If only love

The reveal

We opened our envelopes and Miguel was the first one to shout out in joy.

"yes! I got in." he looked at his mom and rushed to her. "mom, look! I got in"

"I'm so happy. I'm glad you decided to study not far from home." his mom said as they hugged.

I looked at mine with a smile,  I was going to Greens College which was about four towns north of my home town. It was a dream come true.

"Mya?" my dad asked.

"I got into Greens for business administration" I said happily. I only hoped Xander was going to the same school as I am. He looked up from his letter and sighed.

"I got into Blues"

Everyone started to wish us all their congratulations but my heart was breaking. You see Blues was four towns from our home town but on the opposite side of my college. Which means we have about seven-eight towns between us. How will we make this relationship work when so far from each other? Will we tell our families about us before we leave for college or will we just wait till we fall apart?

"can I be excused please? " I randomly just said at the table.

"what's wrong honey? " Xander's mom asked me.

" I'm just not feeling too well. " I lied.

" what is it, Mya? " my mom asked quite concerned.

" it's nothing mom. I guess I just need some rest, the anxiety of waiting for response has given me a headache." I tried to smile through my lie.

I was allowed to leave, so I headed home. As I walked down the street, I kept thinking of how this was going to play out. Had he really submitted is application to Blues cause with his grades, he can't be rejected. But I know he can't lie to me, these last few months have been amazing. With distance, things fall apart. I gasped as someone grabbed my arm and I was about to scream....

"hey.... It's just me."

"Xander! You scared me"

"I'm sorry "

"why are you out here? "

"I was worried about you and made up an excuse to just be get out too."

"okay" I said while we continued to walk and I looked down.

When we reached my place, I directed him straight to the swing in the backyard.

" Mya,  I know what you are thinking. "he paused as I looked at him. " you know I wanted us to attend the same college until we are ready to tell our families about us. We will make it work. I will visit you as often as I can and when the time is right we can tell our families."

"when will the time be right? You keep saying that but when? With distance, there is a chance we won't work."

" don't say that. We will make it work. And I'm only saying we wait cause it seems you doubt us and my love for you.  I want to keep working on us till you trust me. Which honestly isn't fair to me. Hasn't our relationship lasted without our family putting pressure on us? "

"it has but... "

"but nothing! I don't understand why you want to involve people in this when we are just getting our footing in this relationship!"

"Xander I...."

"know what? Make a decision cause I don't want our family in our business. If you insist then maybe we should end this before we go"

As I watched him walk away, I couldn't understand what just happened. I heard footsteps as a the dry leaves made a sound as the steps drew closer. I turned behind and came face to face with a very furious Miguel.

"M-Miguel? Hhow long.. "

"long enough. How long? His voice sounded so distant.

"Miguel.. "

"how long?! "

"three months" I said through a sob.

"Miguel please"

"don't. Why"

"I love him. " I looked up through my tears.

"and you think he does?! "

"why are you shouting at me?! He loves me! Why is that so hard to believe?! "

He looked at me with pity and moved close. He put his hand on my cheek and spoke. "I wish you could see that he doesn't deserve you. And I hope when you finally do, it won't be too late." he looked me in the eye, kissed my forehead and walked away through the same path he came through.

"Miguel?" he didn't look back but shook his head as we disappeared. Why did it feel like I was breaking up with both of them or they indirectly asked me to choose between them. How do I make that choice? I love them both but a different kind of love. I don't want to choose between them. How can one choose between her best friend and her boyfriend. I decided to spend the rest of my day in my room. As I layed on my bed and cried, I tried to think on how I could keep both of them without causing a fight between them. I stayed in the same position till it was dark. Someone knocked on my door and opened before I could answer. Well,  it's not like I planned on answering anyway.

"hey baby. How are you feeling?" I felt my mom sit as she spoke. I had no strength to answer her as I broke down again.

"oh baby. What's wrong? Shhhhh" she slept next to me and hugged me.

"tell me what's bothering you. Mama is here for you."I turned and hugged my mom and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up alone in the morning. I checked my phone. It was 08:09Am and a huge good morning text from the weather app.  

I wish I felt good about morning. I knew I had to talk to Miguel and Xander. We only had two weeks before leaving. I texted Miguel first.

"hey"

"hey. "

"how are you? "

"Mya, what do you want?"

"Miguel please. Can we meet and talk?"

"about what?" after a few seconds another text came. "okay fine."

"thank you. Usual place and time."

I knew I deserved it but it still hurt when he spoke to me like that. I got out of bed and did my daily routine before heading to the kitchen to make some breakfast. When I got to the kitchen, I found mom washing the dishes.

"good morning mama" she turned towards my voice and smiled.

"good morning baby. Hope you are feeling better. " I nodded. "okay, sit down and I will dish out your breakfast."

I sat quietly and waited. Once she gave me my food, I started to eat but noticed my mom looking at me.

"what happened yesterday, Mya?"

"it's nothing mom. Miguel and I had a fight. I was already not feeling well so I just overreacted."

"are you sure?"

"yes mom. I am."

"okay baby. I'm sure you guys will sort it out."

Time went by so fast and it was almost time to meet Miguel. As I walked to the park, I practiced what I was going to say to him and hoped he would understand. I saw him already sitted on the bench looking at his phone. I smiled knowing he  was playing a game.

"hey" I said when I reached him.

"hey" I sat down next to him.

"how are you?"

"fine." I sighed.

"Miguel please."

"no Mya. You don't understand."

"then tell me how you feel so that I can."

"you don't see how beautiful and awesome you are. You allow your love to be taken for granted. He doesn't deserve you and I'm only trying to protect you. I will not standby and watch him turn you into a fool. Open your eyes." tears were streaming down my face at this point. " I know you have been dating behind my back. I can't sit by and watch... "

"please don't do this"

"no. I'm not going to make you choose but if you stay with him, I will never speak of your relationship and don't want to hear about it. And when he hurts you, I will still stand by you. I just don't promise to not hurt him. Go home. "

"please."

"ahhhhh. Lemme take you home. Just tell me what you decide and don't keep it a secret."

The walk home was so silent. Once we got home, he gave me a hug, a kiss on the forehead and left. I went straight to my room to think. I knew I had to talk to Xander. So I texted.

"hey"

"hey"

"can we meet tomorrow?"

He blueticked me for a good thirty minutes. So I texted him again.

"Xander?"

"sure."

"thank you. The play park 7pm."

And he left me on blueticks and never responded. I just plugged my phone to charge and went to sleep.

The next day time went by so fast. Before I knew it, it was 6pm and I was on my way to meet Xander. I was so nervous when I spotted him by the swings. Was I suppose to say something first? Was he still mad at me? When I got there, I just sat next to him and looked down. I heard him sigh.

"I'm sorry." he said. When I didn't say anything he touched my leg, I didn't expect it so I flinched. "look, I didn't mean to yell at you. I just don't understand why you want to involve people who will cause confusion in our relationship. I just want what's best for us. I promise to come and visit you often but we have to make this work before we tell them."

He was right. We had to make it work first. I mean look at how Miguel reacted, if he could act like that, how will the others act. I know it will be mixed with Xander's former reputation, I say former cause he has changed since we got together.

"you are right. Let's keep it silent for now.  We will make it work."

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