Trapped in her darkness

12- Knowing her

James PoV

She looks at me, shocked, and she stands up straight, wiping the tears with the palm of her hands.

“J… James? What are you doing here?”

“Why are you crying, Harper?” I ask her, worried.

I take a few steps to get closer to her, but she walks away and turns her back to me.

“Please, go away…” she begs.

“Harper, how can you expect me to leave when I just saw you crying?!”

“I... I am not crying. There was something in my eyes.”

I shake my head, smiling at her retreating figure.

My friends accuse her of being a con, and here she is, unable to lie about her tears. Ironic!

I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me, her back colliding with my chest.

“Don’t lie to me… I am your friend, remember? What happened? Did anyone say anything to you? It was Ethan, wasn’t it? Did he say something to you on his way out?”

“What? No, no one said or did anything to me.” she turns to face me.

“Then, what is it?”

“It… it …is just the whole situation is stressful.” She says with a wavering voice.

I cup her face with my hands, my thumbs stroking her cheekbones… our faces inches away.

“It is stressful… But you are not alone anymore, Harper. You have me and Connor by your side. You have my friends and family by your side as well. We are here for you…”

She looks at me, pain taking over her facial expressions. She shook her head as her body wrecked with an onslaught of sobs. I hug her tight, rubbing her back with soothing strokes. And I let her cry… I let her take all the pain and fear and sorrow out of her system.

We stay like that for almost an hour, until she calms down.

“Are you feeling better?”

She nods, and I sigh in relief.

“Let’s sit.” I say as I pull her to the couch in the left corner of the room, facing the balcony. We sit there in silence, my hand on hers, looking at the leaves dancing in the sky thanks to the autumnal wind.

“I like fall…” I just say, as if we are not dealing with a life-threatening situation… as if she was not just crying her eyes out, afraid, and vulnerable.

“It’s cold.” she says, half smiling as she looks at me.

“Yes, it is.” I smile back at her.

“But fall brings change, and builds anticipation for Christmas…” I add.

“You like Christmas?” she asks me, smiling.

“Who doesn’t? Christmas tree, hot cocoa, family gathering, Christmas carols...” I smile back.

“No way! Christmas Carols?!”

“I listen to them; I do not go door to door singing.” I chuckle.

“I bet you don’t.” she laughs, and I finally feel like breathing again.

I cannot stand seeing her sad. Her tears and sobs were killing me…Damn, I have become addicted to her laughter, haven’t I?

“What is your favorite thing about Christmas?” I ask her.

“Umm… I don't have any...We...I… I never celebrated Christmas… You know my parents being addicts and all.” she whispers.

I cannot imagine how horrible her childhood must have been. I do my best to hide the unrest raging inside of me, but it is hard… It is hard to accept that a gentle soul like Harper was dealt such horrible cards.

She deserves better…

“Well, this year, you are going to have the full Christmas experience… Palmer Edition.” I smile at her, squeezing her hand supportively.

Her brows rise in a surprised arc.

“What… what do you mean?”

“I mean that you are going to spend Christmas with us this year…”

“James, I don’t …”

“Christmas is in a few weeks, Harper. We can celebrate it together.”

She looks at me, a sad smile on her face... As if she does not believe she will be here for Christmas. As if she does not believe she will get to experience something she yearns for.

I run the palm of my hand on her cheek, and she instinctively closes her eyes, her breath hitching.

“Look at me, Harper.” I ask her.

She opens her eyes, and they are welled up with tears.

I sigh, my heart aching because of her suffering.

“They will not get to you. We will protect you from them. And you will celebrate Christmas with me.”

I meant to say celebrate with us, but I could not say it… I want her to celebrate with me.

This particular use of pronouns does not go unnoticed by her. She gulps her eyes fixed on my lips.

I glance at her lips as well. Interesting she is not chewing on her bottom lip this time. She usually does that when she is nervous.

She is fidgeting with her fingers instead… Yes, I remember she did that a couple of times, like when she did not want to come to my place.

