Greedy
1063 Words
The VVIP section was an enclosed area that was covered completely in glass. It overlooked a breathtaking view of the city, and I held my breath as Florian slowly brought me to sit across from the only other empty seat in the section.
He leaned away but stayed close, his eyes taking me in as his fingers gently pushed my hair back behind my ears.
"Are you okay?"
I met his eyes. It hurt. It felt like a dull ache in my heart, and my chest felt tight. How could they really choose him? What could be so demeaning that they would so blatantly refuse their own daughter?
I met Florian's eyes. Would he hate it if he saw me vulnerable? Would I ruin this date when he was doing everything to make me happy?
I sighed and turned away, trying to keep my tears in. I can't mess this up.
"If you are trying to appear strong for me, you shouldn't, Rox. I held your hand at your dentist appointment when you were getting that toothache, and I don't think I have ever seen anyone cry as hard."
I gave a small laugh. "You remember that?"
He straightened, his hand gently pulling my head to rest on his stomach. His body was firm, manly, and I could feel the sections against his shirt. His fingers gently caressed my face, and my eyes closed as I settled into him.
"I remember everything about you," he said, his voice so soft that it felt like a whisper.
I nodded. "Then I guess that I can admit that seeing them hurt?"
"You can admit to anything as long as it's true."
I let out a small breath. "I am trying. I am trying to adjust, Florian, but you might have to wait. I am used to this pain that it doesn't even feel like pain anymore. I am so used to being second. I am used to my love being a burden, even to my own parents. I am used to looking in the mirror and seeing a woman that I don't even recognize."
His fingers moved slowly against my face, and I let out a shaky breath.
"I am never in a hurry, Rox. Especially not when the prize I am getting to is you."
I slowly leaned away, my head lifting to meet his eyes. He did not have the fully expressive face that would make reading him easy. His face was stoic, his brows dark, but Lord, his eyes.
They held all of the vortices I needed to see. All of the sincerity I needed to believe. All of the words his quiet nature would never let him say.
I gave a smile, then nodded, reaching for his hand. "Thank you."
He said nothing but leaned, his fingers pushing my hair back as he kissed my forehead. It felt like a kiss right on the cracks in my soul, and my hand tightened around his hand.
Slowly, he leaned away, and I reluctantly let him go. He sat across from me, just as a server knocked on the closed door.
"Come in," Florian answered, and I sniffed a bit, then turned to the server.
He walked in and handed each of us a tablet that held their menu. I already knew what I wanted.
"The lamb roast," I said, turning to the server.
He looked between me and Florian, then gave a polite smile. Florian ticked off a dish, handed the tablet back to the server, and then slowly reached for the wine on the table.
The server walked away, and I sat there, watching Florian pour into our glasses. I watched him, my eyes taking every inch of him in.
He was so different from when I had seen him last over eight years ago. Then, we were complicated. It was a crazy push and pull. But we were both young, and things had changed. Now we were here, and I still don't know where we are heading.
"How have you been, Florian?"
He looked up to me, then slowly pushed the glass towards me. "I am not sure. What are you talking about?"
I shrugged, taking the glass. "We lost contact. For eight years."
"No," he said, a small laugh escaping him. "You avoided me. I respected your decision."
I took a long sip of the wine. "Shouldn't you hate me, then?"
"You had your reasons," he replied, swirling the cup between his fingers. "And seeing you like this so desperately trying to conform to what other people want you to be, I feel like I played a part in that. You were right if you wanted none of that."
I watched him for the longest time, unable to say a word. I gulped down the rest of my drink and closed my eyes, my chest heaving hard.
I met his eyes again, and he had them on me, boring through my soul, breaking my defences.
"That wasn't why I avoided you."
He nodded. "Did you outgrow what we had?"
"No," I said, shaking my head. I grabbed the bottle, filled my glass, and gulped it down. He never stopped me, but I noticed he dropped his glass, like he would have to stay sober for me.
I sighed, closing my eyes. I could see it right there, my thoughts, as I made sure to avoid him. The burn of that kiss on my lips every time I so much as heard his name.
"It doesn't matter why..."
"It's because you broke my heart."
He stopped, his eyes darting across both of mine. "What?"
I swallowed hard, and I felt tipsy, yet completely sober at the same time. I shrugged, then leaned back. "You bullied me, but then you held my hand. You called me ugly, but then you looked at me like I was beautiful. "
"Rox..."
"And then you kissed me. And it broke my heart to know that I really... really couldn't measure up. Call me a coward. Yes. You played a role in this... new me. But the only person I was trying to conform to, at least in the beginning, was you, Florian. You were the one I wanted to be good enough for. Until I was good enough, it would be greedy of me to even come in front of you after that kiss."
- Writer
