A Matter of Convenience

Eight

~Jovanni~

I’ve been on a tear since I’ve been back. I tried to run off my anger, but that wasn’t enough. I went to the gym to lift and use the punching bag, but that wasn’t enough. As of now, I’ve put five warriors on their asses, and I’m just barely calming down. “Damn, J. What’s eating you?” I turn to see Beta Terrance watching me from the sidelines. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so worked up.” I growl and back away from the warrior lying at my feet. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t think talking will help things.”

“You won’t know unless you try. I’ll tell you what, though. Beating up the warriors is not helping the pack in the slightest.” I drop my head and sigh. I know he’s right. I can’t continue going after the warriors like this because they need to stay on top of their game. They are the first line of defense if we are attacked, and if I keep at them, they won’t be able to help the pack at all.

I step away from the other warriors and grab my water bottle from the side. I squirt some water in my mouth before letting it fall over the top of my head. I need to figure out how to calm down from this.

I’m nudged on my shoulder, causing me to look up. Beta Terrance motions his head toward the packhouse and starts to walk slowly. He’s my Beta, a ranked member. I know I need to follow him because of his rank and because it may actually work. I’m terrified to talk to him, though. I guess I forgot to mention that Nina is the Beta’s daughter. She’s his youngest child, but his daughter just the same. I don’t know how he’s going to take the situation, and I don’t really want to find out. I sigh and follow behind him, keeping my head down as we walk.

A thick silence settles between us, and it’s almost as uncomfortable as walking with him in the first place. “So, are we going to talk or what?”

“Or what?” My tone is hopeful, but deep down, I know that I’m playing myself. I risk a glance at the Beta, and the look on his face tells me I’m right. I sigh and shake my head. “Let me tell you what I know. I know your mate ran out of here earlier today and didn’t tell anyone she was leaving. I know that you went looking for her and when you couldn’t find her, you went to her pack. I know that since you got back, you’ve been a ball of anger. How about you fill in the blanks.” I swear, living in a pack means no privacy whatsoever. He shouldn’t know all that, but I’m not surprised he does. I take a deep breath in and slowly let it out.

“Isis, my mate, she rejected me.”

~Ericson~

I open my eyes to complete darkness. I let my eyes adjust and notice a form on the couch on the other side of the room. I immediately think Amara has changed her mind and is here for me to take her back. As angry as I am at what she did, I believe I can forgive her and try again.

The scent in the room quickly lets me know that I’m wrong. It isn’t Amara on the couch; it’s my mom. She must have come back while I was asleep. She’s been keeping really close to me since I’ve been in this room. It’s partly suffocating and partly wonderful. My mom and I have always been close, which hasn’t changed since I became an adult. “Are you okay, son?” I shift in the bed, trying to find that comfortable position.

“I’m fine mom. You should be with Dad in your bed.” Mom huffs as she comes toward me.

“Your father is a stone-hearted bastard, and I’m sick of his sh.it right now.” I can’t contain the laugh that slips from my lips. Mom isn’t one to curse unless she’s upset, and that usually is directed towards Dad. I love it when she curses; it sounds so cute.

“Join me in bed mom. It can’t be comfortable on that couch.”

“You need your space so you can get better.” I sigh and shake my head. I peel back the covers on my right side.

“Woman, if you don’t get in here right now!” My mom laughs as she gets in bed next to me. She settles in, allowing me to cover her with the blankets. Mom lays her head on my shoulder and gets comfortable. “You’re the best mom ever, do you know that?”

“Thank you, but it’s you who’s an amazing son.” I wrap my arm around her, listening to her heartbeat in the quiet room.

“I’m not sure about that, Mom.” My voice starts to crack, causing me to take a break and breathe. “There must be something wrong with me since my mate didn’t even want me.” Mom turns to me, pulling my head down to be level with hers.

“Don’t you say that, love.” I can’t control my emotions, and tears fall down my face. My body shakes as big sobs roll through my body. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it must be something since the one made just for me didn’t even want me. “It’s okay, let it out. It’s okay to grieve for what you lost. I want you to know that her leaving has nothing to do with you. There’s nothing wrong with you, and I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom. Her leaving has more to do with her than anything.”

I continue to lay on my mom and cry my eyes out. I’m not an emotional man because my father never wanted me to be. He always preaches how emotions are a distraction and they aren’t needed to run a pack. Mom has always made me comfortable enough to indulge in my emotions, and I love her for that. I know I needed this. I’m not sure if it will help me get over my loss, but letting go has me feeling good in the moment. Maybe I just need a string of good moments to help me through.