yesterday when everything changed

Sam pov With a scream I woke up. Gasping for breath, my heart in my throat. My bed is wet from the cold sweat on my body. Scared I look around, trying to remember what I should do when waking up like this. This isn't the first time I woke up like this and it will not be the last time. There's a lamp right next to my bed, and when I click it on I finally see where I am. Everything is alright. I'm at home, in bed where I should be. The purple and blue walls give me comfort. I painted the walls myself. Mom let me do my whole room myself. Just so I would remember where I am, that I'm safe. I never remember what my dreams are about, but I do know the panic. The feeling I need to run, to get away. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm always scared, always looking over my shoulder. But I do not know why. On nights like this, when I wake up drenched in sweat, it's almost as if I remember. Remember why I am so scared. I get up to take a shower. I know I will feel better when I'm clean again. The water will relax me, help me get back to where I am. Safe and sound at home, in my room. Maybe mom is right and it is time to go to a therapist. To go and find out why I have these attacks. Something must be causing this right? After I feel clean again, I change the sheets of my bed, cause nothing is as gross as wet sweat sheets. A look at the clock on my phone and decide I better get up. I mean it's 5 am and there is no way I'm getting back to sleep. Well as long as I'm up I can do some baking. Mom is sleeping so why not. Like the shower, baking grounds me. It's a normal thing to do. Putting my long black hair in a bun, gives me time to decide what I'm going to bake this time. Finally I decide on some chocolate chip cookies and some blueberry muffins. I don't really need to keep my attention on the baking because I make them often. You should be used to this by now Sam, I tell myself. I've had these attacks since I was 5 or something. I have never found out why I have them. But maybe it's time. Time to find out what is going on. I turned 16 last month and we moved here just after my birthday. Mom moved us again. We move a lot. Mostly because of me. I'm weird. Like easy to bully weird. The attacks at night keep me on my toes. With all the extra time I have because of the attacks, I studie a lot. I need something to keep my mind occupied after. Otherwise I keep panicking. And nobody gets better when panicking. Because I study a lot I get really good grades, but you know what that means. I have always been a nerd. The weird one. The one who doesn't talk and has no friends. The one who is always alone and tired. Not sporty because let's face it, you need energy to be sporty. God I can't remember the last time I had a good night's rest. Today is a new start at a new school, because of the move. A new change to be someone else. To not be bullied. But let's be honest here, it's not going to be different. People are stupid. If you don't look like someone walking out of a magazine, you will not fit in. And I don't look like that. I'm not super thin or extremely long. I'm not blond and I don't do makeup. I'm just over 5 feet, and a little chubby. I have long thick black hair that is cut just above my butt. Mom won't let me cut it any shorter. I have green eyes in a average face. Nobody would call me beautiful if you know what I'm saying. So that's me, the ugly girl, Sam White. Born in the middle of nowhere and still living in the middle of nowhere. For the next little while the middle of nowhere is called Moonshine. Yes I'm serious. I don't know why it's called like that but who ever named this town had a lot of humor. Of didn't give a f**k. "hi sweetie, it smells great in here", mom tells me walking into the kitchen. " muffins are almost ready if you want one mom". "Ah great, did you make enough so I can take some to work with me?" she asks me. "Ofcourse I have, don't I always?" Mom smiles up to me. "You ready for your new school sweetie." I roll my eyes. What's the point, I'll just be bullied again. It will be the same drill as every other school I've been to. "Sure mom. How long are we staying this time?" "Watch your tone young lady". "Sorry mom, I will just get ready for school now. Take as many cookies and muffins as you want. Love you." I hurry to my room. I put one my trust worthy black jeans, a band shirt and an oversized dark purple hoody. I already know that I am not going to fit in so, why would I try. My favorite pair of combat boots finishes this outfit. I packed my backpack last night. To stay in my theme of comfort it is a nice dark blue with purple stars on it. No one has a backpack like this, so it makes it easy for me to find when the bullies try to hide it. On my way out the door I take a muffin to eat on my walk to school. I did say it's a small town didn't I? School is in walking distance. I mean it's like a fifteen minute walk from our house. Thank god the sun is shining already, otherwise it could have been a miserable 15 minutes. Before I know it I arrive at school. Moonshine high. Yeah I know, the name is terrible. What are the learning here? How to get make moonshine and not get drunk on it? I laugh at my own joke. I take a deep breath and walk inside. Let the games begin, I think. Let's see how long it takes before someone decides I'm the one to bully. Looking for my first class, I bump up to someone. Oh great I think, here we go. "I'm sorry", I start saying. This isn't going to be good. So I don't even look up, I just stare at the ground in front of me. "Hey new girl" a voice says to me. "Where are you going?" What? No name calling? "Ehm, English." " Ah great, follow me, I have the same class." Yeah right. I make the mistake of looking up, and seeing the most beautiful ocean blue eyes. They look friendly instead of the irritation I was expecting. " Thank you", I tell the boy. Not wanting to get in trouble the first time someone talks to me. If only I would have known, that this first meeting would change everything.