A Little Bit Married

Kindness

A smile curled up on my lips, and I turned to him, his breath hot against my face, his hand slowly caressing down my arm. I felt my heart skip a few beats, and I swallowed hard, my chest heaving hard as I tried my hardest to keep myself composed.

He seemed to have realized just how hard I was trying to hold on to the reins of control, and he gave a small, devilishly beautiful smile.

"I like this look on you."

I bit down on my lips. "What look?"

"That look when you try desperately not to let yourself go, but we both know that if this was a more private setting, you would without thinking twice."

I broke into a laugh, but not even that was good enough for the web of enchantment between us to break.

"You think you know me so well, huh?"

He chuckled, then slowly pulled at the sleeve of my dress, his eyes moving to it, before darting back to maintain eye contact with me.

"Is there a layer you are challenging me to peel off?"

"Could be. Who knows?"

He smiled again, his eyes darkening with the thrill of a potential challenge. "You are one naughty little vixen, aren't you?"

I laughed again. "Is is subscription only. The rest of it."

He raised a brow. "Where I swipe my card?"

I laughed, raising my left hand and pointing to the large diamond ring. "You already did."

He laughed, nodding slowly. "Well, I look forward to unlocking it then, huh?"

I nodded, and he smiled, turning away, a small breath escaping him.

"You are such a pretty distraction from this mess."

I took in a deep breath. "It will be fine, Gray. You are strong. I know you will be fine."

He turned to me, smiling a little. "What did you say his name was?"

"Kris," I said, resting my hand on his thigh. "With a K."

"That's peculiar. He told you that?"

I nodded, and he gave a small smile. He sighed and turned away, his eyes staring off to the passing people around us, all living different lives that we would probably never know about.

"I am scared, Angeline. What if this isn't what I want? What if I end up hurting him? What if I end up not being a good enough father? "

I rubbed his back gently. "Everyone just kind of goes with the flow, you know. Children are humans, too. The best thing, the best way to be a parent is to be kind. The best way to treat your child is to treat them the same way you want to be treated. With kindness."

He met my eyes, then broke into a small laugh. "I find it extremely strange how some time ago, I didn't even know you. Now, I am wondering what I would be doing without you."

I chuckled, tilting my head. "That's the perfect genie right there."

He laughed, then slowly nodded. "What did he say when you told him you were his mum?"

I shrugged. "He looked extremely happy, Gray. He has never had anyone to call mum. He hugged me back when I hugged him, and when I asked him what flavour he wanted, he said he wanted mum."

Gray nodded slowly. "Do you think he would be that receptive to dad, too?"

"I bet he would be extremely happy with it. Going from no parents to having both... even for someone like me, it would be a blessing."

Gray raised a brow. "Someone like you?"

I nodded, laughing. "Yeah, my mother was... well, not the very best. She had a way with words that just cut deep, and for the first few years ever since I became fully aware, you know, sixteen, older, I just felt... so wronged. Constantly. I felt like I was wearing heels and walking on thin ice. I felt like I was dancing ballet in a room layered with eggshells. I hated every minute. When she passed away, however, I still begged for one more second. Even if she would be yelling. Even if she would scream that she should have aborted me, I still wanted a chance. I don't believe it would be any different in a three year old."

Gray watched me silently, his eyes soft. "I am sorry about your mum."

"It's been a while since she died, so..."

"No," he said, his voice firm. "I am sorry about the way she treated you. You didn't deserve that."

I bit down on my lips. "I don't think it was that bad, to be honest. She just..."

"Treated you unkindly. It must have been exhausting, and I am sorry. My condolences, too."

I broke into a laugh. "I am fine. The only thing I got from that was that I wanted to be different to my kids if I ever had any. I wanted my kids to know they could reach for the stars, and mummy would be waiting down, cheering them on. I wanted them to know that if they ever made a mistake, failed, went wrong, they could always come back right to me. Mum would love them when they did not know how to love themselves."

Gray watched me for the longest time, then broke into a small smile. "I could hear you talk about this all day."

"Well, can I go on, then?"

He laughed, then nodded. "I am listening."

I took in a deep breath. "You know... when I was in college, I got a pregnancy scare. It was crazy cause I haven't even had s*x, just a couple of intense kisses, and somehow, I internalized it that I was pregnant because of a pain in my left aide qhere the uterus is. I was way too scared to even tell my mother about the pain and risk her finding out because I knew how bad it would be. When I knew for sure that I was not pregnant, I still kept the pain away from her because I was already ao used to her trying to one up me whenever I complained about something. It mostly went like me telling her I have a stomach ache and then having to sit through thirty minutes of her complaining about a stomach ache that I was lucky to not have," I said, laughing, flipping two quotes with my fingers in the air.

He smiled, shaking his head. "What was the pain in your side?"

"It was an infection in my colon. It took me fainting in class and being rushed to the ER for it to be discovered."

"Why didn't you just... go to a hospital?"

"She knew everywhere I went, and I didn't know how to explain it if she found out."

"Your dad?"

"He was a very quiet man, rarely ever involving himself in anything. That was a pointless endeavour."

Gray gave a small sigh. "I am sorry."

"I am fine now. I just... after that, I just sort of made it a goal. The first person my child would want to run to is me. For whatever reason. Even if she gets a pregnancy scare, I wanted her to be able to come to me. Even if my boy got a girl pregnant, I wanted him to be able to come to me. For whatever. I would prefer that I help them through if, rather than have them tey to figure life out for themselves. It's so freaking hard living every single day already, I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be one of those things that made their lives even harder."

Gray leaned a little closer, his hand gently taking mine in, his other hand cupping my cheek.

"Tell me when you get tired," he said in a low voice, his eyes searching mine. "Tell me everything you need me to do, all the help you need me to hire for you. Tell me when you want to be alone. Tell me when you don't want to be a mum. Tell me everything."

I nodded. "Are you going to take him in?"

"We will see," he said, his hand gently squeezing mine. "I don't want you cleaning up after him.or anything, so I will get a ..."

"How hard is a three year old?"

"No, Angeline. You are only going to burn yourself out, taking up each and every burden on yourself. I am going to be as involved as possible, and you won't have to do everything alone."

I smiled, nodding. "It is already a lot for me that you want to take him in. Thank you so much, Gray."

He leaned forward, his lips touching mine in the slightest way, his hand cupping the nape of my neck. "No, thank you, princess."