Confessions of a Modern U’Makoti(BWWM)

Confession #14

Confession #14

Upon my arrival back home. The air was filled angst and gaiety.

Within the first few days of the week my social calendar had filled up considerably. Thando celebrated her birthday, claiming that no individual invited to the occasion was actually allowed to reveal her age. But we got as drunk as a middle aged women going through a divorce. And danced with semi-naked male strippers until the sun reared its bright UV radiating head in.

The hangover I’d suffered from the next day didn’t stop me though. Nope, the next day Nadia and Dimpho had invited me out to dinner. We steered clear of any bars in Braamfontien with long haired owners. And ate our (mainly my, they’re getting engaged) sorrows away in a tiny Thai restaurant on the outskirts of the city.

And while still debating how to get Aaron into my plan, Dimpho and I went ring shopping. We’d been in our fourth store of the day before I decided to tell Dimpho about the devlish plan. Her attention shifted between me and the rings on display in front of us. The jeweller was a plump dark skinned woman with great people skills, she managed to talk me into getting a tennis bracelet which Dimpho reminded me I didn’t need.

“So here we have a range of platinum bands within your price range. Please do call if you need any further assistance.” The women – Mbali – smiled as she placed the velvet tray of rings in front of us.

Dimpho scanned each ring attentively as though determining the sperm donor to an unborn foetus. Her hands floated above the rings, changing in each direction with uncertainty.

“So do you have a plan after you get the ring?” I asked as my eyes focused on one ring in particular. And onyx 18 caret diamond surrounded by a halo of white diamonds all on a sliver band. My eyes still remained trained on the ring as Dimpho finally reached for a band.

“This is the one.” She awed as she held the ring in her hand. An aqua gem shone in the light against the platinum band, the medium sized stone was surrounded by a ring of white diamonds.

“Well I guess we both found our rings.” I motioned for Mbali, who smiled broadly as she approached us, Dimpho gave me a double take. Her eyebrows furrowed as she studied me.

“You need a ring?”

“For the plan, Dimpz.” I sighed still keeping my eyes on the dim stone.

“You’re not using money from your fund are you?” She asked inconspicuously as though someone we know might hear about the hidden account.

“I don’t really have a choice but to use money from the fund.” I placed the ring on my finger, marvelling at the weight.

“But what happened to the dream? Thati moving to some sleepy town during retirement and writing until she dies of natural causes? You can’t abandon the dream!” The revelation seemed to shock her more than the idea of getting Aaron involved in this entire ordeal. She wasn’t even this shocked about Lesego. But me spending this money seemed to be the end of the South African Dream for her.

“Well Thati’s got a new dream and that’s getting disowned by her father. Now can we pay for these beauties or what?” With that she asked more questions, but I reminded her that she still had to pull off the prefect proposal and that shut her up until we left the store.

She’d wished me luck on pursuing Aaron. She’d described him as ‘disconnected’ since the break-up. Wait he wanted this, he has no right to be ‘disconnected’! But I pushed those thoughts aside. For the past few days I’d purposefully driven passed his townhouse, bar and gallery. I’d occasionally see his silhouette against the thin curtains or through the clear glass windows. But I’d never really had the courage to go in.

But today was the day. I’d given myself a deadline and tonight was the eleventh hour. The was no running, unless I was running into a glass of golden tequila but soon after that I have to face the man who’d managed to worm his way into my mind every second of every day. Just the other day I found myself surfing through the selfies we’d taken on our way to his parents. But that isn’t what today is about. That relationship ship has sailed and sunk with less causalities than the Titanic.

So there I was. In Koppie Tribe weaving my way through the alcoholic crowd, in hopes of finding either Chloe or Aaron. But I didn’t. I did however find Ricky. Ricky was a burly man with a hard jaw and his nappy hair cut into a buzzcut. He looked like a bouncer but was really one of the sweetest men who at the same time looked a bit too intimidating.

