Mine, To Hold And Behold

Chapter 8

"Are you coming tonight?" Kumar asked gulping down the alcohol, Jiya, a first year girl sitting on his lap and sipping beer. Apparently, she is the flavour of tonight for him.

"Of course I am, why do you ask?" I shrugged sipping my glass of Brandy. It was Friday so it was fighters night. We were in the Gym, celebrating Sameer's birthday and drowning in alcohol. Pari has been begging me to stop going for fights. She didn't have to try harder though, on text from her and I would instantly choose her over the fight. it became evident on the first night when I ditched the match for her.

He shrugged, "Nothing. You have hardly been to fights these last six months"

"Since Pari, to be precise" Jai muttered kissing his girlfriends neck (Don't ask the name, I honestly don't care). My head snapped to them.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

"We are saying that", Sameer got up, lifting up his Beer bottle and walked to the ring. He stood in the center of the ring and raised both his hands up in the air, "YOU ARE WHIPPED", he said and everyone burst into fits of giggles.

I got up from my seat and smashed the glass onto the floor, "What?" I snapped. Everyone sobered up and started sipping from their drinks to hide their stupid grins. No one made eye contact with me. "You are not whipped bro", Kumar said in a low voice, I looked at him, he lifted his gaze to meet mine, "You are in love" He said seriously, for a minute their I thought he understood me but he opened his stupid mouth and burst into laughter. Everyone followed except me. Even those girls whom the guys called their girlfriends 'for tonight'.

"You are in love" Jai said in a sing-song voice. Everyone laughed again.

"No I am not. Shut up everyone" I yelled. I don't know why I wasn't admitting it. I know I love her, more than anything. But admitting it aloud, made me look weak, feel weak even. I sighed internally, I am a coward. Everyone's laughter became chuckles slowly.

"yeah! Shut up, you all" Sameer said, still standing in the middle of the ring, with his hands high in air, "Bro isn't in love. He is whipped" He said in a serious tone. But, everyone burst into laughter. "The witch has bewitched him", another round of laughter. I was beyond frustrated right now. I clenched and unclenched my fists. I didn't want any of them handicapped, or maybe I didn't care. But I knew that if I got into a fight, Pari wouldn't appreciate it.

Fu*k. Am I really whipped?

"Rags baby!" one of the girls touched my arm, which she thought was a seductive way. "you can prove them wrong you know," she said, not finishing the sentence. She wore a noodle strip, skimpy blue top and a three-fourth tight black jeans. She winked at me suggestively.

I was beyond disgusted with her. It was different before, but now, Pari was the only woman who ruled my heart. But I couldn't let them know that. It would make me look too.... whipped.

"Babe!" she purred. I brushed her hand off me. She pouted,

"Let it be Shaina, everybody knows, that Raghav is taken" Bianca, the b***h prompted from behind. She walked in,, as if she owns the place. A lit cigarette held between her right forefinger and middle, she took a huge swig out of it. , "hey Bianca, long time" I said. I walked up to her to greet her properly and hugged her, pecking her right cheek.

"Hm.. Not bad, I've heard that now Raghu doesn't even spare a glance to girls other than his" she said, lifting an eyebrow.

Bianca was my first girlfriend. The one to whom I lost my virginity. She was experienced and... well a wh*re actually. But I knew better than to call her names. She practically increased my social circle by becoming my girlfriend. Though she was a complete bi*ch, who toyed with every guys feelings, she still maintained a good say in social circles. She was, what you call, a queen bee.

"Nothing like that. I have a girlfriend now, true. But everything else, I'm not sure". I said, confidently. She nodded, taking a swig from the cigarette.

"Hm.. And it's also true that she is your childhood sweetheart?" she asked, What the hell! How did she know about this. I made sure that no one knew about this. Everyone already had so many doubts about my relationship, I didn't need more judgments from anyone.

"So, I'm sure, your girlfriend doesn't mind if I borrow you tomorrow night, does she?" She asked loud enough for every one to hear. "I have a party to attend and I don't have a date" She pouted, trying to look adorable but literally failed. If I reject her, then everyone will agree to the notion of me being whipped. And if I accept the offer, then I would be cheating upon Pari, which I don't want to.

