Where to go from here

Minnie's POV Sometimes, doing the jobs we don't want to, just to get to the places we want to be when we think that we are stuck in a hard place, can end up being incredibly hard and almost unbearable.. It can be one of the hardest trials of our lives, but we do what we have to just to survive and hopefully get out of the rut. For me, it really started years ago. It seemed like in the blink of an eye, there were stresses and devastation exploding all around me within my life. From a badly abusive man, I had to break-up with or die.. to some death in my family and even more unanticipated tragic deaths in my friend group, losing most of my friends in the process. It hit me incredibly hard, making me feel more alone than I ever thought I could. I was broken in every sense of the word, having a very hard time finding a reason to live for. Even with the therapy, I couldn't get past this, feeling like everything that happened was my fault. I would never let myself forget it either. That's sad to imagine, but I would like to think that everyone has been there at some point, feeling alone and guilty for how things have turned out, when it didn't go the way you wanted or planned. After so many attempts to fix this for my mind, and way too many failed attempts as a result. This whole ordeal ended up being absolutely igniting for the overwhelming needs and wants to just get out of this area any way I could. I needed not to think about all of the negativity my hometown brought to me every single day. So, on a whim because of an ad, I started being a traveling nurse, to hopefully fill in the hole of my lonely heart and to give me some purpose when I was feeling aimless in anything else I was doing. It worked for at least distracting me. This drastic career change took me to many states I always wanted to visit, allowing me to meet many people and make lots of friends with the crew I was assigned to travel with. We all got very close, which is implied by being in small quarters all day every day with the same people. So we ended up spending time partying when we had the time available to do so and inevitably building relationships. It was to the point that everyone dated each other to a certain degree, but the dating didn't ever turn into anything serious. I thought that dating someone with the same interests as me would build a different type of unspoken bond.. but no.. come to find out they only wanted flings and nothing more because they were traveling all over.. I can understand why, because it's hard to build any type of relationship with someone who is gone all the time.. But if we were traveling together, why not try? I never understood that part. But when it was understood by all that I worked with, that I wanted a relationship and not just one-night stands filled with loads of strange fun.. I was slowly pushed to the side by the men and women. Mostly because I found out the hard way that they all wanted the same thing as each other, just random uncomplicated sex.. so I slowly emerged into the strange one of the group, which was very hard being ostracized within this small group. But no matter what they think about me and what I want in life, I don't judge their decisions. They're just not my own.. I never thought having these wants and needs to have someone with me every day would make me into a pariah.. but it did. So, after years of this internal heartbreak, I took myself out of the heartbreaking situation before I was hurt worse. I was getting attached and seeing that none of them felt the same way while they were throwing me to the side to have anyone else that they could. It hurt very badly, to say the least.. so I took myself out of the heartbreaking situation.. I stopped right then and there, not caring where I was at, just wanting something different.. anything different. So I decided to quit traveling and get the first job I could, just to help me get away from these people and, I guess, go back home. But I was nowhere close to it, so I had to make the money needed to go back to my hometown again, I guess since I had nowhere else to go after this was done with. Luckily for me, I was instantly accepted into a job that was at a nursing home in this insanely busy place, better known as Florida. I was accepted without hesitation because of my nursing experience over the years of traveling that I did. This place is not where I wanted to stay, being from a small country town in Colorado and all.. So very different from what I was used to, but I couldn't let myself stay with those people any longer. Luckily for me, I was easily accepted into this job by the other young women around.. They were sweet and understanding and even let me stay with them. I got close to one particular girl. Her name is Marilyn. I wanted to do what I could to make and keep friends, so we started by going to bars together, even though I got the drinking and partying out of my system from the years of traveling. I didn't want to do that anymore, but I wanted to make friends.. Mary and I got closer than expected, spending nights talking and just hanging out any chance we could.. That's where I decided to be honest with her that I didn't want to party, I didn't even really like drinking anymore, let alone the party scene. I just wanted to save up enough money to get myself away from this place and probably home. What was a breath of fresh air was the fact that she felt the same about all the partying. She was starting to get over the scene.. and finally, someone understood my side of things. There was no judgment at all, and she promised never to coerce me to go out again. It's not like she went out all the time either, but every now and then she would,and what was sweet was that she would always extend an invitation my way so I knew I wasn't alone.. and if I shut it down, she would be fine with that. Every now and then, I would decide to join, but not many times at all. She turned into my closest friend and roommate without even realizing it since it was supposed to only be temporary. But I paid her for rent for years, and we did well with being each other's roommates, but I