KALEN

Epilogue

T E S S A ' S P. O. V

It's been five years exactly and this day still haunts me.

I wake up in my Queen sized bed, feeling lonely and desolate as I'm curled up beneath the covers. I never knew how much sharing a bed with someone imprinted itself on your bed.

Four years, and I'm still sleeping on the right side of the bed because he loved the left. I'm still dangling off the edge, thinking he'll scoop me back into the middle. I still wear over sized shirts to bed, his overnight shirts, hoping to feel the warmth of his arms wrapped around me.

It's sick to dwell on the part so much. It prevents you from moving forward.

I think if it wasn't for Aurelia I would have been gone a long time ago. Ironic since suicide is something my mother considers a sin and to an extent I'm supposed to now that I'm a practising Catholic.

I don't, nor will I ever, because I understand how it someone can be driven to it.

When all hope and love and light is snatched away, you're left with only your own mind for company.

Those first few months were horrible. Then Aurelia was born and suddenly, I had something to live for again.

I attended church with my parents because it was a distraction from the pain, and in some way I found it freeing. One of the pastors inspired me to develop my faith further and help others.

I have money. Kalen made sure of it through his will, so I took to volunteering with my daughter strapped to my chest. Maybe I did it for a reminder of everything I have left, or maybe because she was everything I stand to lose in giving up life?

Either way, she saved me. Just like I saved her father.

"Mommy!" My five years old screams, jumping on top of me. I laugh whole heartedly, helping her onto the bed. She lies besides me, sucking on a lollipop I never said she could have.

"Aurelia, it's only eight o'clock. No sweets." As I try to take it, she pulls back.

"But it's daddy's favourite flavour. Blue sherbet. He would have wanted me to have it." I know I should be applaud she's using the anniversary of Kalen's death to eat sweets, but I love her too much to stay mad, especially today.

"Only one, go get ready for school." As she clambers over me, I quickly grab her arm.

"Wait, how you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I cried a little but I'll be better at school. I miss him." She whispers the last part so quietly it barely passes my ear.

I suppress my own tears because I know that will only make her feel bad. Aurelia's empathy extends far, she hates seeing others hurt but feels deeply for those who do.

"Me too, my little daisy." I hug her close. "Me too."

I smother her with kisses until she's pushing me away laughing, until I finally let her go. It takes so much effort to get out of bed, that most days I contemplate just lying here until the sun falls and the moon rises again.

"Hurry up mommy!" My daughter is such a stickler for time, I can't help but laugh and force myself out of bed.

We complete our routine. Get dressed, I tie Aurelia's hair into a braid, we eat pancakes loaded with syrup and then brush out teeth, the two of us trying to make the other laugh so hard all the toothpaste splutters out.

She wins this time.

I'm still wiping the toothpaste off the mirror when my phone buzzes. I already know what it says. Every year my mom sends a text about how proud she is of me for being a single mother and that she's always here if she needs me. It's sweet in concept but I don't think I can read this message again and again for another fifty years.

Moving to colarwdo meant I would be closer to my parents. I wanted their support, I wanted Aurelia to have her grandparents and since I've joined the church it's made our relationship closer.

But I also miss the Romanos. I miss my best friend. And Aurelia kisses her cousins and her grandparents, her Aunts and Uncles.

She finds happiness with them, I see her lacking here. It makes me contemplate moving to New York, but moving there also means facing so many demons I'm not ready to fight yet.

"Race you!" She screams, prying open the door before I even get the key out.

I laugh again, and again, and then cringe as she slips on the wet ground. I'm braced for tears, for proclamations that she can't possibly go to school now, but instead she just dusts off the dirt on her skirt and bounced happily towards the car.

She's so much like Kalen in that aspect. Everyone says she's just like me, a mini Tessa, my parents call her.

However they don't see the dark hue of her brown eyes that Kalen's. The oval shape of her lips with the fuller top than bottom that belong to him. The sharp angled jawline and the perfectly shaped brows that are all his.

They don't see her laugh at Tom and Jerry out loud the way he did even in his twenties. Or that Lucky charms are her favourite cereal just like his.

She's his mirror to me in every way.

"Come on mommy!" Her impatience is also very much his.

As we drive to school, she forces me to put on Taylor Swift. Now that passion she very much derived from me. We both scream the lyrics to Lover so loud we receive strange looks from passers-by in their cars.

I turn down the blasting music so we can walk. "What you got today my Daisy?"

"Art, sports, some counting and free play."