“Hey Thati.” He addressed me awkwardly, everyone had been doing that lately since they found out about my new relationship status. It was getting annoying.

“Ricky!” We attempted a hug but it ended up like one of those awkward one armed embraces. “Is Aaron around?” I asked hopeful.

His face fell a bit but he still remained composed with a small smile. He shook his head. I was just about to bid a farewell to the man when he reached for my shoulder, grabbing my attention.

“He hasn’t been doing very well. “ He paused. He wasn’t doing well? I’m getting forced into marriage, he’s doing fine. “He’ll probably be at home, since he dropped by earlier and closed the gallery early today.” He gave a tight lipped smile.

I nodded my head, but he went on. “Thati, I know it’s none of my business. But he’s a good guy and he’s really taking the break up hard.”

His sentiments made we worried. But I stilled smiled and we exchanged our goodbyes. By the time I reached Aaron’s townhouse I couldn’t help but s**t bricks. I felt like a grade two who had just been caught swearing by their teacher and was still awaiting punishment. It wasn’t the same fear I had when I was around Lesego though, it was a fear of rejection. If Aaron refused the proposition I’d be the ‘disconnected’ one.

I heard screaming as I approached the door. Hesitantly I knocked on the door. Scanning my outfit before the door swung open. And there was Chloe. She had a look of amazement on her face which soon turned into a full blown smile. She wrapped me up into a tight embrace before I could do so much as blink. She pulled away.

“I’m sorry. It’s just so good to see you. He’ll be happy to see you.” She reassured before sliding out the door practically pushing me into the house. Why do I feel like she just trapped us in here? I’d only begun to agree with that thought once I heard a car pull out the drive way.

I shook the thoughts of making the very same escape out of my mind. I’d begun practising my breathing when Aaron walked into the living room a few metres away from me. His hair was dirty and his shirt covered in paint. His sweatpants were bleached and the bags under his eyes was downgrading him from a ten to an eight.

“Hi.” My words shook with nervousness.

He stayed silent for a moment. He looked confused as though he thought this was all some illusion but I took a small step forward. I cleared my throat this time.

“We need to talk.” Words still sounded shaky but a lot less breathless.

“Uhm?” He ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah.” His glazed eyes scanned over me. “The sofa good for you?”

I nodded, before walking towards the sofa. He still marvelled at me. But he reeked of beer and the look of awe mixed with sadness on his face wasn’t going away. My worry had only heightened. His living room was scattered with empty potato chip packets and beer cans. The smell made my nose crinkle but I needed to fulfil my mission more than I needed oxygen.

“Aaron, I’m worried about you,” I stated cautiously.

He shifted in his seat a bit, exhaling lightly, his eyes were dulled. “Save it, okay? I’ve heard this speech. Now, how’s married life?” The bitterness in his words was like venom to me.

“Fine, we won’t play pity party. But I need your help.”

He chuckled bitterly. I bit my lip. Maybe this was a bad idea. “Princess needs my help? How may I serve you, your majesty?” He faked a drunken Cockney accent.

“Can you just be serious for two Goddamn seconds! I get it, you’re hurt but you broke up with me. I didn’t quit on our relationship. You did. Sure I had baggage and a hell of a lot of s**t that I didn’t tell you but for just a millisecond can you give me something to work with other than this stupid-ass broken hearted ex-boyfriend bullshit!” My outburst seemed to sober him up in record time, he leaned back into the sofa, giving me his undivided attention.

I cleared my throat as he motioned for me to elaborate. “I’m scared.” I admitted.

His eyebrows furrowed. “Scared of what?”

