A Little Bit Married

Stay With Me

My eyelids fluttered open, and I slowly turned, my lips parting. I felt weak to the bone, and my body felt like it didn't quote belong to me anymore. I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw was the sunset.

The drapes were pulled apart, and the sun was setting into a pretty deep orange, immune to everything else. I let out a shaky breath, then turned to my right.

This was most certainly not my bedroom. Certainly not the room I shared with Gray. It had plain colours and looked rather cold and formal, unlike the warmth of Gray's room. This felt like a complete stranger. My eyes roamed the room a little more, and I started to pick up on the clues.

The sparse furnishing, the dull coloured drapes, the tubes in my hand, the bed... I was in a hospital.

I turned to my right again, letting my eyes go all the way, and that was when I saw him. Gray was sitting on the cold seat close to the bed instead of the couch, his hand resting on the drawer next to the seat, his hand folded into a soft fist that he used for a pillow.

I watched him, unable to bring myself to turn away. He wasn't wearing a coat anymore, and his hair was as dishevelled as I remember it. He also had a large bandage on the left side of his neck, the one he was leaning away from.

I slowly sat up, ignoring the sudden light-headedness and the weakness I felt. I reached my hand to his hair and gently pushed a few strands back, then let my fingers trace down his hair.

My hand fell down, and I brought it to rest on my thigh, my mind reeling with self loathe. Now that I could remember all of the reasons why I had blocked out everything from my childhood up until my mum died, it felt... weird.

I felt dirty. Like all of those dirty things that I had witnessed from inside that closet had somehow stained my mind and my body. Like my soul was somehow sold on the things my mother has done, and I was suddenly unworthy.

I turned to Gray. Would he really want to be associated with a woman whose mother did things like that? Would he really want someone who was so...

I shook my head and turned away, my heart thumping hard in my chest. I hated that this had to resurface right now and cause me to struggle to accept a love that I would have otherwise convinced myself belonged to me.

Now I am sitting here, and I am second-guessing myself and wondering if I would be worth it to Gray. If Gray would want the stains on me.

I leaned back on the bed, my eyes staring off at the sunset. Would he really see me the same after this? Would he really see me as just the woman that he had spent the past months with, and done so many things together, over the one that used to watch all of that from a closet?

"Evangeline?"

I turned sharply to the sound of his voice, my anxiety and excitement struggling to take control.

He was sitting up, his eyes wide, the hand that he had been sleeping on now dangling off the edge of the drawer.

"G... Gray."

He gave a big sigh of relief as he stood up, covered the shirt distance and wrapped his hand around my head, bringing my face to rest on his stomach, his spare hand running down my back.

I closed my eyes, my hands reaching up to wrap around his waist too, my heart threatening to explode. I was far better before I remembered who I was. I was far better before the stigma of being my mother's daughter came right back to me.

"f**k, I am grateful. I am so sorry, I should have gone in there with you. I am..."

"Thank you," I whispered, my hand tightening around his waist. "You still came."

He slowly leaned away, cupping my face with both hands, his eyes watching me. "Does anything hurt? Are you completely okay? Is there something you want?"

My eyes darted slowly across both of his, my chest clamping down on my heart, my body leaning into him far more than my mind wanted to allow.

I leaned slowly, placing a slow, sad kiss on his lips. I leaned away, my eyes opening. He took a bit more time to open his eyes, but once he did, he had the prettiest smile deep in those colours, his thumb running down my face.

"Were you scared?" I asked, my voice low, my hand coming up to hold his arm.

"You have no idea. You passed out in my arms, and... I went crazy."

I gave a small smile, and he leaned in, kissing my forehead, my eyes, the bridge of my nose, the top of my nose, my cheeks, the edge of my lips, and just any other space he could find.

It would break me to bring him into the mud my mum created around my name. I would hate the world if I lose this because of what my mum used to be.

He leaned away, then gently caressed my face, his eyes full of relief.

"I will bring you some food and..."

"Just stay with me for now," I said, wrapping my hands around him tight. "I will eat later."

I expected him to insist. It was, after all, food. He surprisingly didn't, and without a word, he brought me back to rest on his stomach again, his fingers running through my hair, his warmth engulfing me.

He bent down to my height once and placed a kiss on the edge of my neck, before leaning away again, leaving me filled with a sense of dread for when all of this could come to an end.