A Little Bit Married

Thoughts About You

His brows slightly furrowed with my question, and he opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again, his eyes darting across both of mine.

We stared at each other, tension filling the room with that one question, my hand still resting on his shoulder. He nit down on his lips and averted my gaze, his eyes falling to the floor, his bottom lips sucked in between his teeth.

I hated having to spring this question up to him now when he had such a long day, but to be honest, I just wanted to be clear.

We often spoke like this would be forever. Would it be forever? I no longer even had a life outside the one I had built here, and if one day he decided he didn't want this anymore, I would be left out in the cold with nothing. Not even a life or an identity.

"I..." He said, then slowly raised his eyes to me. "I was hoping it would be for a while."

I swallowed. "A while? How long would that be?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, Angeline. I am not looking forward to it."

I nodded. "Me too."

His eyes immediately lightened up, and he kissed my collar bone again. "Forget about it, then. For me."

We were both such unrepentant cowards, and we would rather say things like these and be stuck at the hip than just admit what we felt for each other.

He slowly moved away from me and went to the oven. The timer went off, and he wore a pair of plastic gloves before opening the oven.

The pie had come out absolutely perfect, and he looked up to me, a big smile on his lips.

"f**k, it smells so perfect."

He chuckled as he loved around and took a seat, and I immediately joined him, sitting right next to him, my eyes fixed on the pie, my body eager.

He fetched a slice and put it on a plate for me before he leaned away and served himself.

"One minute," he said, then stood up again and walked to the mini bar. He walked back with a fruity variation of the wine we had just had, and he opened it, filled our glasses halfway, and raised his glass.

I smiled, then leaned forward, clinking my glass with his, my eyes meeting his.

"Bon Appetit," he said, then turned away to his plate.

I took a fork and brought it to my lips, and I immediately sighed, leaning back, my eyes closing.

"This is heaven!" I screamed, my eyes wide. "f**k, how did you get so good at this?"

He smiled. "My mum cooked it a lot. After she passed on, I had her recipe book."

I sighed. "Damn. Bless her hands and her heart."

He smiled at my enthusiasm, then helped me to another slice. "I will pack away the rest for you."

"Yes, please," I said, and we both broke into a laugh.

We went back to eating slowly. Gray finished before me, and he leaned back on his seat, sipping his wine slowly, his eyes boring into my skin.

I turned to him a few times, but he didn't look any, and I sighed, resigning to my fate as I ate. I soon finished, then turned to him, my eyes meeting his unblinking ones.

"Is there something you want to say?"

He shook his head. "I am just watching you."

I raised a brow. "Why? I probably look like a..."

He suddenly pulled my seat towards him, his hands going on either side of the seat, trapping me with no way out.

His body leaned towards me, his eyes piercing mine, his lips slightly parted.

"Is... Is there something wrong?"

He smiled and leaned even closer, then slowly kissed the edge of my lips. I closed my eyes, my heart skipping rapid beats, my heart expanding so much that it became a little too big for my chest.

"I lied to you," he said suddenly as he leaned away, his eyes darting across both of mine.

"About what?" I asked my voice low.

"About how much longer I wanted you to stay with me."

I swallowed. "Do you want me to leave soon?"

He shook his head. "I want you to stay forever."

My eyes slightly widened, and he slowly leaned away, his hands resting on his thighs, his eyes holding mine.

Silence fell between us, and I swallowed hard. My emotions were all over the place, combined with the tipsiness I felt, it was bound to be a f*****g disaster.

He looked up to meet my eyes, and even though he looked like he wanted to day something, he shook his head and looked away again, his ears tinted a bright red.

"I..." He started to day, but then trailed off again. "I am probably saying this because I am drunk, but.."

"Don't say things you do not mean, Gray."

He looked up at me, and I immediately turned away and got out of my seat. I started to walk past him, intending to go up and pro a ly cry myself to sleep because I was hearing words that I wanted to hear just because he wasn't sober.

His hand suddenly wrapped around mine, stopping me from leaving. I tried to yank my hand away, but his grip was tight, strong, intentional, like he fully intended to hold me back, unlike how easy it had been for me to yank my hand away from Kevin's after every single argument. It put them in such sharp contrast that it only made my heart hurt more that Gray was saying these words to me only because he was drunk. Just because he was drunk.

Nothing else.

Not because he meant them but because his senses were impaired. Because he couldn't consciously decide against leading me on. Be Use he couldn't stop himself from giving me false hope.

"Let me go, Gray."

"That is exactly what I told myself too, Evangeline. Let her go. Gray, she doesn't deserve this mess. She is far too innocent for you. She is far too pure for you. You have blood on your hands. She only knows flowers. You have been to prison, she has only seen art and sunsets and things as beautiful as her. Just because that bastard broke her heart... it doesn't make her just like you. That is what I told myself, too."

I turned to him, ready to hell and ask jim who he thought he was to make that decision for me. I have seen hell tpo, and I was willing to do it again with him. I have been ruined before, and I am willing to do it all over again for him.

I stopped, however, the words dying on my throat. He looked sober, his eyes filled with tears, his lips parted. He looked completely vulnerable and oire that it made me want to just hug him and forget about everything I wanted to say, everything that didn't sit right with me.

"But I really don't want to, Angeline. I want to..." He swallowed, his eyes falling to his hand, his lips parted. I caught a tear fall to his hand, the drop glistening in the light before it shattered against his skin, opening up in tiny spectrums of colours before disappearing.

"Gray."

"I want to renew my vows to you, Angeline. I want to see you in red again. I want to lace my hands in your hair. I want to make you happy. I want to do all of the things no one else has done. I want to bring you flowers. I want to hold your hand. I want the slow, beautiful romance. I want to..."

He closed his eyes, his chest heaving. "Yet... this is it. Every time you hug me, I know you deserve much better. Anytime you snile at me, I wonder who would be the one you choose in the end. I keep being in my thoughts about you, wondering if you are slipping away, if I am running out of time. I keep trying to get away for you, but this life keeps pulling me back in, leeping me spell bound, keeping me prisoner. But all I want to truly do is.. be right here. With you.."

I felt tears fill my eyes too, my chest heaving, my lips parting. I took a step closer to him, and he swallowed hard, his eyes slowly meeting mine. He looked very unsure, very wary, and I hated that I hadn't even picked up on the fact that he felt that way.

"Gray," I said, cupping his face in my hands, my eyes darting across both of his.

"I am in love with you, Angeline. I love you."