knowing.  It took him a couple of minutes to get to the gallery and even a couple more to get out of his car and walk inside. He didn't like social gatherings when he was dressed up and looking good, but now that he hasn't showered in days and had the suit he wore on Monday. He wasn't so confident.  He took a swing from his whiskey bottle that he always kept in his glove compartment and headed out. Xiaojun was no stranger to the gallery; he really enjoyed what Ten was doing. He had some fascinating and sometimes dark paintings, which fit his type. As soon as he walked in, he was offered a glass of champagne that he couldn't refuse.  If there's one thing that would get him through the night, it was alcohol and maybe some staring into the void. But he didn't know how possible that would be with Amy and Kun breathing down his neck.  "I thought you'd never show up." He smiled as he heard her voice and turned towards the source. She was leaning against the wall looking sharper than ever in her pencil skirt and white buttons-up. "You look terrible." He walked towards her, "Thanks, Ames, that's exactly what I needed to hear right now." He gave her a kiss on her cheek as she smiled. Amy has been his roommate since his first year in college. They haven't separated ever since they met during orientation day in Colombia.  "Listen, it's not that bad, really." She nudged him and then put her drink down and tried to fix his crooked tied and wrinkled dress shirt. He didn't know why she was trying to fix it; his coat hid it well. "I was talking about the gallery, of course, but you, my friend. You need a f*****g shower! When was the last time you got home? I haven't seen you in two days."  Xiaojun sighed and rubbed his forehead and then gulped his drink, snapping his fingers for another one. "Remember the Reyes case?" He asked, and then she nodded immediately. Amy was a paralegal at his firm, so he always told her about every case he got. She was really smarter than him. She saw things; he didn't. He didn't understand how she couldn't pass the LSAT until now. "We checked the daughter's alibi. It doesn't check out, so I've hired a PI, and I should be getting an email anytime now." He said, pulling his phone to check for any new notifications.  "Classic Xiaojun never stops working." A hand engulfed him from behind, making him almost spill his drink. He recognized the voice, so as he turned around. He hugged his friend, who he hadn't seen in a while. "Can you drop it for like two hours and enjoy yourself?"  "Ten, you know I can't because A, your husband is my boss, and B, I would've probably enjoyed myself more if I was in my office right now," Xiaojun explained himself as he tried to look at his phone again. But Ten grabbed it from him and hid it in his back pocket. "Really now?"  "Yes, really, I think Amy would agree that your life is... what do they call it?" Ten took a while to think and then popped. "Miserable, and therefore I'm calling an intervention. For tonight, you can't look at your phone, you can't talk to my husband, and you're forbidden to talk about your job." Xiaojun looked over Amy to plea for help, but it looked like she was already on this. He kept looking between his two friends until he realized he was too tired to fight. So, he grabbed another glass of champagne and headed to look at the paintings. "My life isn't miserable. My life is good. I f*****g love my life." He looked at Ten one more time and then walked away.  Xiaojun was standing in front of a long dark hallway, debating whether to walk in or not. He could probably go in and hide from Ten and Amy's preying eyes. But, he was also too tired to walk. So he just stood there sipping on champagne, wondering what kind of painting could be inside.  "Gaze into the abyss; the abyss gazes also into you." Suddenly a voice spoke, and he didn't know its source or recognize it until he turned around. "Are you planning to go in any time soon?"  Xiaojun looked at the buffed guys with face piercings and tattoos. He didn't look like the usual people who went to art galleries. But as he starred longer at his face, he felt like he knew him. He just couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it was the beard that hid half his face. "I'm not blocking the way; if you want to go in, you can go ahead," Xiaojun said, annoyed, and turned back again to stare at the hallway. He knew him, but from when, from where.  The guy took a couple of steps and stood right next to him, so they were shoulder to shoulder. Xiaojun looked at him skeptically, and he honestly felt a little bit creeped out. "Sorry, do you need anything?"  "Oh, come on, junnie. Don't you remember me?" The guy smirked at him as the nicknames echoed through Xiaojun's mind. Only one person calls him that; only one person called him that. No, it can't be him. Xiaojun kept starring, trying to make sense of it. He looked bigger and larger. How did he get like this? He was so skinny and pale and...not this hot. His face, his tattoos, and his piercing. When did all of this happen?  