"Babe! you know I don't double time, right" I said, pulling her closer to me by her waist. Trying to ease off the denial.

"You always have a way with words, now, don't you?" she smiled seductively and leaned closer, capturing my lips. I was completely taken off guard. She pulled away, "I am not suggesting anything, I just want you to be my date for the party. For old times sake? You know better than making me ask twice", she said in a seductive voice, but I caught up to the threat behind her voice.

I didn't want any more complications. Since I started dating Pari exclusively, there have been rumors, whisperings, and all the other s**t. I have been trying to avoid as much of it as I could, and I definitely didn't need Bianca to create an impression about me in the circle. I have a reputation for fu*ks sake, and I need to keep it up.

I pulled her body flush against mine. She leaned forward pressing her lips to mine. May be it was the alcohol, or the wolf whistles around us, or Bianca being an experienced kisser, but somehow, I found myself responding to the kiss, and kissing her back .

"Yeah! Bro! I told you, you are not whipped. The witch has bewitched you" Sam roared in pleasure. And that pushed me off the edge, I kissed her more fiercely and hungrily. Though there was nothing about this kiss, like it was with Pari. No emotion, no love, no feelings, nothing.

More whistles and claps. I pulled away, grasping for breathe.

'You know me babes! I haven't changed a lot. Do you believe me now?" I said smirking. Bianca smiled seductively and ran her hands up and down my chest.

********************

I was woken from that dream,or memory, to a soft hand caressing my face. My eyes flutter opened. I couldn't make out whether it was a dream or if I died and reached heaven.

Pari.

There she was sitting beside me. Her face was radiant and if possible, more beautiful. Her hair was straight, and a few bangs were carressing her cheeks. I beamed at her. My face breaking into a stupid grin. I immediately slipped into the trance, where I am having her in my arms, holding her close to my chest. Hugging her to my sleep. The way, her body would perfectly fit against mine. The way her smile would be enough to make my day.

"Stop grinning like an i***t" she snapped at me, breaking my trance. She already stood up. I frowned at her tone. Why is she so mad at me? 'Because, you came here uninvited' my inner voice yelled at me.

Oh!

I gave her a sheepish smile. "I asked you something" she said in an irrritated way. My frown grew deeper, what's with this tone? I knew she wouldn't jump into my arms as soon as she spotted me, but this attitude of hers was the last thing I thought. Rude wasn't one of her trait. She stood from the bed, and that's when I took in the surroundings. I was back in my room, the farm house. How did she know, where I lived? Honestly, I don't care, she brought me back to my place and waited till I woke up, instead of leaving me alone. That was something, right. Right?

"Ugh" she groaned, tugging her hair. "What? Did you hurt your head so badly, that you forgot how to speak?"

"No?" I replied, which almost sounded like a question,

She folded her arms, "well..?" she asked.

"Ugh...Hey?" I said, again it sounded like a question. I am confused would be an understatement. I don't know what to say to her. This 'new' her.

"How long was I out?" I asked, now that's a good start, I mentally pat my shoulder. I need t keep this conversation going until I figure out the answers she is gonna demand.

She huffed, rolling her eyes, "Don't flatter yourself, its just been a little over an hour. You haven't gone into a coma" she said. I was taken aback with her attitude, if it had been a couple of years ago, she would have been crying her eyes out right now for my injury. I touched my forehead, it was covered with a bandage. It hurt, but the pain was not too much. I tried to sit up, by pulling myself up, my elbows hurt, giving away the support and making me fall back on bed. I looked up, Pari was still there watching me intently, not moving even an inch.

For a second, I saw an emotion flicker through her eyes, which dissapeared quickly.

What was I expecting? That she would come running to my aid? Well, yeah!. But I guess, she doesn't plan on anything such. So, i gave up on her and tried once again. My elbows hurt, probably scraped from the fall I had. Finally, I successfully, sat up, looking at her. There was a blank expression on her face. The same expression she had when I first met her a few years ago. She was building her walls back on. Damn!!

