Playing for Keeps

Chapter 1: Thad-2

Mark has a quick laugh and a childish sense of humor, and a boyish face that allows him to pull off any prank. Thad easily spots him in the mirror above the bar, an arm draped around Seth’s shoulders as they flirt with a couple of girls sitting by the dance floor. Seth is a year younger than Mark, a year older than Peter, a sophomore who introduced the freshmen to his friend the first time they all met at band practice. Seth is slim, with long arms, long hands, a long face. He and Peter would look like twins, except Peter hasn’t yet gained the legendary freshman fifteen. By this time next year, the two will probably be difficult to tell apart.

Thad watches his friends in the mirror. When Seth laughs, his lips form a perfect heart shape Thad finds enthralling. So perfect, that heart. So kissable. He isn’t attracted to Seth in that way, God no…but Seth is everything Thad is not. Straight, for one. He’s Mr. Party Animal, always flirting, always talking, always laughing. With his good looks and unflappable charm, everyone loves him. Even if Thad tries to be sociable, he still seems to fade into the wallpaper.

In the mirror, Mark glances over Seth’s shoulder and meets Thad’s gaze. His eyes are too bright in the dark pub, as if electric current runs just behind them and every moment, it ramps up another notch or two. By the end of the evening, that energy will burst forth and ricochet off anyone in its path. Mark can get spastic when he’s having a good time. Add in alcohol, and he just might go supernova.

Thad looks away. He doesn’t want to be around when that happens. Mark’s fun, yes. He’s great to talk with, a real pal, always there for a friend, but lately he’s begun to make Thad uncomfortable in an odd way Thad can’t quite pin down. It’s those eyes, maybe. When they aren’t crackling with unspent energy, he seems to look right through Thad, as if he knows exactly what the freshman is thinking. Sometimes at band practice, Thad will look up from his sheet music and let his gaze wander down the row of students to the drum section, where he’ll watch Jamie’s sticks skitter across the skin of the timpani. Once Mark caught him looking—Thad glanced up at the drum major and saw a quick smirk on Mark’s face. It disappeared immediately, but Thad knows it was there.

So yeah, Mark scares him, a little. Thad doesn’t want Mark to know his thoughts, his hopes, or his dreams. And God, if Mark even suspected what he felt for Jamie…

Automatically, his gaze finds Jamie’s reflection again. The drink on the bar in front of him is forgotten. He could sit here all night, lost in the music and the way it makes Jamie’s body sway to the beat.

He hears his name called out from the crowd and he starts, ducking his head so no one will catch him staring. Suddenly a warm hand claps his back, then Mark leans heavily against Thad, pushing into his line of vision. An arm snakes around Thad’s shoulders, keeping him in place.

“Hey,” Mark slurs. With a laugh, he nudges Thad with his hip. “You need a refill? I can hook you up.”

Thad covers his glass with his hand. “I don’t want another drink. I’m fine.”

Mark leers at him. “What do you want?”

Ignoring the suggestion in his friend’s voice, Thad admits, “I want to go home.”

“Home?” Mark cries, incredulous, as if he’s heard the word once or twice and isn’t quite sure what it means. “Damn, boy, the night’s still young. Have some fun already.”

Thad doesn’t mean back to the hotel, or even back to school—he means home. Southwest Virginia, with his mom and dad, where he can pretend to be the perfect son with the perfect grades and the perfect voice in the church choir. Home, where he doesn’t have to see Jamie every single day, or feel his heart twist with every little thing his friend said or did. Where it wouldn’t matter if he’s too shy to tell Jamie how he really feels.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself against the taste, he downs the last of his drink and almost chokes on the spicy rum. His tongue feels too thick for his mouth. He doesn’t look at Mark, and doesn’t dare raise his head to look into the mirror, either.

After a long moment, Mark asks, “You really want to leave?” He gives Thad’s shoulder a tight squeeze. “You’re doing okay, kid. I know it’s hard. Is this the first time you’ve been overseas?”

Thad’s lower lip trembles. Because he doesn’t trust his voice, he just nods.

Mark gives him a rare, sympathetic smile. “You just have to find something to hold onto,” he says. His voice is unusually soft and gentle. “It’s only a few more days, and then we’ll be back on campus. You can hold on that long, can’t you?”

Thad shrugs and rubs the back of his hand across his eyes. “It’s nothing like I thought it’d be,” he whispers.

“England?” Mark laughs. “Yeah, I thought it rained all the time.”

“No, I mean…” Thad shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t know. College. It’s…I don’t know.”

“The semester’s almost over. Freshman year’s always tough, but the summer’s coming up and you’ll be back home before you know it. Just find something to keep you steady,” Mark advises. With a wink, he adds, “Or someone.”

Thad forces a laugh. I found someone, he thinks, keeping his mouth shut. Only I don’t want to say anything because I’d rather have him as a friend than nothing at all.

Mark doesn’t need to know that. After a moment, Thad sighs. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

With a laugh, Mark says, “Of course I’m right. I’m always right. And don’t you forget it.”

He reaches out to touch the tip of Thad’s nose with his finger, but he’s so drunk, he misses and nearly pokes Thad in the eye.

Thad laughs and twists away as Mark closes one eye to line up his finger for a second try. “You’re wasted. Stop! Go bother someone else.”

“I like bothering you…”

But Mark’s words drift off as his gaze settles past Thad to the end of the bar. Thad turns, following it, and sees Peter sitting by himself near the pay phone. Thad’s roommate nurses something bubbly and golden that looks like ginger ale and probably isn’t. If Peter feels them staring his way, he doesn’t look up.

Though Peter and Seth look alike, the similarities are only skin-deep. Seth is outgoing and fun; Peter, on the other hand, is the perfect roommate because he’s just as awkward and shy as Thad. Seth was at Richmond State a full year before Peter arrived, and though he tried to introduce Peter to his friends, none of them showed much interest in hanging out with a gawky freshman and his wallflower roomie.

Except Mark, that is, but Thad thinks it’s because Mark’s drum major in the marching band, and he feels it’s his duty to make the newbies feel included. It’s obvious Mark and Seth are tight, but sometimes Mark tries a little too hard to involve Peter and his friends. Like tonight, for instance. They’re so out of place here, it’s shameful, but Mark tries his hardest to make sure they all have a good time. Drinks, music, talk…

So far the only one who seems to be enjoying himself is Jamie.

Mark pats Thad’s back with a hard clap that sends him forward over his drink. “Chin up, dude. We’ll leave soon enough. Let me go cheer up Mr. Pete.”

He raises his voice on the last two words, shouting them down the length of the bar. Peter looks up, sees them, and breaks into a wide grin. That’s all the invitation Mark needs—he drifts away, Thad forgotten, and threads through the crowd to where Peter sits.

As Thad watches, Mark slides into the space between Peter and the wall. An arm circles Peter’s shoulders with a friendly ease Thad envies. Why can’t he touch a boy like that? Or, more specifically, touch Jamie? Even just as friends…Thad isn’t that bold.

Then Mark laughs and, because there are no more empty seats nearby, he squeezes between Peter and the bar itself to sit on Peter’s knee. With a grin, Mark chugs back the contents of Peter’s glass.

Thad looks away. Why is it so easy for some guys? Just walk up, start talking, laugh and goof off—he makes it look like there’s nothing to it. Thad wishes he was confident enough or funny enough or even flirty enough to just drape an arm over Jamie’s shoulder for a quick hug, or stare into his eyes and not look away when Jamie stares back.

Thad frowns into his empty glass and wonders why, despite the crowd, he still feels so alone.