The Secret

3. Steve

SteveWednesday being at work without Dave was really odd. I was so used to him being beside me all day I didn’t quite know what to do with myself. Even the work I had to do wasn’t going really fast without his input, and I had no-one really to talk to because the others were busy. My other colleagues in our team, Greg and Simon, weren’t even around much because they were working on some big presentation of the project they had been working on. It was quiet, and I felt kind of lonely without my buddy even though the building was full of people. I couldn’t wait to get home and back to him. Even better, when I got home he’d been so bored he’d done all my laundry and cooked. He looked a bit embarrassed when I thanked him for sorting out my crusty sheets.

Thursday was a little better, partly because I was more used to it then, but probably more because I was looking forward to a night starting the birthday celebrations, followed by a three day weekend. By mid-afternoon though I just wanted to get out of there. I was stuck on something that was doing my head in too, and I knew if Dave was there he’d have known just what I was doing wrong in minutes. In his absence I needed to find Simon because he was the only other person I knew who could deal with this code easily. I figured he would still be in the meeting room with Greg setting up since the presentation was tomorrow.

It never occurred to me to knock, so I walked straight in and stopped dead in my tracks as the scene unfolded. Greg and Simon were so engrossed in each other they didn’t even notice my presence for a moment, and it was a moment that seemed etched on my retinas afterwards. Greg’s arms were around Simon, one hand in his hair as Simon’s head leaned back for the intense kiss they were involved in. Greg’s other hand was in the small of Simon’s back holding him close but not tight.

The air seemed thick with lust and passion, but then I was forgetting to breathe. I had never seen such an intense sight, or such a private moment between two people. In porn movies there’s often little or no preamble, but this was a promise, and an indication of so much more between them. I was getting hard just at the sight, and I couldn’t help imagining Dave and I in a similar situation. The sigh I let out at that thought made them notice me, and they hurriedly pulled apart.

‘Sorry.’ I somehow managed to get out. ‘I just needed some help for five minutes but you’re busy, so...’ My voice tailed off. Why did I mention them being busy? i***t.

Simon looked worried. ‘Look, um, we shouldn’t have been doing that here. We’d appreciate it if you’d keep it to yourself.’

I nodded. ‘Don’t worry. I haven’t got any problem with it, I was just really surprised. Are you two, err..’ I wasn’t doing very well on stringing a sentence together.

I saw the two of them share a look and smile at each other. Clearly the answer was yes, and their happiness shone out. I had another wistful moment wanting that sort of connection for myself.

Greg confirmed what I had already seen. ‘Yes, we’re dating. But we aren’t sure that some people here will receive it well so we’ve kept it to ourselves.’

‘Like I said, I’ve got no problem, and I won’t say anything. But you might want to cut out the major snogfests in the office. You might not be so lucky with who walks in on you next time!’ I grinned, and they smiled but looked a bit embarrassed. I was glad for the cover of humour because their display made me want to rush home right now and persuade Dave he wanted me too. ‘I’ll leave you to get back to the presentation.’

I headed out of the room and took a deep breath. Dear lord, please let that happen to me just once in my life. A kiss that could make me weak at the knees and probably want to drop to them as well. Maybe, just maybe, this episode would give me an opening with Dave to at least have a conversation, sound him out. Not tell him I was in love with him, but at least see what he thought.

By the time I had got home I realised I wasn’t going to have that conversation without some beer in me. Amazing what inhibitions alcohol destroys. Maybe even the one that stopped me kissing Dave and seeing how he reacted. I could blame it on the drink next day, or seeing that kiss, and perhaps things wouldn’t be weird. But I would still be mortified if he pushed me away. Right now I could always just hope that something might happen eventually, the reality that it wouldn’t might be too hard to take.

When I got home I found Dave had cooked again, and it was my favourite macaroni cheese. I moaned appreciatively at the creamy cheese sauce as I took my first mouthful. I know he liked the fact that I loved the food he made, and he blushed at the sound I made. We had a couple of beers at home and then headed down to our local to meet a few friends, but it was pretty quiet for them as most had to work the next day.

