The story of Kai and Zai

There is one name in your heart, a name that you always believe in every last prostration, a name that you really hope to accompany. To the owner of that name, you love deeply, but you keep it secret. You can only watch it from a distance, without daring to touch it. When he is happy, you feel it too, even though you are not the reason. When he was hurt, you were never willing, even though you were too cowardly to be the antidote. Every day, not even if you forget to miss him, not a bit of your memory is empty of his shadow. Just him, him, and him. You know that he is someone who loves poetry, so every time you write, you write about him. You know that he is someone who loves twilight, so every time the twilight comes to greet you, you think of his face. You know that he is someone who loves rain, so every time it rains, you imagine memories with him. What he likes, you will like. That's how crazy you are. If feelings were easy to put into words, of course you wouldn't hesitate to state them. However, all that is implied is too difficult to write. You're afraid your feelings will only drive him further away. So, you choose to bury everything in silence without wanting to disappear. Until one day you hear news that breaks all your hopes, you see a reality that suffocates your chest; He who you admire, admire others, he who you want to hold, holding the hands of others. You're disappointed, really disappointed, but you can't do anything about it. Just silent behind someone who never noticed your existence. Just crying behind someone who never realized someone was hurt. Just lying on the back of someone who never realized someone was struggling. You lose before you have, you let go before you can hug, you finish before you start. Now, like someone who is lost, who doesn't know where to go anymore, your life stops at a point that makes you restless, restless. You still write poetry, but only poetry about leaving. You still stare at the twilight, but with a blank stare. You're still waiting for the rain, but only to run through it hiding your tears. How one name in your heart changes your whole, one name that you hold on to in your last prostration changes your prayer. Yesterday, your prayers to be together, today to be able to forgive.