"How did you know, I was living here?", I asked her. She blinked repeatedly before replying, as if she broke herself from a trance.

"Salim called you on your cell phone, when you passed out, I took the address from him" she said . I nodded. "I didn't know you were still in contact with him" she said, taking a seat on the chair beside the bed.

"yea, he is my best friend. Why woulldn't i be in contact with him?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Salim seemed a little too concerned about you. He called twice after I brought you here"

"How did you get in?" I asked, I clearly remember not taking a spare key with me. Mrs.Smith was still here while I was gone and I was too overwhelmed to see her, I didnt even bother to take a key.

"I know you didnt carry a key with you" she said as if reading my thoughts, "but, luckily, I happen to know Mrs.Smith. I called her up and asked her to open the door"

"Oh" was all I could say, and as on cue, Mrs.Smith, appeared into my room with a tray and what I assume a soup bowl on it.

"How are you feeling Mr.Watson?" She greets me and I mentally curse. Did she have to use my name? I mean the fake name. Remind me to kill that son of a b*tch of a friend of mine, when I return. Pari frowns in confusion. "I know you asked me to leave but, as soon as I left, Pari called me informing that my guest was in an accident. I couldn't jus leave" she said with concern laced voice. If she didnt just blow away my fake identity, I would have gave her a warm smile for her concern.

"Thank you Tess, I will take it from here. You better get back to Jamie" Mrs.... I mean, Tess, young name for an old, I mean a middle aged woman, gasped loudly, clutching her chest.

"He was there during the accident?" She asked. "did he see?", her eyes wide in horror. Pari's eyes held concern,

"Tess, don't worry. He was there, yes. But he didn't see anything. I made sure all the kids stay inside the bus, when it happened".

"Jonathan said there was a lot of blood" she said turning her head for a brief glance towards me, I have no fuc*ing clue, what they are talking about.

"yes there was" pari sighed dropping her head, but she took a deep breathe and placed her hand on Tess's shoulder and smiled reassuringly, "but it wasn't as bad you think it is. I was there remember. I handled everything fine" she said with a reassuring smile and glanced at me. "And do you think he would be sitting here in complete consciousness, if it was that bad?" she asked.

Tess laughed. "you are right probably" she said and turned towards me, "You better watch where you go, Mr.Watson. You wouldn't be so lucky next time" she said glancing at Pari. With hat she left.

"What blood?" I blurted out before I could process mmy thoughts.

"Yours" she snapped. She is really getting on my nerves with this damn attitude. But I can't help but find it appealing. "You lost a lot of blood. Doctor who looked you up, confirmed that nothing was wrong, but lets go to the hospital in town, just to be sure in case", Now that's my Pari. Always worrying and trying to make sure of everything.

"enough about my accident. Let's talk about something else", i quickly dodged the subject. "Tell me, how are you?"

She beamed at me, actually smiling a happy smile. "I have been great", she said. I was so used to her saying that she was fine, now hearing her say that she was great was.... confusing. She sighed loudly"I know why you are here" her words made me frown.

"I know that you know that I am getting married in a month", she said looking away. She walked back and leaned against the wall.

"Yeah! I heard" I gulped. "Who is the lucky guy?" I need a plan here. I can't ask her to just call off the wedding. She is too utight and stuborn to go back onn her decision. I need to saw the tree brom the otherside to break it. I need to know who that prick, she intends to marry is.

"Noel is a great guy. You both could get along so well",yeah! We could, in a boxing ring perhaps.

Noel. Noel. I have heard this name before. But where.....?No fu*king way. "Noel? You mean that tall and lanky guy, who works for my dad?" I asked, not hiding the disgust in my voice.

She was taken aback by my response, that was obvious. She shifted her feet uncomfortably, looking in random directions. A nervous gesture.

"Come on babe! You can do better than that" I said, meaning it completely. She glared at me.

"first of all, do not call me..... forget it" she sighed, I smiled. She knows I won't give up on calling her names, "secondly, by bettar whom do you suggest? You?" she spat the last word, as if it bought a bitter taste to her mouth.I looked away from her peircing gaze.