I didn’t have an opportunity to speak to him alone while we were out like that, but he must have noticed I was a bit quiet and distracted because he looked at me oddly a couple of times. I still couldn’t get the kiss I saw out of my head. Now that I had a bit more time to think about it, the fact that Simon and Greg were gay and I had no idea was also a bit odd. Simon was fairly new, but I’d been working with Greg as long as with Dave and it never even crossed my mind.

By the time Dave was ready to head back to our flat I had no idea how much I had drunk. As I stood up I instantly felt it and I wobbled over to him, smiling like a complete muppet. He smiled back, amused at my lack of co-ordination I guess. I resisted the urge to kiss him right then, and just slung my arm around his shoulder for support. I don’t quite know how, but despite me being a lot bigger than him he could certainly hold his drink better. He put his arm around my waist and steered me out of the pub and towards home.

I was definitely horny now, and kept running through my head ways of starting a conversation with him. Being this close, especially after today, was making matters worse and the combination of his body against mine making me tremble and my drunkenness making the world a bit wobbly meant I couldn’t concentrate on much apart from putting one foot in front of the other. At one point I stumbled and I gasped as he held me tighter to keep me from falling. His body was so warm and fitted so well against mine.

It must have taken us twice as long as usual to get home from the pub because I could not walk in a straight line, and Dave had to keep pulling me towards him so I would go the right way. Each time he did it my excitement at his closeness built. I was drunk enough that I stopped thinking about the bad things that might happen and just wanted to jump him to see what happened.

Thankfully before I could follow through on that thought we got home and he dumped me on the sofa and headed to make coffee. My side still felt warm from his body but I missed the connection the moment he untangled himself from me. I tried to follow him to the kitchen but couldn’t seem to stand, so I just sat on the sofa and giggled until he returned with a mug full of coffee and sat next to me, not close enough for my liking right then, there was air between us.

‘What’s with you tonight?’ he asked. ‘You’ve been quiet, and got way more pissed than usual.’

My drunken brain saw the opening I wanted. ‘Odd day. You’ll never guess what I walked in on at work.’

He looked like he was thinking about it, but didn’t have a serious answer. ‘Aliens have landed and taken over the boss’s body?’

I went to give him a half-hearted punch in the arm, but missed. ‘No, really happened, not a sci-fi plot. Although I’m still having trouble believing it and perhaps body-snatching was involved.’ I giggled, and watched Dave raise his eyebrows, I think at having weird conversations with his drunken mate.

‘So you saw someone snogging?’ he said, not seeming all that interested.

I thought about it for a moment and replied in a serious and sober voice that surprised even me. ‘They weren’t ‘snogging’. It was the most intense and passionate kiss I think I’ve ever seen.’

He looked slightly amused at my reply. ‘So your weird behaviour is mostly being horny after getting a live porn preview?’

I went red and he saw it because he started laughing. ‘I’m not horny,’ I muttered, but not wanting to look him in the eye while I said it in case my eyes betrayed me.

‘Looks like you are to me,’ he replied, and sweet jesus, he glanced at my crotch when he said it, didn’t he? ‘The gin real life must have been really hot.’

This time I did look straight at him because I wanted to see the reaction. ‘There wasn’t a gin real life there.’

The look was stunned. It took him a moment to recover, but he didn’t ask what I hoped he might given that he must have seen my c**k was rising at the memory. ‘Who? There’s no-one out at work that I know of.’

I felt smug now, and relieved that I wasn’t the only one being so dense either. ‘Greg and Simon.’

He managed to look even more stunned. ‘What? Really? As in Greg and Simon in our team?’ I nodded to confirm. ‘I had no idea.’ he trailed off as he said that, clearly thinking about something, probably working out what he’d not noticed.

‘Me neither. It’s made me wonder how thick I really am when it comes to these things. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate everyone I know in case I’ve missed it.

He went silent for a long moment. I thought I might have pushed this too far for him to be comfortable, and I wasn’t quite sure whether to tell him then or leave it now I had laid some groundwork. Then he raised his head and looked me straight in the eyes as he said quietly,

‘You should start with me.’