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Jesse never pushed for the reason of my emotional breakdown at his home. He thought it was because of how rough he’d been earlier. That time with him had touched me in ways he’d never know. He had made me feel alive, in ways that I hadn’t felt since before Ethan’s death. That was also the night my floodgates opened again.
I felt Ethan everywhere I went, but it was different. Instead of the grief from before, or the hole that he’d ripped in me, it was a better feeling. Maybe this was the acceptance stage of mourning. I didn’t know, but I did know I was still angry. Ethan shouldn’t have died. I shouldn’t have lost my brother. We should’ve still been a family.
I also realized that night that even though what my parents had done to me was awful, I couldn’t just stay numb to my hurt. I wa