"Exciting." There are definitely days I wish I could revert back into my four year old self and just play all day.

"Are you going to church?"

"Later honey, I'm going to work first. Remember I have a new job today."

"Helping naughty kids."

"What? Aurelia no, where did you hear that from?"

"Grandma. She said they're really bad and if I go to Church every week I won't become naughty like them." Oh mom.

"Grandma says silly stuff sometimes. Don't listen to it. I'm helping kids who are troubled. They don't all have nice mommies and daddies, sometimes they don't even have a bedroom, so I go to work and I help them out. I give them food and clothes and we just talk about what they want to do, how I can help them."

"I don't have a daddy. Does that mean I have to go there too?"

"No Dais, that's not what I meant. Sometimes parents can be mean, sometimes they even hurt their children. I would never hurt you sweetheart, I promise you. These kids though, they need some extra help because their parents don't help them."

"You're like a superhero." I hear her giggle. My lips smile without me even realising it.

As I pull into the car park, I feel that familiar tug inside my chest. Don't let her go. Don't leave her. It's not safe.

Though I know I can't keep her cooped inside my arms forever, so I try to brace myself as she runs into class, sparing me a small wave. She loved school, I would never take that away from her.

There's always a chance though. Always a darkness that lingers close in her last name.

I wanted to give her mine, but part of me knew she would always be a Romano and I still kept my last name as well, wanting a piece of him with me always, just like the necklace around my neck that our weddings rings hung down off.

***

I'm practically running into the church, knowing I'm already late. The traffic was horrendous and I'm scared my kids will think I've abandoned them or something.

I haven't. I never would, but they're just starting to open up to me and being late could crush all of that.

"Ah!" I scream as hot coffee suddenly spills all over me. I can feel the hot liquid searing my skin as it burns through my shirt.

"f**k, f**k f*****g fuck." Swearing is my outlet, distracting me from the pain.

Papers fly everywhere, soaked in coffee as well. A man quickly grabs my arm, and I notice the now half empty Starbucks cup in his hand.

"We'll be a minute!" He calls to my kids that are sat there patiently and even flash me a few small smiles, some others laugh, which I'm glad about. I'd rather they laugh at me, than leave.

The strange man grips my wrist tight as he leads me into the men's bathroom. "Strip." He orders, before moving into one of the stalls.

I stand there, completely gobsmacked, and momentarily the burning subsides and then he emerges again, a roll of toilet paper in his hand.

He's blonde with the kind of green eyes that pierce your heart and weirdly attractive. I'm taken back for a minute, stunned, as I notice white collar around his neck and the premise were both in.

Fuck. Tessa no. The first man you find attractive cannot be a priest, in a church, on the anniversary of your husband's death.

"I thought I said strip." There's anger lacing his voice that makes me fumble with the buttons on my shirt. Suddenly the pain is back and I'm desperate to be rid of it.

I throw the stained white blouse on the floor, knowing no amount of detergent will ever remove it.

Now I'm standing here, half naked with my bra showing to a man I've never even met before. He rips off bits of toilet paper and wets it in the sink before reaching over to press it against my raw chest.

I stop him before his hands can touch my breasts. "I've got it." I fight a sigh of relief at the cooling sensation. "If you didn't run into me, this wouldn't have happened."

Weirdly, he doesn't stare at my breasts like most men would. Since pregnancy and breast feeding, they blew up, no longer the tiny peaches that Kalen said he loved.

Then I remember he's a priest. He probably abstains from s*x.

In a way, I guess I'm on my way too. I haven't had s*x in four years, nor have I missed it. Now this man was bringing those thoughts back to my mind.

No, Tessa. Snap the f**k out of it.

"If you weren't running like a mad man, then I would still have my coffee." He snaps back with equal vigour. "And my papers wouldn't be ruined."

"Who are you, I mean why are you here. I've booked the room until one."

"This is my church, and I was here because I wanted to meet you. People have been raving about how you've managed to transform the youth programme Denver, and I wanted to meet the person responsible, until she showed up twenty minutes late and crashed into me. Those papers were actually suggestions for your programme."

"Good job I ruined them then." He clenches his jaw, more anger than I've ever witnessed in a Priest. Normally they're joyous, smiling as they preach words of peace to us.

He's the antithesis.

Then I feel his gaze lower. "Excuse me! My eyes are up here."

"I wasn't staring at them." I glance down. Oh. "How long?"

"Four years." I almost feel robotic saying it, like stating a simple fact.

