My Only One

Welcome back riders how was your ride?

The phrase that will haunt me until my last breath will be just that, "Welcome back riders, how was your ride?" It's piercing almost and yet I do it 1,000 times daily. Its the middle of summer already and I've grown in the ranks of carnie - and I'm the loud, vibrant voice of Mavrick. It's the best roller coaster at the park, at least to me it is. I'm running to my shift along with Zane as he is the other handler in on the otherside of the track - he just doesn't speak he just checks restraints and we continue along. To this day, 6 weeks ago I would have thought I'd be content with working in the kiddie area - but, I do love being able to me the real me. I enjoy a microphone - more than many know but, its in part because I know someday I'll be on the sideline of a major NFL team hashing out logisitics with members of the team for interviews - shoot, or I might be in the booth giving play by plays - either way, this is good practice.

It's a lot less intense too, no offense to the mom with three kids under 8 telling me how to do my job. Actually, all of the offense. I take my job very seriously, and I did those kindergarten jobs probably better than any other worker has - I never had a kid get hurt on my watch - but, it never fails a mom yelling at her kid, one throwing up, or some kid throwing s**t at us - I'm oddly happy to be away from that area of the park. Here, I get to see the look of pure joy - and terror, both of which have found a new high for me in my life. Honestly, seeing grown a*s men and women nervous out of their minds is something I truly enjoy, perhaps that makes me a psychopath - eh, to each their own.

As I am running to not miss my post and along the way not hit pedestrains simply at the park to have a good time, I smile. I smile because its been a long a*s time since I've geniuly smiled and its also been a long a*s time that I allowed myself to have fun. Thats what this job is for me, fun. I run up the stairs to the platform throw my water bottle in my cubby behind the conductors stand and relieve the girl who has been there since 10am. She smiles at me and exits down the stairs, across the track and on the otherside of the platform Zane is smiling at me all goofy like he normally does when we start our shift.

Zane and I have been inseperable since the moment we got here and after that first night of talking we have been one anothers trusted friend with all our secrets shared between one another. Everyone here thinks we are a couple because we spend so much time together, Keri joins us sometimes but for the most part she keeps to herself - she is a baker in the bakery and spends a ton of time after hours there so she doesn't really get to enjoy the perks of carnie life.

Those perks consist of late night parties on the shores of lake Erie. These parties have bonfires and live music with someone on a guitar singing. Zane and I go for the free beer, who would have thought? I enjoy a shitty kegged beer - goodness my parents would be so mad, not because im out enjoying myself but because they are not here with me. They always let me have some wine or sips of beer if I asked - as long as I was under their roof type of thing. Tonight we are having one of those parties when we all get off at 11. Today marks 2 more weeks in Sandusky - I go back home after the 4th to start two a days with the Mona Shores football team - and Coach Andrew hasn't let me forget. He almost checks in on me more than my own father- but truth is, the two of them are probably together drinking a beer and joking how Andrew is texting me and not my dad.

I try and calm myself to not allow myself to feel sad for leaving this place as a train pulls in, the first train of the day - the train I didn't load, but the girl prior to me did. When my mouth goes absolutley dry and I feel faint. Words. My inner voice is screaming, "Morgan SAY the WORDS!" I shake my head and quickly regain my composure and in the most despreate words ever spoken, "Welcome back riders how was your ride." Only the front two seats of the car are stone silent as Melissa and Ethan stare at me in pure shock. Probably their shock resides in the fact that I'm not the girl who boarded them but I'm the girl that got away from them weeks ago. As I go to pull up the front lap bar, Ethan smiles at me, "Hey Mo, we have been looking for you all day." I nod, "I have a phone, I haven't seen your name appear in a text or a phone call so you didn't try hard enough." E looks at me confused and Zane appears over Mel's shoulder suggesting they exit to their left and to watch their steps when he catches my eyes and knows exactly who I am talking to.

So, Zane does what Zane does best: "Please exit off the platform so that others may enter the ride." Ethan looks over his shoulder at me and lips, "sorry" before exiting down the stairs. I release a breath that I had no idea I was holding and turn around to look at Zane who is contemplating jumping over the track which would result in both of us being fired. I put my hands up letting him know that I'm okay and bend over with my hands on my knees and take multiple deep breaths and continue doing what I'm here to do, work.

We get through a couple hours and our break comes up, both Zane and I are relieved of our duties. Zane crosses the track using a car that is currently sitting docked at the station and runs over to me and throws me into his arms in what would resemble a deep hug, we however are clumsy and it looks like the hug in the movie Step Brothers. It makes me laugh which was clearly what he was going for. We walk down the stairs and plan to go behind the coaster where we can take our break away from the park pedestrians. When we sit down Zane doesn't even allow me to decompress, "How, What... I don't understand. Why is he here?" I laugh, "Probably because he likes roller coasters or is on a date or something, I dont know Zane but he was looking for me, which is silly because he could have just picked up the phone and called me you know?"

Zane nods, "He wanted to suprise you, I saw him before you did, dude was smiling hard at you once he realized it was you. The Melissa girl I think you told me her name was looked less than pleased with the entire situation. I had no idea at the time it was him though, you know we see thousands of people every day, to me it was just some dude who thought you were cute and his girlfriend took notice, its honestly really normal," he deadpans. I blush at his words, "Stop it, no it doesn't." He pulls me into a side hug, "You my bestest friend have no idea just how beautiful you are, inside and out." He kisses the top of my forehead and then apologizes because he is going to pee his pants and scurries off.

