Blood Secrets

Diary of a Psychopath

Lorcan's smile was smug as he opened the door and saw her standing there.

"Nadia," he said. His accent made her name sound like a different one. Kitang-kita niya ang malapad na ngisi nito habang nakatingin sa kanya. Then she saw him looking behind her. "Where's your boyfriend?"

Alam niyang aasarin lang siya nito kaya naman hindi lang niya ito pinatulan. She decided not to take the bait and be civil as possible today.

Lorcan told her to go to his house where he could show her something. She really hopes it would give her loads of answers because she's tired of disappointments.

"You said you want to show me something. I'm here because of it," she answered.

Tumabi si Lorcan para tuluyan siyang papasukin. Nang makapasok siya sa loob ay saka naman ito naunang naglakad. He gave her a look over his shoulder.

"Care to have something to drink?" he asked. She gave her a blank stare.

"I came here to know this information you were telling me about, Lorcan. I'm not here to drink."

Humarap naman si Lorcan sa kanya. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang ngiti sa mga labi nito. She wanted to tell him to stop grinning but then she remembered a grinning Lorcan would be so much better than a crazy Lorcan.

"Forgive me but I have to get myself a drink first," he said. He did not wait for her to respond and he went to the counter to get himself a drink. Nanatili siyang nakatayo doon habang nakatingin sa lalaki.

"How did you know Vancel Kimber?" she asked as she doesn't like to waste time with silence. She only knows the name Vancel Kimber. Aside from that, she doesn't know anything else. Gusto niyang malaman kung sino si Vancel Kimber at kung bakit nito nagawang patayin ang mga magulang niya.

"Remember that story I told you about a group of doctors and scientists experimenting the vampires?"

Tumango naman siya. It's where Julian worked before. It was where Julian was turned to a vampire by Lorcan Sylvaine.

"Vancel Kimber was their favorite subject," Lorcan said as he walked towards the sofa and sat there. Sumunod naman siya at umupo kaharap nito. Tumingin ang lalaki sa kanya.

"See, love, you spent your life hunting vampires and killing them. You must have noticed some of them are not as bad as you expected."

Totoo iyon. She had seen vampires who were a daughter to someone or a son. It wasn't their fault that they became vampires. But the fact that they are vampires makes them dangerous. It was the blood slayers' job to protect the humans from the vampires dahil alam niya na kahit gaano pa kabuti ang isang bampira, its natural instincts would surely prevail and would end up hurting a human.

Nang hindi siya sumagot ay nagpatuloy si Lorcan. He swirled the contents of his glass. "Vancel was one of the good ones. He feeds on blood bags. Never buries his fangs on a human."

"Is that how he killed my parents then? Not burying his fangs on their necks?"

"For one, if one of your parents or both of them are wolves, a vampire can't bite them of course. The only way to kill them is to take their hearts and they would never from that. So no. If Vancel killed them, it won't be because he fed on them."

She froze. Hindi niya alam kung anong reaksyon niya doon. Nanatili siyang tahimik.

"Those doctors captured Vancel after they knew he's a vampire. They were impressed at how he could stop his natural instincts. So they experimented on him--"

"I don't want to hear his life story, Lorcan. Kung iyan ang gusto mong ipapakita sa akin ngayon, then I have just wasted my time," she said at akmang tatayo na siya nang magsalita ulit si Lorcan.

"I am telling how he became a monster and killed many people. Possibly including your parents, Nadia."

"For what? I don't need to know his story. I need to confirm if he really did kill my family."

"He wrote a journal," he said and she rolled her eyes heavenward. Hindi na ako nakatiis. I stood and walked towards the door. Lorcan still sat by the couch and just when I was about to reach for the knob, Lorcan spoke again.

"The journal contains the list of names of the people he has killed," he said and that made her froze. Naalala naman niya na tinanong siya ni Lorcan kung alam ba niya ang pangalan ng mga magulang niya. Hinarap niya ang lalaki.

"What do you mean?"

"Vancel was experimented on so many times that it drove him crazy. The organization made several trials to bring out his natural instincts and it destroyed him. He broke free and the doctors never caught him again. I know him because I watched him getting tortured every day.

"The moment he got out, he was a walking nightmare. But the most dangerous thing about him was that one couldn't tell that he is an enraged animal. With his natural instincts brought out, he was out of control. He would lure his victims, talk to them, ask their names, and then kills them."

Tila hindi niya kaya ang tumayo pa kaya naglakad siya papalapit sa sofa at umupo doon. Her hands are shaking but she remained silent and she looked at Lorcan, waiting for him to say more.

