Expedition to the Unknown

Chapter 10

Claire looked out of her cabin window as another cramp ripped through her. She had been awake since dawn trying to come to grips with what lay in front of her on the bed. She stared out into the ever-brightening sky as the musical voices of dockworkers filtered into her room from her open window. Pregnant. Against all odds, she had been pregnant after all. She put her hand out and drew the b****y towel toward her. What would this child have meant? What choices would she have had to make?

Her mind careened back and forth between her career at Berkley and the vision of what it would have been like to see her child grow up. She was certain it would"ve been a boy, probably called Alex, because it was the name she had loved years ago when dreaming of having a family. Yet, her career at Berkley was all she had known since the doctors told her she would never get pregnant. What would she have done if she lost her teaching position? She"d seen it happen before. Women in the department took maternity leave and never came back. Sometimes it was their choice and sometimes it was the University"s because, yes, there were ways to get around the Family Leave Act.

And there would also be the looks she"d get from faculty, and the gossip. Although she never said anything, it was no secret Jason and she were not getting along near the end. Noah"s name would certainly be batted around at the water-cooler, and even though she had issues with him, he had been her husband once and she had loved him; snob and sexist though he was and continued to be.

Tears ran down her face. She leaned forward and gathered the b****y towel into her hands. Holding it, she imagined what he might have become. Would he have had his father"s square face and deep blue eyes or would he have had her high cheekbones and dimples? Would he have been tall like her father? Would he have followed in Jason"s footsteps or hers? So much she could never know.

Suddenly, a knock came to her door. It was Thad on the other side. “Claire, you awake?”

She carefully set the towel down and cleared her throat. “Yes, but I"m not dressed. What"s up?”

“Need to talk.”

“Can it wait?”

“Yeah, sure. You all right?”

“Ummm … yes. Just busy.”

“Okay, see you on deck?”

“Sure,” Claire muttered. She frowned, wanting to cocoon herself in her room, but it wasn"t possible, so she got up and threw her robe on. The storage room was ahead of Molly"s cabin down the passageway. Tiptoeing out of her room, she headed down to it. When she tried the door, it was locked. Damn it!

Damn it!Suddenly, she heard the sound of footsteps clicking down the passageway. She froze, turned toward the sound to see a tall man casting shadows and heading her way. Please, not him, not now.

Please, not him, not now.“Can help you?”

Claire blinked. Thank God, he wasn"t Owen. She composed herself as the crewman approached. “Yes, I need a towel.”

The man considered her a moment, then pulled a ring of keys from his pocket. “Did your room not have towel?” He said in a deep baritone voice.

Claire snugged her robe around her tight as she stood before the man. “Yes, but I also need one for my hair.”

His burnished, ebony face broke into a broad smile. “Of course. Long time since we have senhoritas on board.” His dark eyes glanced down her robe. “Did you hurt yourself? There is blood on your robe.”

Claire"s heart thumped. “No. I just nicked my leg shaving this morning.”

The man glanced at the pear-sized stain on her robe. Finally, he said, “Okay. Help self. I leave unlocked for other senhorita. When you done, shut door.”

“Obrigado.” Claire said, as he pulled the door open. She watched him turn and continue on down the passageway, then entered the small, cluttered room. The shelves were heaped with piles of sheets and large towels. She pulled a set of bedding down along with a bath sheet. As she did so, something deep inside her whispered, bury the child. The next thing she knew, she was searching for something suitable to put her unborn Alex in.

She pawed around the shelves. There were cleaning supplies, dirty rags, boxes of toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels. The only thing that came near to what she wanted was an old wooden cigar box on the top shelf. But it was too small and even if she could fit the towel in, she would not put Alex in a cigar box. There had to be something else. Ten minutes later, the contents of the shelves sat on the floor at her feet.

She sighed, and against her will, forced herself to pull the cigar box down off the shelf. Lifting the lid, she brought it up to her nose expecting the telltale scent of tobacco. Instead, she was surprised to find the fragrant scent of cedar.

She shut the lid, considering. She could make it work if she wanted to. If only "SAN MARTIN CIGARS" hadn"t been written over the front of it. But nothing else was available, so she picked up after herself, tucked the box under her arm, and went back to her room.

Thirty minutes later, Claire pushed through the Galley door into the noisy mess hall. Her team sat across the room apart from the ship"s crew. Owen"s men were sprinkled amongst the river-boaters, listening to the latest news traveling up and down the river while forking marinated fish, scrambled eggs and bun bread into their mouths. The aroma of brewed coffee permeated the room.