"Well... No" I said, again before thinking. Ugh.. I need to get the co-ordination of my mind and mouth back on track. "I know I don't deserve you" I sighed, looking down at my palm. "But you could definitely do better than some.... guy who takes every command of my dad to his priority" I said, notbeing able to deliver what I wanted to exactly say. I wanted to tell her that Noel was a pu*sy who barked everytime my dad whipped his leash, like a fu*king circus dog.

"You haven't resolved your issues with your dad yet, have you?" she asked calmly. "Last time I recall, you wanted to do better with your relationship with him"

"Yeah! Because of you", I blurted out, before my mind could stop, still not looking at her.

"What?" she asked in a whisper.

"You know very well, that whatever good I did in my life were all either for you or because of you. Wanted to be better for you. I wanted to build my relationship with my dad,, so that he woudn't screw up my chances with you when the right time came. But hell! He did exactly, what I expected him to do, he screwed everything up. You hate me now".

"Your dad didn't screw up. You did" she put the truth in front of me.

"I know" I raised my voice. I knew I screwed up. Two fuc*ing years, I've lived with the regrets and realization of what a screw up I was. Any more reminders and I am gonna loose it. "I know I screwed up. I know I hurt you. But it was never my intention. I would erase my mistake if I had a chance. Trust me, I would"

She laughed a dry laugh, with no humour in it. "Trust you?" she laughed again, blinking rapidly, "Which mistakes would you erase, Raghu? The one when you cheated on me with that bi... Bianca?" she snapped, "Or the one when you went behind my back with my friend?" she said, emphasising on the word, 'friend'.

Yeah! I remember her friend, Tina. She was a bimbo, beauty with no brains at all. It started with small things at first. I would call her up to know something about Pari. Like what her classes were, when would she finish her classes, why she was upset on a particular day or whether if anybody was bothering her. One thing led to other, we started to chat. She was easy to flirt with. And it was kind of fun, back then. One day she came up with her own problem to me, about a stalker, who wouldn't take no for an answer. I being the di*k I am, wanted to show my heroism, so when she told me the name of the guy, I went and beat the s**t out of him without trying to look into the facts first. Which did nothing but lead me behind bars. Tina lied to me, she just came up with this fu*ked up plan of hers to make me fall in love with her. There was no stalker. She cooked it all up in order to look innocent and vernerable, something to make me feel like she needs me. She wanted to make me fall for her with that stupid plan of hers. I don't know what the hell she was thinking. The guy whom she claimed to be stalking her, was one of her face book friends and apparently, the only son of the City Police Commissioner. Tina didn't admit her lies though. She claimed that we both were dating and I got jealous of her face book friend and beat him up. My dad, however, used his influence and got me out of the jail. But no one believed me. Everyone believed that poor, crying, innocent, Tina .Pari believed me though. But she was so disappointed. I never told her about Tina. I didn't feel like she was that important to be mentioned.

I didn't knew that it would cost me later.

"you did a lot of mistakes to erase" her words broke my train of thoughts.

"I know. I would hate myself too, if I were you" I said, sighing defeated.

"No", she said. Shaking her head, "I don't hate you Raghu". She said. Again, a flicker of hope sparked through my heart. "I'm over you" she said and all hope vanished.

She walked towards the bed and sat on the edge. "Our... relationship... or whatever that we had, was suffocating" she said slowly, carefully, as if she was choosing her words what to say. "When I learned that you cheated on me, I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. But somewhere deep down, I knew it. I saw the signs but I didn't want to acknowledge them. You were withdrawing from me. You wouldn't hold my hand in college, in front of a crowd. Unless you were jealous of some guy talking to me. You were too possesive and over protective, always trying to lock me up. You never took me to a party, or to one of those fights where you would go, ocassionally or when you hang out with your friends. I don't know whether you were embarassed by me or you wanted to protect me from that dark world you belonged to, but...you never let me in. I tried raghu, I tried a lot. I tried to break those walls that you build around yourselves. I tried to bring you out of that dark place you chose to stay. I tried to get to you, make a difference. Some difference. But I failed. I failed you", she hung her head low and sighed.

