her sweet chains

It was growing late for me to experience my first shift. Everybody knew that but nobody thought to openly express it, especially not Darius. The Alpha who was growing more and more irate in our meetings, during which I became more and more adamant that my shifts would never occur and that despite his fervent wishes I would take after my mother’s biology, becoming human. Darius at first calmly and then angrily declared that we were all unique and my shifts would occur when the body was ready. He was right, shifts did vary and couldn't be encouraged by any means (not that the knowledge stopped us from trying). But they did generally take place in the mid teens, fourteen or fifteen was about average and when Darius was a child he experienced his first shift at twelve. So you can imagine my frustration when Derek found me in the forest a month shy of my eighteenth birthday and still awaiting my first shift. He approached with the stealth of a perfect hunter, which was after all what he was. Nobody but one of us could have found him. By my father simply being who he is meant that though the shifts were still denied to me I was gifted with the forest being my second home and heightened senses that meant I could achieve almost as much stealth and awareness there as Derek. Hence, why I was able to hear my best friends approach and recognise his calm, deliberate breaths, that pretty much sums up Derek everything with him is calm, measured, reasoned and deliberate, which meant that he never said anything in a rage that he later regretted but that also meant that anything he threw at you he meant which made it hurt all the more, and we argued about the colour of the sky some days but he was my best friend. I know that means that I shouldn’t want to change him for the world but I have to admit I may have tweaked him a little. I may have liked his first shift to have been denied to him just a little so he could understand me and not just echo the patient message of the Alpha that he claimed to understand. But no, he got his first shift a week after his fourteenth birthday, mastered his control and was appointed an enforcer within six months (although of course this was only his part time job until he took his GCSE’S) a position he’d now held for eight years. A slight contrast to me. I also may have chosen to reduce his hormone levels just a little. We had been best friends since, well forever, not that that in itself was that unusual though we grew up together. The pack was something of a closed community, so we grow up together and don’t socialize much outside of our little family. Although this did mean I was the object of the boy’s attention. None of them I ever believed was truly serious. I was simply the only one accessible girl. Humans, for a young male, were a very thorny issue so being the only female of our kind in our pack well in the teens anyway I was the recipient of their hyperactive hormones. There were two other women (Connie and Katie) although neither of them were naturals and so were obviously mated up; you only mess with a mate if you have no desire to keep all limbs in tact. So I was the centre of all the light hearted flirting and innuendoes but I always had been and that was fine, I was the girl and so that was the way it was and I knew none of them took it for anything real. I was seen as somewhere between a friend with breasts and a sister. All except Derek, he had never flirted never tried to subtly grope me, nothing like that I know it’s not very Derek but never. Like I said when Derek spoke you knew he had thought it through everything was considered. So I knew he hadn’t been joking, Derek had clearly been very subtly yet very persistently pursuing me pretty much since his first shift and I knew Derek so I knew he was totally serious about it. Worse than that was the fact that I wasn’t the only one that knew everybody in the pack knew and they all approved, as far as they were concerned and regardless of what I said me and Derek were together or would be, but right now they although I was just playing hard to get. “I thought I’d find you here.” He said flopping down next to me. “I wanted to be alone.” I said sharply giving him a glare he simply laughed off the rebuke it sounded more like a cough. “Your fathers been looking for you.” He said simply good old Derek my sole defender from my father. “Did you fob him off?” “No I told him I’d come to find you.” I scowled “Well done mission accomplished you can go now.” I really did care for him but I have been known to be a bit moody. “You missed dinner.” Typical, “Unlike you guys that’s not a critical issue for me.” “Well it should be your looking awfully.” he said his eyes still locked on my face, sparkling the way they did when he looked at me, this