My Only One

Ohio is for Lovers

As a last minute ditch effort I decided to apply to work at Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio for the summer. They allow you to have room and board there essentially and it would allow me to get away from Ethan and well time to think for myself. My therapist indicated too it was a good move to allow some distance. My parents were not keen on the idea thinking that I would be leaving for college next year and they wanted more time with me, but respected my decision and allowed me to go for the summer. Andrew came over and made sure I would be back in time for two of a days starting in late July and I assured him I would. As I began walking to my Honda CRV Ethan came running across the front yard and threw me into a giant bear hug where he picked me up and spun me around like I weighed nothing. For a breif second I allowed myself to smile looking down on him as he set me down back to the earth. He was searching my eyes probably trying to figure out what has been wrong with me without simply asking the question... but he doesn't. Instead he kisses my temple and tells me to drive safe and to keep in touch - this was literally the clodest interaction we have ever encountered and it left me empty - more empty than I have been in months.

I got in the car and looked back at my combined neighbor family along with my own smiled and waved them good bye as I pulled out of the drive way. Of course it wouldn't be a swift kick in the a*s if I didn't get to see Melissa's car pass me on the way out - perfect.

The five and a half hour long drive is pretty chill, listening to the Morbid podcast and the start to a couple of audiobooks I just couldnt get into. When I get into Sandusky and find where I will be lodging I send a quick text to "the group" which is My mom, dad, Liz, Andrew, Ethan and his brother Easton. We usually only use this group to say where we are, if a package got left at the opposite house or scores of games when the other family cannot be present. Today, it was used by me for almost the first time, "I'm here - see you in 2 months." Which was responded by Andrew, Liz and my parents sending the Heart Emoji, Easton telling me he cannot wait to come visit me and then nothign from Ethan. I suppose if the shoe fits.

As I get into my 1 bedroom dorm-ish room that has a bed, desk, small kitchen and closet for my clothes fitted with a stand up shower and toliet off to the side in a very small bathroom. It's a tight space, but it will work. I start work tomorrow morning so, today I plan on getting myself comfortable and aquainted with my neighbors for the next two months. After unpacking my clothes my mother sends me a text, "Miss you already." I smile at my phone, she and I have always been really close but I've never been able to tell her or anyone for that matter how I feel about Ethan and I think I've strained a lot of relationships because of it. I don't respond to my mother but I simply turn my phone on silence and head out the door to the commotion I hear coming from outside my window.

When I get outside there are a ton of college kids surrounding a basketball court on some picnic tables talking, I do as my therapist said and throw myself out there and start introducing myself. Now, typically I am the shy girl. I stick to the sidelines if you will, but I 've become detached from myself these last couple years and I am truly trying to find me again and this, this is the best way to re-open myself up and allow myself to feel. I meet a handful of really nice girls Lindsey, Keri and Cailyn all of which who are in college and are working here to avoid going back to their hometowns. I also meet Zane. Zane is very tall, athletically built and tells me he plays basketball for a D2 college in Ohio and is here to avoid going home to his parents who just split up. Alright, baggage-- my guy. I cling to him immediatley. Not because he is attractive but because I know I can get along with him based on our breif convo - he is a safe space for me.

So they give us an allowance to be able to eat while we are in the park, but also give us money to be able to eat out within the city of sandusky. We don't get paid until tomorrow, so I decide to take Zane out to this taco place called Barra. When we get there he pulls my seat away from the table to allow me to sit down like a gentleman would. We discuss our lives, I tell him everything besides the fact that I'm in love with my lifelong best friend. He tells me he is really into a girl back at college but is afraid to tell her - and just like that it hits me all at once. This was the person I needed in my life, this tall a*s dude to help repair me amd in doing so repair him too.

That night he ends up coming back to my room we lay and talk about EVERYTHING. I unturn every stone, cry and explain that the whole reason I'm here is because I've lost myself being so consumed with the grief of losing someone who was 1. never mine and also who was right in front of me. I sarcasticallly tell him that Taylor Swifts, "You belong with me" Song was literally written about this whole situation and that I always sort of hoped that it would work out, but for the first time I'm actually starting to see clear. Zane listens and too pours his soul out to me about the girl he wants but is afraid to open himself up to. We both exhaust ourself into sleep and are woken by the loud thuds against my door. To my suprise when I open it Keri is staring at me with daggers in her eyes, "Hurry up you two the bus to the park leaves in 5 minutes." s**t, so much for waking up earlier and getting my cup of jo to start the day. Both Zane and I fly to get ready getting on our uniforms and rushing out the door both laughing histerically of our mishap.

Zane looks over at me on the bus, "We should document this day so we always remember it. You know how f*******: does that 'on this day thing'" I look over at him and nudge my eyes, I haven't been very present on social media, I have them sure but I don't really post things. I tell him this and he says he will do it and tag me in the post - I shrug and say sure. He takes a selfie of the two of us on the bus to the park with the caption: "Only me and my new best friend Morgan almost missed our first day on the job at CP thanks to extremly late juicy convos." The picture is one of us both smiling and with the tag now the whole world or at least my world from Muskegon will now see it. Part of me dreads that, I don't want people thinking I'm sleezy when I wasn't truly doing anything. Zane must notice my distress, "Don't worry. No one is thinking anything - other than jealousy." He winks at me

A small spark in my belly forms and I wonder to myself if Ethan would be jealous if he saw me with another guy? Would he be jealous like I had of him and Mel? Frankly, it doesn't matter I am going to enjoy my time here in Sandusky with Zane and maybe just fricken maybe come back better than I have been.