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The first night it happened was the most horrifying. Totally unaware of what lay ahead of me, I’d chosen a porno movie, arranged the bedside table with some lubricating cream, my favourite dildo, and a bottle of wine. I’d stripped, fluffed up the pillows, and lay back to enjoy a night of m**********n. I desperately needed to release some tension and that’s how I planned to go about it. With my thumb on the fast forward, I edited out the previews and settled down to watch. I didn’t usually smoke in bed, but decided after my stressful week I could do whatever I damn well pleased. Drinking and smoking went so well together. I loved it, even though I knew it was bad for my health. I was watching the smoke curl up, evaporating before it hit the ceiling, when I noticed it wafting to one side