made me squirm nervously I don’t know why but I did. I knew that all the other guys would have taken this opportunity to slide their eyes over the rest of my body, Derek didn’t he focused on me as though implying he had already memorized every inch of me and he was being serious as always. he sighed heavily and shrugged as if he couldn’t finish that phrase as he couldn’t criticize me. “Cant you just go and tell my father that I’m fine.” “No.” I sighed heavily god this hurt. “Please.” “Wow that looked painful.” He said with an amused smile, I glared. “I won’t tell him that because you’re not okay and I’m getting worried about you.” He said folding his arms sternly, pure Derek no flowery words just simple deliberate Derek. He said exactly what he meant so no room for misinterpretation; I sighed and examined my shoelaces. “You always come here when you’re upset.” He said gently. Mental note: find a new thinking spot. “And you’ve been doing it more and more in the past few weeks.” Another mental note: work on stealth. “Your picking more and more fights with Darius and you know that’s not sensible.” I sighed again and began fiddling with my shoelaces wanting to block out his unhelpful logic. “Ignoring me won’t work. I’m not Jamie I won’t shrink away.” “Then can you send Jamie out?” Derek gave his cough like laugh again, a silence stretched out but it was comfortable, comfortable silences were a feature of Derek conversations they occurred when he was weighing up costs and benefits of saying what he was thinking. “Why did you say you wanted to leave?” my head slowly raised to lock my eyes on his, his voice was perfectly controlled but I couldn’t trust my ears Derek was very good at controlling himself. As i looked into his eyes though I saw the flecks of gold shooting across his irises the one thing he couldn’t control. Another mental note: when you are yelling at the Alpha the entire house will hear so watch your tongue. “It seemed logical.” I murmured though even to my ears I knew I sounded sulky. “I appear to be human. If we’re human we go live with the humans.” “You don’t want that.” he smiled “No you don’t want me to want that.” I countered but I addressed my shoes rather than Derek, it was hard to make flippant remarks with Derek. He assumed that everybody was like him and said what they meant and they just didn’t have the guts to stick to it later. When faced with something he didn’t want to answer and he didn’t want you to know what he was thinking he just remained silent his composure was something I envied and hated him for. “You belong here.” He whispered after a long considering silence, “Not if I’m human.” “Human or not you belong with us.” “Because of my father.” I snapped. “no.” he whispered his voice was husky and too intense it made my skin tremble “because of you Jess. It’s who you are you make us.” “Well sorry to disappoint but it appears I’m simply human. So the womb available sign is officially gone you are all free girl less and will have to start meddling with the mere mortals.” “Jess that’s not it.” He said sharply “Sure it is. There are twelve of us. Two pairs that’s four, plus two old guys then five boys and me.” “That’s not it.” He repeated his eyes flashing with more golden flecks I was getting to him, his voice had a slight bite to it but nothing else but he was my best friend I knew I was getting to him. “You know as well as I do it’s a recessive gene in girls it’s very possible I'm human. I know you all want me to be one of you then I can be a ready made mom to begin producing a whole pack in my little womb.” Derek sighed and placed a hand on his forehead, after a moments silence I felt slightly ashamed of myself but thankfully for me Derek finished his calculations and so decided to break the silence. “Are you finished or do you wish to continue ranting?” I ground my teeth in irritation before gaining control. “I’m done.” “good.” He sighed as if considering again “I’d just like to state for the record Jess that nobody here thinks of you as merely a good opportunity to pass on our gene to the next generation and implying anything else is frankly rather insulting.” I wanted to frown at him but instead against my will I found myself feeling rather ashamed and I couldn’t even begin to think of a rebuke so I found myself mumbling, “sorry.” In a very sulky way. Silence again “I have something for you.” Derek said gently “It’s not my birthday for another month.” I said chewing on my thumb nail. “I know. It was intended to be for your birthday but I think now is a good time, I’m sure I can think of something else that’ll do for your birthday.” He said handing me a small black velvet box he had retrieved from his pocket. Tentatively I took the little box from him unwilling to raise my gaze to his eyes I focused on