I put a hand on her hands, to calm her down, my eyes still trained on her lips.

It takes all I have to control myself and not lean in and taste her inviting lips. But I cannot do that… Not to Connor and not to her either.

I sigh and pull her closer, resting her head on my chest.

“Yes, we will celebrate together. First, we will pick a tree. That’s a whole ritual for our family… Then the tree decoration party. I am warning you we will fight to see who gets to put the star on the top of the tree.”

She giggles… Damn it how I like that sound!

I continue to describe our Christmas traditions, telling her about some of our pranks and funny stories. She shakes her head one time, and laughs another… her head always resting on my chest.

I talk until I feel her body relax and her head slipping a bit on my chest.

I smile, knowing that she fell asleep on me.

What a feeling!

I softly take her in my arms, and I carry her, bridal style, to her bed. I tuck her in bed and pull the blanket over her.

I caress her cheeks one last time before leaning in and planting a kiss on her forehead.

“Sweet dreams my little harp”. I whisper as I switch the light off and close the door behind me.

I f*****g hate this whole situation!

I hate that she is in constant danger.

I hate that I haven’t done much to solve her problem.

I hate that I doubt her, my friends’ warnings still resonating in my head.

I hate that Connor is infatuated with her!

I hate that I must step down for my brother even though I know that he does not like her as she deserves to be liked.

He is just smitten by her looks… He likes playing the knight in shining armor role.

He does not feel her emotions like I do… He does not know her as I do…

I rub my face in frustration!

Fuck!

"I need a scotch and I need to bury myself in work again!" I mumble as I head to my home office… This is going to be a long night.

The next day is packed with business meetings and I welcome the workload with open arms as it keeps my mind off her. I had not seen her since our late-night talk as I left home early in the morning when everyone was still sleeping.

I try as much as possible not to think about her and I somehow succeed until the business gala. Now, I am craving her voice… her smile… I am craving our discussion… our embrace… just like last night.

And it infuriates me that I cannot skip this gala! I must talk with two major customers who have not been satisfied lately with our services. And I must also negotiate with a supplier who has been increasing the raw material prices every f*****g month.

By the time I get home, it is already past midnight. My hopes of finding her in the living room or the patio fly out the window when I am faced with an eerily silent house.

I know that I should call it quit and go to my room, but lately, I am not being very reasonable.

I knock twice at her door, and when she does not answer, again I ignore the sensible thing to do and open her bedroom door.

When I get in, I see her figure, sleeping and I walk closer… I want to see her… I need to see her.

I get closer, and my heart sinks when I see her face strained with dried tears.

Why is she still crying!? Why can’t she trust that I will keep her safe?

I gently stroke her cheeks and her eyes snap open as she swats my hand away.

She sits up, blinking her eyes repeatedly, trying to see in the dimmed light.

“Hey, Harper, it’s me. Calm down.”

“What…James?” she pants, scared, and confused.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“What… Is something wrong?”

“No. I just came back home, and I wanted to see you.” I admit.

“Did you eat? We ordered Chinese and have leftovers. I can heat them for you.”

“Thank you, my little harp. But I already ate at the business dinner.”

“You look tired.”

“Yes, I am. Can I rest next to you?”

For a few seconds, her body goes still as her eyes grow a bit bigger.

Did I scare you yet again?

But she relaxes right away and nods.

I drop onto the bed next to her and close my eyes.

We stay like that in silence. Me, I was lying down next to her, my eyes closed, my head resting on the pillow, one arm bent on my forehead.

“Do you like your job?” she asks me.

I open my eyes, surprised by her question, and turn my head to look at her.

“Why are you asking?”

“It seems as if it takes a lot of your time and energy. I was wondering whether it is worth it.”

“I like the way you think.” I blurt out.

Idiot! That was meant to be my inner monologue.

She blushes, and drops her eyes, focused now on her fidgeting fingers.

“Yes, I like my job. I always knew, ever since I was a kid, that I would take over my parents. But all the praise goes to them both. They built this empire themselves from scratch.”