"After killing his victims, a rush of guilt sweeps over him. While hungry, he couldn't think of anything else but to eat and kill. After the hunger, and guilt overwhelmed him that he tries to punish himself by listing all the names of his victims in a journal so he would be reminded of his doings. He was called The Reaper."

Lorcan placed the glass on the table and stood. "Vancel killed a lot of people and I think if someone comes looking who to blame for the death of their loved one, Vancel Kimber would be their number one choice to look at," he said.

She couldn't think straight. All because Lorcan is making sense. Vancel Kimber might be the convenient suspect because he killed a lot. Did the headquarters give her a name just to ease her down?

"I have Vancel Kimber's journals. If you can still remember your parents' name, then you have the library all to yourself."

"You have his journals?"

"Ever since he escaped the laboratory, I followed him and kept track of what he'd done." Lorcan tilted his head. "The library is on the second floor. The journals are on the table."

She looked at the second floor and she could see the open library from where she was sitting. When she turned to look at Lorcan, nakatingin lang ito sa kanya. She did not say anything. Instead, she stood and walked straight to the stairs towards the library where she might find if Vancel Kimber really killed her parents...or not. She doesn't know which one is dreadful.

Naririnig niya si Lorcan sa ibaba. From the sound of his steps, he was walking away from her. At wala na rin siyang pakialam kung ano man ang gustong gawin ng lalaki. All she could care about as of the moment are the journals, now resting on the table, waiting for her to open and examine.

Kinakabahan siya. She has faced vampires before and each time, it never failed to make her nervous. But now is different. It's a different kind of nervousness. Hindi niya matukoy kung ano ngunit pakiramdam niya ay gusto niyang tumakbo sa kabilang direksyon. It was nonsense as she had been waiting for this her whole life--the truth to be laid out to her. And then it is here, the journals of Vancel Kimber, and her knees are buckling.

Then she realized...despite her being so hell-bent on finding the truth, it also scares her. It didn't scare her before but after what Lorcan had told her--about the possibility of her supernatural bloodline, she couldn't help but be worried. Paano kung totoo ang sinasabi ng lalaki sa kanya? Paano kung isa nga siyang lobo? What would happen then? Would anything change? She didn't even have symptoms that she is indeed a wolf. She doesn't turn during the full moon. But there is some weight in Lorcan's words that made her consider. She hates herself for even considering it and there is something deep inside her that shouts she was right to consider.

Ngunit naisip naman niya si Kai. What would Kai say? If she has indeed the blood of a wolf, would it change how Kai looks at her? Would something change between them? She considered a lot of possibilities but what stuck in her mind was something she did not like to dwell on so she shook her head.

Slowly, she walked inside the library. Her steps are calculated as though she was expecting some surprise attack or even some traps if she so much as steps on a wrong tile. Ngunit nakarating siya sa mesa nang walang nangyari. She sighed in relief. Tanging ang mabibigat niyang hininga ang naririnig niya. The house was relatively quiet and she couldn't help but feel relieved that the other Sylvaines are not there.

She swallowed hard as she looked at the leather-bound books. If she opened them, she would see Vancel Kimber's handwriting. Lorcan said he listed all the names of his victims because of the guilt he feels after killing them. It was why Vancel Kimber asks the names of his victims before he attacks them. She would be able to see all the names. Napatingin siya sa mga journal sa mesa. There were about six of them. Does this all contain the list of names? She bristled at the thought of all those journals containing names of dead people. With her parents who might be in it too.

With shaking hands, she reached for the first journal. On its cover were embossed numbers that read 1864. It was the oldest among the journals kaya iyon ang napili niyang unang buksan. She took a shuddering breath as she slowly opened the journal.

The first page was blank and she flipped to the next one. She was expecting a list of names but she was greeted by a lump of words filling the whole page. Napagpasyahan niyang basahin ang unang pahina.

I thought there was no humanity left in me. The moment I realized something had changed--something phenomenal yet terrifying--I thought it would be the end. But I was wrong. They were wrong. They see me as a monster but after months of trying and restraint, I was able to control it: the hunger, the need to feed, the need to drain someone's blood from their body--I overcame all of it.

She couldn't bear to read the life story of her parent's possible murderers. So she flipped to the next page, but it was the same. She flipped faster and she couldn't see a list of names. Agad niyang isinantabi ang journal at kinuha ang pangalawa. It was labeled 1865.