eventually wanted to be on my own. Nothing beats having your own space, doing what you want when you want in your own area. So after a year, I got my own place, in the same building and actually a couple of doors down from her.. and it was nice, but I was getting uneasy, having so much quiet and time alone.. I wanted my own space, but being with someone who is always loud is making my changes to a place that's quiet all the time, hard to deal with. But all of that changed in one single moment. I remember this moment like it was yesterday. I was walking home after a long shift. It was before I got my own car, but it was at the beginning of winter, so still tolerable enough to keep walking. There's nothing like Colorado this time of the year. So I was more than willing to walk because it saved me money and wasn't that bad for weather. This night was different. It was dark with no moon or stars in sight, just dark clouds covering the sky. It started to rain and, man, it was an incredibly cold rain.. one that when it hits your skin, you instantly freeze feeling like an ice cube has been dropped over your skin. And even the wind in this place is something else. It was making me colder than I ever thought. I held myself tight, rubbing my hands over my arms, just trying to get warm on this walk that seemed like it was taking forever. I'm almost to my apartment building when I see something outside of my peripherals. I quickly turned and looked, only to see a black blob about half a foot high in total.. maybe a little bigger.. I strained my eyes to try to see some details, but it was as if there were none there. I kept creeping closer until I saw the glaring of two eyes staring back at me. I was startled by that realization. This thing was small, but it started heading my way without hesitation. It wouldn't stop coming at me.. I backed away, not wanting this big rat or whatever it was, to get me.. but quickly figured out that it wasn't a rat.. But maybe a cat. The whimpers that emerged from this little thing are what instantly pulled on my heart strings, really getting my attention. I wanted to run, but who could, in good consciousness, when hearing something that needs you like that? So, against my street-smart judgment, I stopped and squatted down to see what this thing was and what it needed, especially since it was still whimpering at me while limping in my direction. It's too dark to see details no matter how close this little guy got. So I have to trust my gut and just pick up this animal that needs me, and head straight to the light. I groan out picking it up because it's all wet and cold, but who am I to judge? Because so am I. It doesn't fight my hold at all. It doesn't even seem scared or like it doesn't want me to touch it. So I just hold its shaking wet body to mine as I make it over to the next street light.. but by this time, it doesn't matter what it is.. I'm keeping it. I look down and see an adorable little French Bulldog shivering in my arms as it nozzles its face into my chest. I checked its neck for any signs of a chip or even a collar, but nothing, its neck is just covered in scars.. So I took it home. I gave it a hot shower with me since we were both freezing after that exhausting walk. We bundled up on my bed and under the blankets to get some much needed sleep. After a great night of sleep, I took him straight to the vet to see if there was a chip on him at all. He is even showing his automatic trust within me as he leans into me, not trusting the vet, but trusting me enough to protect him and believe me I will. The vet was nice enough to let me go into the back with them as well, because she was sensing the terror within him and after seeing why she had no problem with me staying. When she checked him out, it was seen that there had been some type of abuse towards him, which breaks my heart to even imagine how someone could do that. The vet thinks he might have been beaten because he had broken bones that have already healed the wrong way, causing him to limp.. and scars on his skin that the fur is trying to grow over. One ear is shorter than the other, and it looks like maybe bite marks caused it. But because of the chain scars around his neck, I think that this dog may have been used as bait in dog fights or tormented as it was chained up. It is so sad to even think about how someone could do something so horrendous to something so small and innocent. After a full examination, we figured out pretty quickly that there were no chips or even shots. So I requested to get everything done for him that he needed.. From getting him fixed, to his shots and I even put a chip in him for me, because, obviously, both of us have had some scarringly bad times, and I had quickly figured out by the automatic attachment to him and my heart, that we needed one another. He is mine now. "What are you naming him?" she asks me as I think about it for a moment.. and I don't know why, but he looks like a Walter to me. "Walter." I declare to her as she laughs at this, "That's cute but not what I was expecting." I join her in the laughing as she then puts his information in and right next to mine, making this official. I called Marilyn instantly to tell her the news, and she was almost as happy as I was about it, buying little gifts for him to make the transition easier for us. It's been 4 years since that rainy day, and I don't regret it one bit.. and because of his excitement and love extended to me every single day, I would say that he doesn't regret coming over to me either. He has easily turned into my best friend and baby, easing my daily stresses with his unmatched love, giving me purpose and something to live for. We have our own routine at this point, but I can't wait to move away with him at my side. I have a good amount of money saved for us but not enough just yet, especially since I was finally able to buy the two of us a car to help bring everything we have with us in the move.. It's not much, but it is ours. We are close to finally making this new transition, maybe another year at the most. But we are doing this together, and right now, that's all that matters to me.