“Lesego,” We stayed in an ear-piercing silence. “I have no idea what he plans on doing to me. But he reminds me of someone who my dad set me up with.” I felt my throat constrict. “When I got my degree, my dad set me up with this guy. Tumi, he was an heir to a lucrative gold mine. ‘Big money, mixing platinum and gold together’ my dad used to say. I of course fell in love with the guy, the lifestyle. “ I forced a smile but Aaron still remained static. “Tumi fell in love with cocaine. He loved it more than he love me. He’d have parties, and dealers over at the house our parents got us, and women. So many women. I used to lock myself in the guestroom. He was a real piece of work when he got high-“

“He didn’t hurt you did he?” Aaron’s jaw tightened as he reached for my hand but restricted himself.

“No, he was never fast enough to. Anyway, one day my parents forgot to give us the monthly allowance we’d always get from them- he used it for his parties and drugs. Tumi was fuming. He was going through withdrawal and he was crazy desperate. So he took his gun and dragged me to my father’s office threatening to ‘blow my brains out’. For a minute I thought my dad would let him.” I felt a wet tear run down my cheek. “But he didn’t. He gave Tumi the money and then Tumi went missing for a few months. When he came back he was in a body bag. I was lucky. My parents sent me to the best therapists in the world who supplied me with the best prescription medication in the world. I just don’t know if I’ll be that lucky if Lesego finalises the Lobola.”

“So what do you want me to do?” He brushed his thumb against my cheek.

“Do the negotiations for me. I have the money.”

“How much money are we talking about Thati?” I could see the worry in his eyes as well as the restraint. It made my heart sink.

“2.5 Million.”

He choked on his saliva before giving me a bewildered look. “Thati that’s enough money to buy a farm! How the hell did you get 2.5 million?”

“A bit I worked for since I was fourteen. Some from the stock market and a few property projects I’d worked on. A lot is from Tumi’s life insurance policy.”

He nodded his head before probing another question. “So what exactly do you need me to do?”

“Uhm, just pretended we’re engaged. Do the negotations for me. Make it look like a real engagement before the final traditional ceremony then I tell my dad. I got I ring today and I’ll do all the dirty work, all you have to do is put up a front for me.”

“Engaged? Thati we just broke up. There’s a reason why we broke up. I can’t get mixed up in your craziness.”

“Aaron please.” I begged but he was unmoved by my performance.

“You need to get out.” He ushered me towards the door.

“Aaron please, I’m scared. I just-“

“Thati, I care about you. But I can’t do this. If your dad comes after me or my business again and I loss everything, I’ll be left in the dust while you ride off into the sunset with some silver spoon Shaka Zulu. You need to leave.” He was just about to slam the door in my face when I forced my foot between the door and the threshold. Playing dirty babe.

“I’ll pay you!” I shouted, halting his movements.

“You’ll what?”

“Think of it as insurance. I’ll pay you by the hour. Pay for any you need or want throughout this entire process. Just- Just say yes. You’ll even determine an hourly rate. I have a half of a million in that bank account that can be all yours if you just help me. Aaron, I’m desperate.” I pleaded, I could feel the waterworks flowing down my face, and just to score more sympathy points I dropped to my knees.

“Please.” I begged with watery eyes. He remained silent before crouching down onto the floor next to me. This time he let go of all restraint and cupped my cheeks. The feel of his warm skin against mine had my heart racing.

“Okay Tig-Thati. I’ll do it.” His arms wrapped around me, pulling me into crook of his neck. He rubbed the length of my back, the gesture felt so familiar. It had me crying even more because the one solid relationship I had in my life was just like all the others. Bought with money.

Aaron carried me back onto his couch. He’d listen to ever detail about the plan and offered a few suggestions. We still sat miles apart on the sofa, but his eyes seemed to brighten and that made my heart flutter. He approved of the ring. And soon our discussion was over and I had to go home. He walked me to the car, with a dejected expression engraved onto his features.

“Thati?” he called as I started up the car’s engine.

“Yeah?”

“Just so you know. I never gave up on our relationship. I just had to be realistic.”

“Oh and how’s that working out for you?” I didn’t let him answer, instead I drove away. Still wounded by the reality of our relationship.