Nang buksan niya ito ay ganoon pa rin. She went to the third and it was the same. Frustrated, she set them aside and stared at the two journals left. But as she leaned back on the chair, her leg hit something. Napatingin siya sa ilalim at nakita niyang isa itong journal. It looked the same as the others but it had no labels on the cover.

Dahan-dahan niya itong kinuha at binuksan. The first page was blank, as always, but when she flipped to the next, she saw a name. Haiden Lockwood.

Her eyes went down as the list went on to the end of the page. She shivered when she noticed that some edges of the pages are stained with blood. Although it was faint, she knows it was blood. It was enough indication that right after Vancel Kimber made his kill, guilt strikes him in an instant and he goes straight to write his victims' names on a journal. Even though she doesn't know what he looked like, she could almost imagine how he would sit in front of his journal, write his victims' names and then weep.

It was stupid. Or at least she believed it was stupid. Because the moment she read his first entry earlier, deep down she realized that Vancel Kimber is another victim. But she doesn't want to recognize that. Not ever. Because then who will she blame for her parents' death? Kanino siya magagalit? She has a lot of pent-up rage inside of her that she needs to channel somewhere--to someone.

Her shaking fingers were quick to run through the names on the first page. When she did not see the names of her parents, she was relieved. But then she looked at the journal and how thick it was because of the pages. That means she still has a lot to examine and she couldn't relax yet.

She flipped to the second page and she was greeted by two pages--one from the back of the first page and the front of the second. She traced her fingers through the list, reading the unfamiliar names inside her head. When she couldn't see a name she know, she flipped to the next.

It went on for several hours--she doesn't know how many hours exactly but she did not lift her head from the journal. By the time she looked out the window, the sun was almost setting down. Nangalahati na siya and her neck was starting to strain. She leaned back and rested her head but she almost jumped to her seat when she saw Lorcan standing by the doorway.

Nakatingin ito sa gawi niya. "Find it yet?" he asked. She rolled her eyes.

"If I have, I wouldn't be here anymore," she answered and made sure her voice was laced with enough contempt. She's pissed and there is no one else in the house except for Lorcan kaya sa lalaki niya ibinunton ang kanyang inis. It might be not a good choice considering the fact that Lorcan had threatened to kill her before and had actually almost done it. Ngunit sa nakikita niya, tila nasisiyahan pa ito sa paghihirap niya and that he doesn't seem to mind her surly mood.

"I can help you look if you want," he said as he shrugged. She gave him a look before she went to the pages again.

"No, thank you."

For a moment, Lorcan was silent but she could still feel him lurking in the doorway. Hindi na lang niya ito pinansin. Her eyes got the hang of scanning the names quickly as she moved from one page to another. Then she heard Lorcan's footsteps inside the library.

"What will you do if you find your parents' name there?" tanong nito.

Hindi niya ito sinagot at nagpatuloy sa kanyang ginagawa. Lorcan doesn't like to be ignored but she knows he's enjoying it too much that he doesn't care if she talks or not.

Hours went by and when she looked out the window, it was already dark. Ngunit malapit na siyang matapos at wala siyang nakitang pangalan ng kanyang mga magulang. She should be relieved but she couldn't. She tried to ignore the sliver of hope that starts to blossom in her chest. She can't afford to be hopeful. Not when there are higher chances of disappointment.

Nagpatuloy siya sa kanyang ginagawa. She doesn't even know if Lorcan is there or not, nagpatuloy siya sa ginagawa.

By the time she reached the last page, her heart hammered through her chest. Sweat trickled down her temple. Her hand landed on the first name of the page. Mave Hail.

Her finger moved to the second unfamiliar name. Her pace got faster and faster, hope now building inside her chest more than what she allowed. But she doesn't care and she's too nervous to even restrain hope inside of her. Napunta ang daliri niya sa pinakahuling linya ng pahina at binasa ang huling pangalan na nakalista.

Her insides went cold as she read it. Her father's name was not listed on the journal. Ngunit sa huling linya ng listahan nabasa niya ang pangalan ng kanyang ina.

Isadore Melendez. That was her mother's name. Which means that Vancel Kimber had indeed killed her.

Emotions starts to swell up inside her but she knew better than to panic. Her father is not on the list. Which means there is a good chance her father is still alive. But with her mother's name on the last of the list, it would mean that Vancel Kimber stopped killing after her mother. Or...Vancel Kimber must be dead.

She dreaded the latter. And just when she was about to break down, Lorcan enters the room again. Nakita nito ang ekspresyon sa mukha niya and for the first time today, she could not see any hint of mocking on his face. As though he understood instantly what she just found.

Instead, he says, "So you found it."

She swallowed hard. She did, indeed.