I reluctantly pull my phone from my back pocket which has been on silent literally since I came to Sandusky and notice a couple of missed texts, all from Ethan I open up and read them in order:

-I should have called or texted you, I'm sorry. I just wanted to suprise you.

-Mo, I'm sorry. We are staying at Hotel Breakers tonight, we plan on leaving tomorrow after one more day in the park. Maybe we can see you tonight?

-The summer hasn't been the same without you.

-I miss my best friend.

I wipe the tear that has tried to fall from my cheek and put my phone away without responding. It's been 6 weeks with no texts, no phone call, nothing. Silence, and thats what I'm going to give him right now - pure silence.

After our shift ends we don't even go and change we head straight for the beach because Zane promised me as many beers as I wanted so we hop the side fence in the parking lot and walk down the beach a bit to the bonfire spot and post up along with our co-workers and induldge in under age drinking and partying just like all the wonderful kids of America. Within an hour I've already downed three beers which is quite a bit for a lightweight, epsiecally being 5'4 and 104 pounds soaking wet, I'm drunk.

Zane has stole a guitar from one of the locals and is learning to play along with the a couple other people. He claims Sydney wouldnt be able to resist him if he can play the guitar. Yes, the girl of his dreams is Sydney.. poor name but sounds like a really nice girl - I just really hope they can find one another because from the sounds of things she is just very shy where Zane, he just isnt. So, I lean up against a large rock and look up at the stars and notice the big dipper out over Lake Erie. I pull my phone out and text Ethan back.

Me- The big dipper looks like is scooping Lake Erie (I chuckle to myself)

Ethan - Where are you?

Me - A party

Ethan - Where?

Me- Doesn't matter.

Ethan - Morgan, where are you? Please, I need to talk to you.

Me: Ugh, buzz kill - I'm on the beach like 4 football fields to the right of Hotel Breakers

Ethan: k

I laugh at the phone, mostly because Melissa would not fit in with this crowd down here, we are all artsy and she is well all head cheerleader. Goodness, I'm bitter. I continue to look up at the stars and sip on another luke warm budlight from my solo cup when I notice him. He is sprinting down the beachline and I suddenly feel nearly n***d - like, what was I thinking - why is he coming down here alone. f**k. I scramble to try and get to my feet before he gets to me but fail. He spots me, still my clumsy self only now I'm drunk too and can barley stand. He comes over and pushes me gently back toward the ground, "Don't hurt yourself Mo, I'll take a seat next to you," he soothes.

I melt. I f*****g melt all over again. He sits right next to me and we both just sit there akwardly for a handful of minutes, I can hear his heavy breaths start to relax as he catches his breath. I decide ill break the tension, mostly thanks to liquid courage, "Why did you come here Ethan?" He looks over at me, "Why did you leave?" I look back up to the stars, "Because, I couldn't be there anymore." He grabs my forearms in an attempt to get me to look at him, "Why. Tell me why Morgan." I pull my arm from his graps trying my hardest to ignore the tingles that were where his hands just were. I don't know how to respond, my mind is running a mile a minute and I'm struggling to not vomit and cry all at the same time but instead words I've practiced saying spill from my lips... "Because of you, Ethan. I left because of you. Is that what you came here to hear? Welp. There you go, now you can go back to your girlfriend Melissa, she is still here isnt she? What are you doing Ethan?"

He is trying despratley to look into my eyes, to find what, I'm not sure. "Morgan...I" I somehow find my footing and pull myself up, "No, you don't get to come here and do this s**t. You don't. You were supposed to be my best friend you were supposed to be, you were supposed to be mine and you messed everything up. You are with her. Please, go and leave me alone." I start to walk away and he again grabs my forearm and pulls me back to face him. "Morgan, I'm so sorry," he says as he pulls me into a hug. I give in for a brief second and realize my error I push using both hands against his chest.

"What the f**k do you think you're doing, get away from her!" Zane comes blazing in what looks like a superman suit or at least thats how my drunken mind pictured him. He pushes Ethan away from me, being nearly the same size he makes it clear he has overstepped. I slide into Zanes side and he wraps his arm around my shoulder, "Why did you have your hands on my girlfriend?" Ethan takes a step back and looks toward me, I smile sheepishly into zanes shoulder trying my best to hold my emotion and not laugh at Zanes boldness. "Girlfriend," Ethan questions? Zane, "Oh s**t! You must be the ex best friend, oh f*****g hell your name its slipping my mind, Evan right?" Zane points toward Ethan emphasizing he is speaking about him. Ethan corrects him, "It's Ethan." Where Zane pulls me in closer, "my apologies, you haven't really be brought up a ton, only that you were part of her past. I've got news for you Ethan, I'm going to be the biggest part of her future so do yourself a favor and choke down whatever courage it was that brought you out here and walk away before I make you regret laying your hands on her in the first place." The crowd that has formed behind us all lets out a chant of "OOOoo's" Ethan looks to me one last time with pure despiration on his face and turns and walks back toward the hotel.

Zane waits a couple minutes before he turns back to me, "Oh thank the f*****g lords, I thought I was going to have to kiss you." I punch him in the shoulder. He whispers in my ear, "tell me everything later." I nod and we rejoin the party.