the little box in my hands. I slowly lifted the lid inside nestled against the cushion was a beautiful necklace a purple pendant on a long silver chain that sparkled in the sparse sunlight. “silver.” I managed to snap at him still keeping my eyes on the necklace unable to simply say thank you I liked it too much so I felt exposed and so I had to find fault. “platinum.” He said calmly “you always said you hated gold.” “Yeah I said that.” I said rubbing my hair nervously suddenly feeling very ashamed of myself for my defensiveness he was my Derek I didn’t need to be like that around him. I lifted the chain with trembling fingers and dangled it before me examining the pendant. “Amethyst.” “I thought it was your birth stone.” He said slightly sheepishly “the guy in the shop told me it was but I’ve looked it up and your birthdays in August but purples your favourite colour.” I smiled at the thought but directed my eyes back to the pendant I didn’t like the look in Derek’s eye. “Yeah, and what else.” “Moonstone it’s apparently another very feminine gem and to me it just you know seemed appropriate.” I nodded slightly as I rubbed my legs which were cramping in protest to being curled up underneath me for so long. “I know who you are Jessie and you do to you know you belong here with us.” ‘I Wish I did.” I whispered to the ground and as I finally gained the nerve to raise my eyes to him anything else I’d wanted to say died inside me and I ended up simply opening and closing my mouth several times with no sound emerging while Derek waited patiently not seeming at all perturbed by my sudden muteness. It suddenly struck me just say thank you that’ll work, just thank you. I lowered the chain and looked up at Derek I shuddered slightly before I could stop myself he was leaning in much closer than I remembered. “I…” suddenly my mind went blank as I looked into his eyes his irises had turned pure gold. My mind seemed to jam as very slowly he leaned in towards me placing a hand gently on the small of my back I knew my eyes must have widened. “There was something else I wanted to do for your birthday.” He said breathlessly he was so close to me now I could feel his breath blowing across my skin. He reached up with his free hand to push the loose strands of hair back behind my ears, “but now I don’t think I can wait.” He leaned forward across the tiny space separating us and very gently as if worried of startling me, he kissed me. Ironic considering how terrified I was by his gentle lips on mine. I sat frozen to shocked to know what to do, Derek was kissing me I didn’t have a clue as it was the protocol, did I push him away? scream? Bite him? Kiss him back a little voice whispered inside me I pushed it down no I wasn’t going to do that. But before I could recover enough to choose a suitable option my leg muscle painfully began to spasm. I pushed myself back from Derek’s gentle caresses gasping in pain. I looked to my best friend for help for a split second all his face registered was pain, pure pain tinged with anger flashed through the gold of his irises. But the pain controlled me so that I was more concerned by that than I was for my friend as the pain began to ripple up my torso and shoot through my shoulders and arms. Derek was half way towards standing when he stopped noticing what was wrong. “Jessie.” He said dropping to his knees next to me he tried to scoop me up into his arms but I couldn’t stop writhing and some sort of instinct took over me and I snarled at him in a threat. He gently placed me back on the ground not seeming bothered by my growl, he huddled close as I wined at the pain. “It’s going to be alright.” he whispered. “It hurts.” I whispered still writhing in the pain rippling through me “it hurts me.” “I know.” Derek whispered brushing the hair from my sweaty face “but your strong. Your strong. It will be alright I promise.” Derek had said that word and he meant it but for once I didn’t believe him. I tried to focus on him and hence block out the pain that was consuming my entire body. The passage of time became irrelevant as the pain obscured everything else. It felt as if bones were snapping twisting as if my skin was stretching and twisting to the point where it would soon tear. Derek’s voice and presence faded into obscurity, though I did at one time hear what sounded like him shouting which even in this state vaguely sparked my interest, there was obviously someone else there he didn’t raise his voice to me I could count on one hand the number of times he had raised his voice to me and he always apologised after despite the fact that I yelled at him several times a week. The pain seemed to slowly recede, too slowly but eventually I became able to breath again. I lay still on the grass eyes closed afraid to open my eyes