"It's been seven for me." I glance at his hand, and find the faint tan mark on his ring finger. He instinctively reaches down to twists the absent ring and then sighs. "Habit. I only took the ring off a few months ago. My mom said it was time and for once I agreed. It was cancer for me. What about you?"

"He was murdered. Mugged and shot in the street. I think because it was so sudden, so unexpected that it hit me harder. We had a baby on the way, a future that was snatched away within a second, and I watched it too. It's why I joined the church, found religion."

"After my wife died, I did the same. Well I mean I found alcoholism at first, and then drugs, anything that would numb the pain really."

"Then you realised you were wasting you life and found Catholicism."

He scoffs, leaning against the sink. "No. After my second stint in jail, I realised something needed to change and not for me, for my mom. She was crushed, screaming and crying for hours. It wouldn't stop until I said I would try. For her. I went to church. I listened and then I realised I could preach better than all of them out together, so I went to a college and got every material thing I needed to become a priest. I created this church, put every penny I had into it."

He smiled in pride, smacking the sturdy beams. "I found something to live for in helping others. Even if sometimes I sprout bullshit, it make others feel better."

"You believe in God though?"

"I believe in something. Whether it's an entity we call God, then so be it. I'll grab you a shirt." He leaves, returning minutes later with an oversized white shirt. "I am sorry. I can just be a bit of a jerk at times."

I quickly slip it on. The material smells like cologne, a smell I haven't worn for years. "Me too, and I'd really love to hear your suggestions."

He puts out his hand "Erik. I figured since you know my whole life story, you should probably know my name."

I fight a grin. "Tessa, nice to meet you. And you've seen my boobs so we're pretty much even."

"Well Tessa, shall we." I smile, walking through the door with Erik by my side.

***

"Erik! Stop!" Aurelia laughs as Erik continues his tickle onslaught. I'm biting my lip to suppress my own anger, whilst stirring the tomato sauce.

"Dinner." I spill the sauce onto heaps of spaghetti and Erik sets her down to help me carry over the plates.

"Smells beautiful." He brushes my lips, just as my daughter catches us.

"Ew no."

"I thought being eight now meant you were mature enough to see kissing." I quip to the birthday girl.

Aurelia's eyes light up at her favourite meal set before her, and I reach over to adjust the birthday crown. "Kissing is still gross."

I guess that was good. I didn't have to worry about romantic intentions concerning my daughter yet.

"My Daisy, all grown up." I kiss her head and this time she doesn't duck.

"I'm only eight mom."

"I remember when you were one, and all laughs and giggles. Seriously, it was weird. You barely ever cried." She's dubbed the happiest baby among the Romano clan. Kiara was envious, especially since Anastasia was so loud.

"Maybe I was just so happy I had the best mommy."

"Cute, but you're not getting a pony." Her compliments are so transparent.

She sighs, but grins eying her spaghetti. I feel Erik staring at me, so I turn to him unabashedly. "What?" I demand. He knows I hate this.

"Hello, are you broken? Do I need to exchange my new husband for a better one?" He grins and breaks his silence, catching my hand to kiss the top.

"I made a vow darling, can't get rid of me that easily." My hard resolve breaks at his lit up eyes and beautiful smile. I reach across the table and kiss him hard, ignoring my daughter groan in the background.

"And I don't want to. I love you too much to let you go."

"How did I get so lucky?" I grin as he kisses me again.

We signed the papers just last week with Kiara and Aaron as our witnesses.

Ever since he first asked me out for, only a few days after we met, I always felt soemthing special with him. Something that was undeniable.

It was different from Kalen. More tame and soft. It was a different form of love, one that was incomparable with the love I still have for Kalen, but still beautiful in its own way.

We didn't want to get married, but we're both catholics and him being a priest made it difficult. We faced a lot of controversy at first, and decided to share a long engagement before signing the papers.

Our parents wanted a wedding. We both already had one, and we didn't need another.

We had loved in the past so tragically it almost destroyed us, but somehow we found each other, we helped each other heal and together we were forging a new kind of peace our younger selves could never have envisioned.

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A/N: The end ??!!! Hope you guys enjoyed Kalen and Tessa's story, although I believe it was more of a credit to Tessa's journey!!

Thoughts on Erik??

On the ending??

On Aurelia??

Next up is KAI!!! It's a friends to lovers romance, definitely fast paced and she's a doctor ready to put Kai in his place!! I'm also going to uploading a new story as well as KAI, so make sure to follow my insta for more updates.

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