"Babe..." I wanted to tell her that she didnt fail me. I wanted to tell her not to blame herself. I failed her. I failed our relationship. Not her.

"Don't. We were young and stupid, you know. They were right. What we had wasn't love"

"Stop. Dont say another word" I cut in before she could finish. I heard this crap so many times, I don't want to hear it again. Not from her.

"No, Raghu. It is true" she sighed. There is no way to stop her from finishing her speech. She starts talking and she forgets when to stop. She hasn't changed much either. "we were too young when we were seperated. You build disractions around you, walls around your heart to preven it from getting trampede. I hadno such luck. All those years, I spent in your memory. As I grew, my friendship towards you became a crush and later it turned into something more stronger than that. I couldn't look at another guy and not compare him to you. 'Is my Raghu as tall as this guy?', 'Does my Raghu have the seneof humour like this man?', thats how all my thoughts were. My entire world revolved around you and only you.

When I came back and you didnt recognize me, I was devasted. My whole world collapsed around me and I couldn't do anything except cry. But later you recognized me, and I was so happy about it that I forgot all my heartache and anger that was caused when yu didn't recognize me. I accepted you immediately, becaue you were everything I ever wanted and the only thing I ever wished for. Don't you think that I was unaware about the rumors, or the whisperings or every other crap. You proteced me from it as much as you could but, you couldn't keep me away from it forever. I had to face people in my class, on my way home, in the college corridor. Everywhere my love was a joke. I didnt understand why did they bother. It wasnt thier buisiness anyway, yet they judged. Those judgemental people were everywhere, Raghu", she paused, looking down, smiling at the memories. My lips tugged up into a small smile.

"Do you remember my friends?" she asked suddenly,

"Huh?" I asked, clearly confued by her unexpected question,

"Do you remember my friends?" She asked again turning her face to look at me.

"Well.... ugh" hell! I don' remember her hanging out with anyone. Tina was her friend but I knew Pari hated that girl. She only hung out with her because she was her lb partner.

She chuckled lightly, "you see my point. I never had any friends Raghu. You were everything to me".

True. I was everything to her. I couldn't help but let that small ray oof hope flicker, that maybe, just maybe that I still am everything to her.

"You were everything I had. I don't think you had any true friends either. The gang with whom you spend all your time with never understood our relationship either. True friends understand each other, even if they don't they supprt each other. Your's didn't, so how can you call them your friends? I know that's the only reason you never let me near them. Yet, you continued to hang out with those people. Because that became your world. The dark place where you chose to live in. And I chose something completely opposite to yours, something where it was just me and you. Just us.

I was wrong. And so were you. The world where you decided to live doesnt suite you. You shouldn't have been there in the first place. It was dark and devoid of any kind of emotion and... just something you don't deserved. And the world I always dreamed of, was completely ridiculous. I mean, we cant just ignore the world and create our own world. How I even thought of that, scares me.

We were wrong, and seperation was the best thing that happened to us." she completed.

"I don't know what to say" I say honestly. I really don't know how to reply t that. I knew everything she just said. I figured it all, a long while ago. But hearing it aloud seems real and I didnt want to admit how true she is about us.

"You don't have to. I know that you know everything I just said is so true.But I just have to..... you know say this out loud and make it clear with you. I know you came here, because you learned about my marriage. And I know you very well, that you are gonna, try and sabotage my wedding but Raghu...." she sighs, "we loved each other. But we were two different people, who belong to two different worlds. So there was no way for us to make a future back then. S stop blaming yourself or yur dad or anyone or anything for what happened t us. And now, I am no longer that girl who holds her heart out for her childhood love to get trampled upon. I have become independent and strong. Back then it was just you whom I loved but now, I have learned to love myself aswell. We still are very different and still belong to two different worlds. And we still don't belong together"

And we still don't belong together.

SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE. BEEN QUITE BUSY LATELY. THIS IS A LONG CHAPTER, SO IT SHOULD DO THE TRICK.

LET ME KNOW MY DRAWBACKS AND ERRORS, EVEN YOUR DOUBTS AND QUERIES TOO OF COURSE.

AND PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT.