Snowman of My Dreams

Chapter 2: Cole

Chapter 2: Cole

“It’s about damned time.”

Cole pried his aching eyes open and tried to make sense of what he was seeing. Sitting cross-legged in snow in front of him was a wee woman no more than three feet tall. Her badly dyed black hair was pulled back into two ratty pigtails on either side of her head—her red roots obvious at the part. Although she was wearing a festive red and white dress. matching hat and stockings, and green pointed shoes, she had thrown over it a leather vest that had seen better days. It was embellished with random patches and pins from what he would later learn were punk bands from the Seventies. She rubbed at her kohl-lined eyes and yawned before taking one last drag off a cigarette. She flicked the butt off into the bushes as she exhaled an impressive plume of stale-smelling smoke.

“Huh?”

“Shit.” She took out a spiral notebook from her back pocket and began rapidly flipping through the pages. “Did I forget to make you cute and smart? Being just adorable won’t cut it…”

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

His tiny companion looked up and blinked in his direction. She smiled and lit another cigarette. “Well, hey now. A little spunk, huh? Good. I was worried. It took forever for you to wake up.”

“I’m lost.”

With a chorus of cracking joints and grumbling complaints, she got to her feet. “Let’s start at the beginning. Hello. My name’s Hellfire. Glad to meet you.”

“Hey. I’m Cole.”

“Cole?” Hellfire burst into laughter. “Oh, that’s a good one. How do you know your name is Cole?”

“Not sure. Just do.”

“Interesting.” Hellfire made a notation in her book.

“Why would your parents name you Hellfire? That’s a bit extreme, I think.”

“My actual name’s Holly.”

A slow smile spread across Cole’s face. “How do you get Hellfire from Holly?”

“There are approximately nine hundred and fifty seven women named Holly in my family. Elves are not the most original when it comes to names, so I chose my own.”

“Elves?”

“Yeah,” Hellfire said. “You know. Santa? North Pole?” She pulled off her hat and pointed to her ears. “Pointy ears?”

“Holy s**t. You are an elf.”

“Holy s**t, I am an elf indeed.”

“Hellfire doesn’t sound very elfish to me.”

“How many elves have you met in your lifetime?”

Cole took a moment to consider this question. To the best of his recollection, he hadn’t ever met one before. “Well, one I guess. You.”

“Exactly. So, as far as you know, Hellfire is a perfectly elf-tastic name.”

“Uh, no. Not buying it.” Cole crossed his arms across his chest.

“Damn.” Hellfire consulted her notes again. “I didn’t expect that.”

“Expect what?”

“I didn’t expect you to come, like, preloaded. You know stuff.”

Cole did not fully understand what she was getting at. He absentmindedly rubbed the outsides of his lean-muscled upper arms. He looked down at his beautifully pale and well-built body, naked for all the world to see. “Why am I naked?”

“You’re not fully naked. You’ve got the hat and scarf.”

He felt his head and neck as realized she was right. Not that nakedness bothered him. He wasn’t really sure what bothered him and what didn’t.

“Look, I’m already in deep s**t here,” Hellfire said. “I had a ton of stuff to get to today and I’ve managed to do exactly one thing. And it wasn’t even on my list.”

Cole took in his surroundings for the first time. He could see the first signs of what must be dawn poking at the edges of a long winter’s night. All around him were strands of Christmas lights. Although they were dark now, he could imagine how beautiful they would be lit up and staining the snow with their happy colors. He wondered how he knew what they would look like. As far as he could remember, he’d never seen a light of any sort—illuminated or otherwise.

“Why do I know stuff, but can’t remember things?” he asked.

“Come on. Let me fill you in. Let’s get inside.” Hellfire hopped through the snow, seemingly trying to leap from footprint to footprint, until they had reached the side door of a garage. She produced a tiny wand and waved it at the doorknob, and it twisted and opened for her. Once she and Cole were safely inside, she pulled an impressive amount of clothing from the small bag she had slung over her shoulder. “Put these on.”

Cole obliged, although he skipped putting on the underwear. They looked too small for what he’d be forcing into them and he decided he was a creature of comfort, not conformity. “All right, Holly. Cut the s**t. What the hell is up?”

“Hellfire, please.” She lit another cigarette directly from the one she’d just finished and exhaled the first drag before continuing. “Do you want the full deal explanation or the Cliff’s Notes version?”

“Everything. Spill it. I’ve got time.”

“All right. You asked for it.” She climbed up and sat on the cluttered workbench. “The deal is, I’m not supposed to be here. I work dispatch. Have for years. I like it. It suits my style. I get to work in my underwear. No one bothers me. Pretty sweet, really.”

“Dispatch?”

“Yeah. For Santa? Well, really ninety-seven percent of my job takes place throughout the year. I send out agents to check up on the naughty or nice status of random kids and I record their findings for Santa to review.”

“So, Santa is a thing. Like, not made up?”

Hellfire laughed and shook her head. “You better get up to speed quick, ‘cause you’re about to have your socks blown off if believing in Santa is throwing you.”

“Okay, so Santa is real. Got it. Continue.”

“So, there’s this horrible outbreak of Sparkle Fever.”

Cole silently mouthed the words “Sparkle Fever” but decided against asking for further explanation. He had a feeling he didn’t want to know.

“And all of the field agents are out. Like, all of them. And they will be out all season. These next couple of weeks are our prime time, real deal, get s**t done, or get out of the way crazy busy time. Santa called in everyone who hasn’t come down with The Fever and here I am. Out in the field. First time since seventy-eight.”

“So, you’re checking up on some random kid here at this house and out of boredom you, what, create a naked man to play with? I am not sure why, but I do not find that appealing at all. I don’t think you’re my type.”

“Oh, gross.” Hellfire dropped her cigarette only to light another. “You are so off base. You’re not my type either.”

“Aren’t you afraid those things are going to kill you?” Cole pointed at Hellfire’s cigarette.

“Naw,” she said. “Magic lungs. They’re a really bad idea otherwise. Where was I?”

“Out in the field for the first time since forever.”

“Right, so no. There are no kids here and that’s kinda the point. I was just hanging out. Trying to get my nerve up. Kids really freak me out. So, I’m just chilling and I get an alert on my EBS—”

“Irritable bowel syndrome?”

“That would be an I. EBS. Elf Broadcast System. It’s kinda like a pager, but less high tech.”

“Is that possible?” Cole asked.

“Not really. Anyway, a rare event had just taken place very near my location. Two people had wished for the same thing at the same time on a falling star. That, in conjunction with the time of year, puts that wish solidly in my jurisdiction. I could fulfill that wish at my discretion.”

“So, you did? That’s me? I’m the wish? Who wished for a hot, naked guy?”

Hellfire giggled. Her high-pitched mirth was contagious and they both found themselves laughing companionably. “A lot of people wish for that every night, but that was not what these guys wished for.”

“Guys?” Cole asked. He felt a stirring in his pants and thought he rather liked that idea. He was glad he had skipped the underwear.

“Yep.”

“What’s their story? Why did they wish for me? What am I supposed to do?”

Hellfire sat bolt upright and pulled a tiny display screen from her bag. “Oh, s**t. It’s The Boss. I’m gonna be in so much s**t. Listen, I’ve got to go. You got this?”

“Holy s**t, no, I do not have this. What is this? What did they wish for?”

Hellfire was already making her way to the door, but she looked over her shoulder and said, “Listen, I’ll be back when I can but they’ve both been through a lot of s**t. They’re good guys, really. They’ve spent more years on the nice list than they have the naughty list. Right now they’re in a tough spot and they both wished with their entire and honest hearts for a way out of their current situation. That’s where you come in, my friend. They made you together and poured into you the very best and the very worst of their emotions. It’s up to you to figure out how or even if you’re going to be able to help them. Good luck, dear.”

“Wait!” Cole yelled almost a second too late. “Made me? How did they make me?”

“With their own bare hands. I just added the Christmas Magic. You’re a snowman, sweetie.”