terrified any movement would trigger the pain again. I heard a growl from beside me and felt the ground beneath me ripple from it. I knew instantly who that was; to me his growl was as individual as his voice. If I could have I would have smiled I lifted my head slightly and opened my eyes. I instantly blinked which didn’t work but I still tried a few more times. This was strange I had been told what the experience was like of course but that can never explain the actual experience. I blinked one more time trying to sort my vision it was clearer yet somehow it was wrong, skewed the lines were sharp but the colours were wrong some were muted and others seemed bright almost to the point of being painful to look at. Derek loomed over me and butted my shoulder playfully. I snarled playfully back I had known from the second my legs had started to spasm what was occurring but I hadn’t dared to hope for a long time and now here I was finally I had my first shift. I felt footsteps vibrating through the ground towards me they were a long way off yet but my enhanced senses instantly picked up on them. Not yet I’d waited a long time for this. I tentatively pushed myself up to my feet feeling my legs tremble beneath me unsteady as I stretched myself out savouring my new form, delighting in feeling my new lean body respond to me. It was strange this body was a form I had never been before but for some reason this felt right as if it fitted. I was instantly knocked from this comforting thought as I endured a rather embarrassing tumble as Derek butted me again clearly a ‘you did it’ gesture. I rolled over onto my feet normally this would had been followed by a haughty stomping off but I actually just enjoyed stretching and rolling exploring my new bodies graceful moments. I jumped back more to play than anything else. Derek pointed his nose towards the house I turned significantly the other way, Damn the protocol. Derek growled low in his throat but I simply twitched if he wanted me to follow protocol he would have to catch me and feeling right in my new shape I barked at Derek and bounded off as a large lightly coloured wolf closely followed by four legged Derek who growled at me in irritation as if I was an over excited cub. Derek’s immense wolf form blurred out in front of me blocking my path to my surprise as much as his I found my lips peeling back and a growl escaping my throat. He snorted as if my growl was the same as toddler stamping their foot. I felt my eyes narrow as he butted my flank trying to heard me towards the house. I stumbled indignantly this form may belong to me but it seems co-ordinating myself in wolf form may take a little while to perfect. That in my mind was all I was trying to do but Derek was following his bloody protocol. I knew the procedure but if he’d been forced to wait until he was eighteen for his first shift he’d understand and yes I was having a few co-ordination issues an my muscles ached a little and I had a few bumps and grazes but I’d live and now I just wanted to revel in being me for the first time. Darius always said that the animal within us was initially triggered by strong emotions and so emotions ruled our wolves. So if we became a wolf through anger our wolf was angry if we were a wolf from fear our wolf would be afraid. It was said until you have control of the change and could adopt your form only because you wished it; the emotions that triggered your beast would rule it. We are still us of course but the wolves exemplify it allowing us to take the action we couldn’t do as a human. So until we could control ourselves protocol was we remain restrained when we shifted. Derek growled lightly butting me again I growled and tried to jump around him but Derek more practiced than me struck out his teeth grabbing the scruff of my neck I narrowed my eyes squirming indignantly but Derek held me firmly, giving me a rough shake. But before I could free myself (which I of course would figure out how to at any minute), I heard a loud pop. I turned round to growl but my eyes could only register black and I felt my form fall to the ground and everything went very fuzzy. I just laid there feeling myself being hoisted up glad i was falling asleep as I wanted to cringe from embarrassment. I’d been sedated because I’d tried to run off they’d caught me and shot me with a tranquilizer dark like I was a wild animal and I hadn’t even noticed them sneaking up on me, so much for enhancing my senses. I heard Darius shouting instructions and Derek responding his voice croaky though my fogged brain couldn’t process this noise into coherent words. But as I finally succumbed to the drugs speeding through me I couldn’t help but a smile a little inside. I’d done it I’d shifted and all it took was for my best friend to kiss me.