“What do you mean?”

“Both my parents come from poor families. They were the first in their families to go to college. Mum got a scholarship and Dad worked three jobs in parallel to pay for the tuition.”

“Oh! I... I didn’t know.”

“Yes. I have big shoes to fill… This is why I work hard. It is not just for me but to keep and grow what my parents started and make sure all our employees are safe. If I lose customers, it won’t only impact my family but all our employees, who are our extended family now. When Dad handed over the business to me, he told me: Now you are not only responsible for the business but all five thousand employees and their families.”

“I… You… you are really good people.” She says, her voice sad.

I shrug.

“How about you? What did you dream of being when you grow up?”

“I couldn’t dream. I lived one day at a time.” She replies, her voice cracking.

What can you say in such situations? Life was unfair to her and robbed her of a bring future.

“It is never too late. What would you like to do if you get the chance now?” I ask her as I put my hand on hers.

“I cannot do much… I … I never went to school. I know how to read and write, thanks to our neighbor, Mrs. Doubtfire.”

“Your neighbor’s surname is Doubtfire?” I chuckle.

“Yes! When I was a kid, I thought she was my father in disguise, like in the movie, and that he came to protect me and save me from my mom and her friends.” She whispered.

“Come here.” I pull her down, resting her head on my chest.

“So… Tell me, what did Mrs. Doubtfire teach you?”

“I would sneak out to her house every morning and we had our breakfast together. Then we spent one or two hours together. She taught me how to read, and talked to me about politics and the arts so that I have a minimum of general knowledge and culture. She also taught me math but just the basics. She did not want me to get ripped off when grocery shopping.”

I should not have closed my eyes, because a few minutes later sleep took over and I slept, listening to her stories... How Mrs. Doubtfire was her fairy godmother... How she took her to the movies and even to the theater... How she taught her...How she cleaned her wounds when her mother and her mother's boyfriends beat her …

I take a mental note to find and reward this amazing woman who was struggling financially but still gave shelter and love to my little harp.

“James… James!” I am startled when I feel Harper shaking me and whispering my name.

I open my eyes, surprised, and see Harper sitting on her knees on the bed, worried and scared.

“Wha…”

I do not get to ask her anything as she covers my mouth with one hand and puts her index finger on her lips, signaling me to shut up.

I am confused by her reaction until I hear the constant knocking on the door.

“Harper? Harper, are you awake?” Connor asks through the door.

“Yes, Connor. I… I was in the shower. I … I will finish and join you for breakfast.” She replies, her voice quivering.

Connor hesitates as if he wants to add something, but after a minute, he finally replies.

“Ok. I will wait for you downstairs.”

Harper lets go of a breath when she hears him walk away.

“Why are you stressed? Why don’t you want him to know I am here in your room? Nothing happened, Harper.”

“I… I know. But I don’t want you to fight with him.” She whispers, fidgeting with her fingers.

I stand up and turn around to pull her into a hug.

“You don’t have to worry about my brother and me.” I kiss her on the cheek, and she blushes, looking down at the floor.

“I have never slept that well in a long time, Harper. Maybe we should make this a regular thing.” I joke, but her face goes pale, her skin losing all colors.

“No… No, James. We should not do that ever again. Please don’t come to my room tonight.”

“You don’t want to see me?”

I know she likes our talks. Her body language is too obvious. She is genuinely smiling, enjoying our nocturnal small talks.

I look into her eyes, searching for something that explains why she is pushing me away when she likes our time together as much as I do.

“Please, James. It is not about me… Please.” She pleads.

And I know…

It is about Connor.

I sigh as I lean in and kiss her on the cheek.

“ OK… I will respect your decision.”

I stroke her cheek softly and leave her there, standing in the middle of the room. And this was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life.

~*~* Author Notes*~*~

Did you like how they bounded? To be torn away afterward for Connor's sake!

The next chapter is on Sunday!

Thank you for reading