Claire wound her way through the scattered tables toward Thad, Jorge, and Molly. Thad looked up as she approached. “It"s about time; you almost missed chow.”

Claire sat gingerly, hoping her body wouldn"t betray her. “It"s okay, I"m not all that hungry.”

Knowing looks passed around the table between her team. “Where"s our fearless leader?”

“Haven"t seen him,” Molly said. She slugged down the rest of her coffee and stood. “I"m going for another refill. You want a cup?”

“I"d prefer tea,” Claire said, scanning the room. After Molly left, Thad leaned in toward her and whispered, “You feeling okay? You"re white as a sheet.”

“I"m fine,” Claire said.

Thad looked at her. “None of my business, but what went on last night? He was plenty pissed.”

“Was he?” Claire said quietly. She eyed Jorge typing on his laptop. “You online?”

“Yes.”

“How? We"re in the middle of no-where.”

“The boat has a transponder. I linked up with it,” Jorge said.

“Really?” Claire said, then glancing back at Thad, said, “Don"t worry. He"s just like Noah. All bark, no bite.”

Thad stared back. He didn"t look convinced.

Jorge shut his laptop and stood. “It rained hard last night. Going to be hot and sticky today. I think I"ll go into town. Get away from the bugs.”

“Mind if I borrow that?” Claire said, pointing to the laptop.

He shrugged. “Sure. The wireless is a little shaky, though.”

“That"s alright, just need to check something out.” To Thad she said, “Could you get me a couple eggs? Easy over with a little papa rellena on the side?”

Thad got up and stretched. “You want salsa?”

Claire shook her head. When Jorge handed her his laptop, she turned to him. “I"ll drop it off to your cabin when I"m done.”

When she was finally alone, Claire dragged the cursor over the search engine"s empty field and typed: "Iquitos cemeteries". As she sat waiting for the page to load, she darted her eyes back and forth between the screen, Thad, and Molly. Come on, hurry up! The screen flickered then loaded the page. More choices. She scrolled down the list, double clicked, and waited again. The page listing the AnaStahl Adventist cemetery came up just as Molly started back toward her. Memorizing the address, she closed the window.

Come on, hurry up!“Find what ya were looking for?” Owen said, sitting beside her with a mug of steaming tea.

Startled, Claire jerked back. “You mind not sneaking up on people?”

He pulled a candy bar from his shirt pocket and tore the wrapper off with his teeth. “Sorry "bout that.” “What happened to you, you look like hell,” Claire said.

“Long night. Ya don"t look so good yaself.”

She caught a whiff of his breath and wrinkled her nose. “Retreat into a bottle last night, did we?”

Owen"s eyes turned needle sharp. “Ya like a ill-humored snake, ya know that? I come down here ta make nice with ya, an" all ya can do is hiss at me!” He paused. “Well, let me ask ya something. What bug crawled up ya arse, eh?”

“Hey, Owen,” Molly said, returning. She set Claire"s tea in front of her.

Owen pushed his chair back and stood.

“It"s all right, I can sit over there,” Molly said.

Owen bit a large piece of his candy bar off. “Nah, that"s all right. I was just leaving.”

By the time Claire was finally able to sneak away into town, it was mid-afternoon. As she walked through the narrow streets, heading toward the hills, she thought about Owen"s biting remark. She probably deserved it, but then, she really didn"t care. He was nothing but a self-serving asshole whose whole world revolved around him. Well, her world was shitting on her pretty good too, and she was in no mood for the delicate ego of a man.

At length, she turned up the main avenue and headed north under the heat of the afternoon sun. Twenty minutes later, she came to a dirt lane that led to the gate of a small cemetery edging up to the forest. She trudged along it, and slipped silently inside the hallowed grounds, veering toward the trees. Here she found a secluded patch of grass. Pulling a small trowel from her backpack, she began digging. When she finished, she sat back on her heels and stared down at the little wooden box, thinking about Jason and all that had happened between them. She knew it was pointless, but she couldn"t help wondering how he would have reacted if he had known she was pregnant.

She knew the answer and it unsettled her to have thought about it. She put her fingers to her lips, kissed them and touched the box. At least, here in the cemetery, Alex wouldn"t be alone. Her throat tightened as she pushed the pile of dirt in over the box. Then closing her eyes, she recited the rosary. Though she hadn"t said it since she was fifteen, the words came easily. “Be at peace, little one,” she whispered placing a smooth stone over the plot. “And may the saints protect you.”