Starting over

Chapter 6: The vote

Chapter 6

Nova

We're in the locker room right now, Katie, Paisley and me. And of course, the rest of the girls in the cheerleader group. There are just as many boys as girls, so we've all been assigned a partner to work with when we are supposed to be carried up and things like that, but if some of us are supposed to fly in the air, of course the boys help each other. Some people can have these thoughts about manly cheerleaders and think they're all gay. But that's not the truth. I mean yeah there's about three gay boys in our group, but the rest of them are straight. Two of them are even together with two of the cheerleader girls. I hate this fast judgment some people can throw out of themselves. People need to be less judgmental.

I put on the black shorts and pull the golden crop top over my head. On the sides of the shorts there are golden glittery straps and in the middle of the shirt there is a black glittery swan.

The boys have similar clothes, only they have much larger shorts and a t-shirt instead of a crop top. And they don't have glitter, they just have golden straps on their shorts and a black swan.

"All done?" Katie asks as I close my locker with my things in it.

I sigh and nod. It's not like it's our very first cheer practice, but every time I walk into the practice, I feel something heavy on my shoulders and a knot in my stomach. I feel physically sick about this. It's not that I don't like cheering because I do. I always did. Otherwise I never would’ve become a cheerleader in high school in the first place. But I swore to never be a cheerleader ever again, after what happened, and I think that’s one of the things that holds me back.

Today we're actually supposed to vote for a new leader. Our former leader graduated before we started here, but she has been here and taking care of us, now she can't anymore and told us to write the name of the one we think should be captain on a piece of paper. She came in here and took our votes a while ago.

"Who do you think will be our new captain?" Paisley says.

"Probably Arianna, she's a senior", Katie says.

"Well Eric too", I state.

"Eh so what? They'll probably end up being captains together since they are together", Katie giggles.

We walk into the gym to find almost everyone there. Everyone hasn't arrived yet though. While waiting for everyone to arrive, Paisley, Katie and I start to stretch. It's very important to stretch, or else you can hurt yourself pretty bad.

When everyone has arrived, Michelle walks up to stand in front of us all. She's an elegant girl. She has her blond hair in an elegant and glossy knot at the back of her head. A long black flowing dress and black flat shoes.

She smiles at us. ”Okay, so I've been counting the votes, and I know who you all want as a captain", she says. "You wrote down the name and then a motivation to why, almost everyone has written the same name and same motivation". Oh. It's a good thing that the team is thinking the same, that's actually good. "And the motivation almost everyone wrote was following", Michelle says and reads from a paper. "I chose her because she's driven, always happy, she's a positive person and she wants everyone to succeed and helps out, she's a team player and she would be perfect", Michelle stops reading and looks at us. "Now I wrote this based on what everyone of you have written". She folds the papers and hold them down and looks at us with a big smile. "And the person I'm speaking of is", she says. "Nova Summers".

Everyone starts cheering and applauding. Paisley and Katie hugs me as they're cheering. But I just feel overwhelmed and dizzy.

"You're such a slut, why can't you just stand by that?" Alicia says in a mean voice.

Tears are flowing down my eyes and I have the biggest knot in my stomach and a burning in my throat. "I'm not Alicia", I say begging. "Please believe me".

"I'm not going to believe a w***e like you", she hisses at me. "And we've voted in the team, you're not our captain anymore, we can't have a w***e leading our team".

"I'm not a w***e! Would you just listen to me for one second?!" I scream, more tears flowing down my cheeks. "The rumors are not true! I don't know who spread that rumor but it's not true!"

"I've heard enough!" Alicia says as the rest of the team approach us, standing behind Alicia, arms crossed over their chests, evil expressions on their faces, boys and girls. "You're not a part of the team anymore, so get out of here".

"No! Not before you hear me out! Guys please I thought you knew me!" I say, looking pleading at everyone. No one wants to meet my eyes. "We've been here together since freshmen year; how can you believe a rumor instead of me?"

They're all looking at me. Some of them are starting to get different expressions, like they want to hear me out, but they don't say anything.

"Because we've always known what you really are", Brooklyn says and stand beside Alicia. "And now we know for sure".

"You don't know anything!" I yell.

Kelly takes two steps forwards and pushes me backwards, with such a force that I fall down on the floor.

"Now leave!" She says.

"Alicia..." I plead looking at the girl with golden blond and naturally curly hair, blue eyes and cute freckles. The girl I thought was my best friend.

She looks away.

"Just leave Nova", she says and walks away from me.

"I can't!" I say with a lump in my throat and stand up. "I can't be the captain".

Everyone falls silent and looks at me with big eyes.

"What?" Michelle says chocked.

"I can't", I say again, feeling how I'm shaking. "It has to be a mistake, I’m not captain material".

"I voted for you", a girl says.

"Me too", everyone else says.

"Everyone voted for you Nova, besides of course you, you voted for Arianna".

I stand still. Taking in what Michelle just said. I can't be a captain. I didn't even want to be in the team, and now they want me to be the captain of the team? No, I can't. I really can't. My old team kicked me out because they thought what they thought about me. I can't be a captain; it would only bring back too many bad memories. It didn't stop after they kicked me out. Alicia never spoke to me again, if not to tell me to piss off or say mean things to me. Everyone else said mean things too, and not mean like I'm stupid, they were saying really awful things to me. And I can never get them out of my head. I never got to tell my side of the story, everyone just believed the rumor, the easiest thing to do.

"I can't be captain I can't", I say with a shaky voice.

"Yes, you can", Paisley says.

"No! No, I can't!" I say.

"Nova you can have a day or two to decide", Michelle says and approaches me. "You don't have to make a decision right now".

She puts a hand on my shoulder, and I jerk. I thought she were going to push me. I don’t know why I thought that.

"I... Okay fine", I give in. But I know that I'm not going to change my answer. "I'm not feeling well, so I'll just go to my dorm room".

And with that I turn around to run towards the locker room. When I get into the locker room, I break down and start to cry. I fall down onto the floor, dissolved in tears. As I travel in and out of flashback and reality, I feel two pair of arms wrap around me and carry me up. After a while I feel that I'm lying on something soft. A bed. My hair is being stroked back; comforting words mumbles in my air.

I can't know if it is reality or if it is my flashbacks. I can't tell what's reality or what's the flashback. They both feel too real, too painful.

I thought that I could move on in life. I thought that with a fresh start I could forget. But I can't forget. Just because I'm in a new town, and because I have new people in my life, a fresh start, doesn't mean I'll forget my past. I was stupid to think so.

How am I going to stop the flashbacks from dictating my life? I know that I'm the only one who can make it better, but I don't know how. I don't know how. I just can't see how I can make it better. God I was so naive about having a fresh start. About trying to forget. Now I know better. I should've known better right from the start. I should've. As I close my eyes, I hear a faint voice whisper in my ear.

"When you're ready".