Reflections
1116 Words
I stood by the window, my hand wrapped around me, my eyes fixed on the dark skies. My mind raced, my lips tingled, and my entire being was a raging mess of emotions.
Ronan, Florian. Ellinel. Just two weeks ago, I would have sworn I wouldn't make it alive after the heartbreak Damien gave to me. Just two weeks ago, I was preparing to be a bride, and my entire existence had depended on it.
Now I am standing here, and I can't even bring myself to think of the man I would have married. It may have been for the best that it happened this way. My own heart has been far too quick, and I have realized just how big a mistake I would have made.
The door suddenly opened, and I turned slowly, my heart immediately finding a sense of calm and agitation. The mix of polar opposite emotions made me even weaker in the knees, and it took me everything to not fall to his knees.
Florian slowly walked in, holding a tray. On the tray was a plate of blueberry pancakes and a few blueberry and dusted sugar for garnish and a glass of smoothie.
He set it on the bed and straightened, his eyes meeting mine. I swallowed hard, a lump rising in my throat.
"I... you were really cooking for me at three a.m.?"
He shrugged. "Will you have it?"
I nodded slowly. "Thank you."
He gave me his hand, his eyes holding mine in a dark, intense gaze. I slowly brought my hand to his, letting it hover for a while before I finally took his hand. He was cold. Just the right temperature to offset the insane amount of heat and sweat in my palm.
He gently pulled me, then guided me towards the edge of the bed. I say obediently, and he sat across from me. I watched as he leaned back, his eyes focused straight ahead, his hands rested a little behind him on the bed.
I started to eat, at first, for the fact that it was my favourite and he had put in so much effort, then later because it was so freaking good and I was hungrier than I thought I was.
"I am sorry," Florian suddenly said. I looked up to him, but he was still staring straight ahead. "I am sorry I scared you earlier."
I swallowed, my eyes slowly turning to the mirror he was staring at. His reflection was warm in the dim evening lights, and I gave a small smile.
"I don't know if scared is the right word for the things I felt."
He tilted his head slightly upwards. "Then?"
I shrugged. "I could only think of her. Were you this angry with Ronan because of her? Damien? Was I just... cast in her shadow? I think I have had enough of being second."
He looked at my reflection for a split second. "I know."
Of course he did. He was there for such a long time. For what seemed like forever.
We fell into silence again before he gave a small sigh.
"Do we still have that spray painting date tomorrow?"
I gave a small laugh, nearly choking on my smoothie. "After all this, you are still concerned about spraying my parents' house?"
He simply shrugged, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror. "Whatever makes you happy. Whatever helps you forget all of this."
I smiled, my eyes watching him now. "I am an adult, Florian. My life won't always be roses."
"I want to ensure that it isn't all thorns. Look around you, Rox. This place is so cut off from humanity just to shield you. The world is crazy. You don't have to witness it."
I stopped eating, my lips slightly parting, my chest heaving hard. His words screamed obsession. Like those books I used to read that turned dark real fast. Now I understand why those characters stayed. Because it felt so damn good. Especially after being treated the way I had all my life, this... this obsession that could probably go dark very soon... it was exactly what I needed.
"Florian."
He turned to me. "Yes?"
"How... did I never notice how you felt?"
He shrugged. "I didn't want you to. Besides, aren't we all a little blind to some things?"
I nodded slowly. "Maybe."
We fell into silence again, and I turned to the mirror so I could see his eyes.
"Did you... hate me? For not seeing it?"
He turned to meet my eyes, his lips slightly pursed. "Hate you?" His voice was low, silky, smooth. "It would be impossible to hate you, Roxanne."
I felt warmth rush through my body, setting me on familiar fires. I looked away, my lips parting, a lump sitting right above my throat.
"Now I feel guilty. For only coming here when things didn't work out with Damien. For giving you a piece of me that someone else already had..."
"I am a man, Roxanne. The last thing I care about is if someone has had you. And it's just you and I in here, Roxanne. You know who had you first. Way before Damien ever came along. In the moments when you doubted the things you could do to me."
I bit down on my lips. "That kiss."
"That kiss," he said, nodding. "You know I didn't just kiss you. You kissed me back. And you held on. I don't know why you did it, but I would have attended your wedding and given you my blessing and lived the rest of my life simply on the memories of that kiss."
"It feels so weird seeing you so bare."
He gave a small smile. "I just hope you would trust me again. I am the safest person you can be with, and I intend for things to stay that way."
I leaned forward, my hand resting on his hand. I squeezed lightly, my eyes fixed on the way our hands met.
"Thank you. Thank you very much."
He simply smiled, then leaned and kissed my forehead. "You should sleep. Spray painting is a hard job, I heard."
I broke into a laugh, then nodded, but neither of us moved for the longest time and just stayed there, our eyes holding each other's, our breaths mixing.
He slowly pulled away, taking the tray of empty plate and half filled glass.
"I have a batter of pancakes in the fridge. Just in case."
I laughed, my heart fluttering as I nodded. He walked away, closing the door behind him. I sat there, watching the path he had disappeared in, a breath escaping my lips.
- Writer
