A Little Bit Married

Don't Fall In Love With Me

His eyes took on a deeper expression, and he raised a small brow and slightly tilted his head to the right, a small, gentle smile playing on the corner of his lips. I expected him to say something, but he just stared at me like that, his breaths soft, his gaze even softer.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked when he wouldn't say anything, and the wheels in my head kept running around, picking up stupid little things that I could have done wrong.

He slowly moved, then rested his hands back on the bed, his hair falling back, his eyes now a little serious. I bit down on my lips, a lump rising in my throat as I tried to hide how nervous I was.

"Gray."

"Don't fall in love with me, Angeline," he said slowly, his voice low. "You can bet all the odds against me being the sort of man you would want to fall in love with."

My lips parted, and I blinked rapidly, turning away from his bittersweet gaze.

"I just..." I trailed off, then sighed. "I am not in love with you. I just... don't think you are a bad person."

"You are thinking wrong, sweetheart. You do not know me just yet."

"Will you let me know you, then?"

He immediately shook his head. "I prefer having at least someone who looks at me through rose coloured glasses still."

"Is this still about your parents?"

He let out a sigh, his eyes closing. I could see that I had pushed it a bit now, and I immediately leaned to him, my hands reaching out to him.

Before I could reach him, he moved, his eyes opening, and he turned to me, his brows drawn.

"Gray."

"What are you doing?"

I looked down at my hands, then slowly shook my head and leaned away, putting a respectful distance between us.

"I am sorry. I am sorry, Gray. I was just worried I overstepped by asking about your parents and..." I trailed off again, and he slowly adjusted, his eyes averting mine.

We went silent for a long while, and I regretted coming up with the entire thing. I should have just gone with the flow. I shouldn't have let my feelings take control. I shouldn't have said anything.

"You don't believe my gun is solely for protection, do you?"

I turned to him, but he wasn't looking at me, his eyes fixed on the distant wall, his hands resting back on the bed.

"Gray."

"Did you believe me?"

I nodded slowly. "I... I have no reason to believe you are lying. I have never seen you use it and..."

"I have," he said simply, then slowly met my eyes.

For a long while, silence reigned on us, and despite how delicious that pasta smelled, I could barely register it right now.

"You..."

"I killed a man," he said simply, then turned away and raked his fingers through his hair. "And if he came in from of me right now, I would do it again with no regrets."

He sounded nothing like the Gray I have admittedly grown fond of. Nothing like the man I have come to depend on so much.

My heart broke with the prospect of him saying this just so he could push me away, and the back of my eyes stung like crazy. I blinked hard, but the tears overpowered me, and they came running down my cheeks in slow torrents.

"Are you... are you saying this to push me away?"

He shrugged. "If that is what happens, then so be it."

My heart shattered, and I swallowed hard, my lips lightly quivering. I couldn't bring myself to cry in front of him like some lovelorn i***t, so I mumbled a few words to excuse myself, and started to get off the bed.

Just when I had gotten to the edge, his hand came to gently rest on mine, and the warmth immediately flooded my nerves. I hated how my heart seemed to fix itself just a little bit.

I turned to him, and his eyes were slightly big, a dent pierced through the cold armour he had on earlier.

"There is no one who makes me hope that they would stay like you do, Angeline. But I might be someone you don't even know, and I would rather see this disappointment now than the hatred later, "

I couldn't bring myself to say something, and he slowly let my hand go, his eyes still holding mine. I turned away, the tears still stinging my eyes. There was no way I could go back.

I turned and headed towards the bathroom, closing myself in as my back leaned on the door. My hand came over my mouth, and it took all I had in me not to yell.

Thing is, I didn't even know what I wanted. Was I hoping that he was just joking? What do I want? For him to say yes to me? I haven't even asked him anything.

I felt like such a fool, yet I was so f*****g hurt. I felt wounded, like I probably should have felt when I found out Kevin was cheating on me.

Thing is, maybe, subconsciously, a little part of me hadn't quite believed the lofty daydream of us ending up together. Maybe a part of me knew it wouldn't happen. That we weren't endgame.

That just made me even more confused. Why was I feeling so hurt because of Gray who... by all means, was an even more inaccessible dream?

He was ten times the man Kevin probably could have been had he lived a century longer, so why did my foolish self conceive the idea that he could be.... mine?

I looked down at my finger. Was it because of this ring? Because we shared a bed? Because he looked at me like...

I sighed, closing my eyes. He looked at me like that. Like I was beautiful. Like he could... love me.

It broke my heart even more, and I sank to the floor, my chest heaving with even more tears, my teeth clenched together.