Xiaojun composed himself, swallowed what felt like a lump in his throat, and asked. "H-Hendery?"  The guy in front of him laughed; gosh, how long has it been since he heard him laugh. 12 years, goddammit.  "How are you junnie?" Hendery asked as Xiaojun still seemed confused and in shock.  Xiaojun didn't know what to think; the only person he ever truly loved in his life was standing in front of him. And he doesn't look anything like his teenage dream. He seems better even. But he didn't know what to say to him.  "I-I thought you moved back to Texas." Xiaojun managed to breathe out again. After what felt like an eternity. He remembered a few years ago when his mom mentioned on the phone that the Wongs moved back to their hometown with their son. Because his dad was very sick.  "So you've been keeping tabs on me; that's cute." Hendery smiled which shot arrows through Xiaojun's heart. "Nah, it was just a summer thing for me. My parents are still in Texas, but I have my shop here, so I couldn't leave." "Shop?" He asked curiously.  "Oh yeah, I think it's obvious, isn't it?" Hendery sat on the nearby couch, gripping two champagne drinks and handing one to Xiaojun, so he joined him. "I own a tattoo parlor in downtown manhattan."  Xiaojun breathed out a wow, and gulped on his drink. "That's the last thing I imagined you would do." "What did you imagine me doing then?" Hendery smirked, obviously teasing him. Xiaojun decided to get a hold of himself; "looking like s**t and not being confident enough to talk to a guy" wasn't a cute look on him. So, he loosed his tie, and he could feel the alcohol kick in at this point.  "You were a good basketball player, weren't you?" He smiled at the memory of them playing basketball every day after school in his family's backyard.  "Babe, I wasn't good. I was just better than you, and you really sucked." Hendery explained, laughing while Xiaojun was hung up on the word 'babe.' "What about you? What do you do?"  "I'm a lawyer at Qian & Co," Xiaojun spoke and then glanced at the room to see Amy and Ten cheering him on, so he decided to ignore them. "It's actually in downtown manhattan as well."  "Yeah yeah, I think I heard about it." Hendery nodded, and then a little silence fell as they both kept starring at each other. No wonder, Xiaojun didn't recognize him. The beard covered half his face, and he had tattoos on both sides of his face.  Suddenly, Ten came running towards them with appetizers. "Oh my god, I'm so glad my favorite two Manhattan bachelors met already." Xiaojun and Hendery both looked confused at him. "Okay, Xiaojun, Hendery is my tattoo artist. He is literally so talented I would die before letting anyone else tattoo me beside him. And Hendery, Xiaojun, is my husband's junior partner. So, if you got into a little bit of trouble with your landlord again, you know who to call."  Something, Xiaojun has noticed about Ten is that he is very calculated. He never does anything without purpose. So he raised his eyebrow at him and spoke up. "Thanks for the very long introduction, Ten, but we already know each other."  "Know each other? I'm very hurt, junnie." Hendery exclaimed as Ten looked more confused than ever. "We were best friends since we were diapers."  "Oh my god, Hendery." Ten yelped, "You knew Xiaojun from his Texas days? You gotta tell me, was he a little cowboy? Did he have his accent?" He sat down, grabbing a glass and joining their conversation. "He refuses to show us any high school picture."   Xiaojun sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Everybody from Texas had an accent; even this one had a thick, strong one." He pointed at the guy sitting beside him.  "Yours was very sexy, unlike mine," Hendery commented as Xiaojun blushed and then turned to Ten. "He was nothing like a cowboy; in fact, he was very nerdy and didn't like to do anything the other kids were doing. I guess that's why we were best friends, right, junnie?" "Aw, that's so sweet." Ten gawked as he was suddenly joined by his husband. "Babe, did you know that Hendery and Xiaojun were best friends in high school? And now they have reunited thanks to my cupid." Obviously, Ten was getting tipsy, so his husband looked at the two guys and excused them. But before he left, he looked at Xiaojun and spoke.  "That's your boss?" Hendery breathed, and Xiaojun nodded. "How you get any job done is beyond me." He was obviously checking him so, Xiaojun stared at him, confused.  "A-are you..." Xiaojun opened his mouth to ask, but nothing came out, so he stopped, and Hendery just smiled.  "Am I gay?" He asked, and Xiaojun just simply nodded. "Well, yes, if you want to put a label on it. But I bet you already knew that."  "How the f**k would I? I haven't seen you in 12 years," Xiaojun added with a sort of anger.  "Babe, don't tell me you also forgot how I spent my last night in Texas." Hendery teased and then got close to Xiaojun and whispered in his ear. "You were my first."