Only Close When I’m About to Lose You

Confronting Everything

Late spring brought warm sunlight, and the crabapple trees lining the streets were budding with new life. Everywhere Leah looked, there was a sense of vitality.

Walking down the sidewalk, she pulled out a small notebook and flipped to the first page. The bolded words at the top read: **"Bucket List."**

She had spent hours writing it last night, listing a total of 100 wishes—things she wanted to complete in the last six months of her life, solely for herself.

No. 1: Get a perm.

No. 2: Dye my hair.

Her mother had always taught her that a proper socialite had to have long, golden hair. For 24 years, Leah had maintained shoulder-length locks, never letting it grow past her waist. Sometimes, due to dieting and malnutrition, her hair became dull and brittle, and she was forced to dye it to keep up appearances.

She hated it.

Absolutely despised it.

---

At 5 PM, after paying for her salon visit, Leah received a call from Frederick. He simply asked, “Where are you?”

She stepped out of the salon and immediately spotted a Cullinan parked on the side of the road, its hazard lights flashing. Leah jogged over and got into the back seat. The car smoothly drove off toward The Carter Family estate.

The atmosphere inside the car was silent. Eric, the driver, focused on the road ahead. Leah leaned against the window, separated from Frederick by a not-too-wide, not-too-narrow space. Glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, she noticed his tailored suit and the wedding ring on his left hand, which caught the sunlight streaming into the car.

In the two years of their marriage, Leah had probably only seen Frederick five or six times. He traveled frequently, usually only returning to Los Angeles for Christmas, New Year’s, or Alexander’s birthday.

They didn’t interact much. He was cold and rarely spoke. When they were alone at Orchard View Villa, he treated her like she didn’t exist. He never initiated conversation, and even if she greeted him, he’d respond with nothing more than a grunt.

It was clear. He had no feelings for her.

However, he always wore his wedding ring. Leah had once heard Eric mention why: first, because it was expected of a married man; second, because, as Frederick put it, “It saves me a lot of trouble.”

In the world of high finance, socializing often involved temptations, and with Frederick’s looks and talent, there were plenty of women trying to get close to him. But ever since he started wearing the ring, those advances had disappeared.

He liked that kind of cleanliness.

“What are you looking at?”

Frederick had opened his eyes at some point, his deep, low voice pulling Leah’s attention. She instinctively looked up, locking eyes with his dark gaze—eyes that were sharp, like a falcon’s.

He had strikingly beautiful eyes, the type known as phoenix eyes. But his aloof personality made it impossible for others to appreciate this beauty for long, as his cold demeanor always drove people away. Even now, despite the warm sunlight outside, he seemed distant and unapproachable.

Leah replied, “I’m looking at you.”

Her two simple words created a strange silence in the car. Leah’s calm gaze made it seem like she was born to observe him, staring openly without fear. This was a stark contrast to the Leah of before—the one who would lower her eyes, timid and careful, whenever speaking to him.

Her frankness made Frederick feel a bit uncomfortable. He was the first to look away, choosing not to continue the conversation.

Since yesterday, after returning to Los Angeles, he had noticed a significant change in her. Not just in her appearance, but in her behavior as well. He didn’t bother to dig deeper; he had no interest in her.

For the rest of the drive, they remained silent.

The car eventually pulled up to the Carter family mansion. Frederick and Leah got out one after the other, and she linked her arm with his as they walked into the courtyard. There were many people gathered for the family dinner, with the women chatting in the hall.

Leah chose a seat off to the side, listening quietly to their conversations. After about ten minutes, the room suddenly fell silent. Leah turned her head and saw Quinlan, accompanied by the butler, entering the room.

Alexander was the head of the family, but his wife, Quinlan, held the position of matriarch. People said that in her younger days, Quinlan was just as formidable as Alexander, only stepping down from her role at CEG due to her declining health in recent years.

Quinlan took the central seat, smiling politely at everyone before directing her gaze at Leah. “Leah, how are things with Frederick lately? He’s difficult to approach, so you must be patient with him.”

Leah replied bluntly, “I don’t plan on being patient.”

Her words left everyone stunned. Quinlan’s face twitched slightly in response, clearly not expecting such a reply. Sensing her displeasure, the other women in the room quickly jumped in to criticize Leah.

“You dyed your hair? That’s bad for your health and could affect fertility. You shouldn’t dye it anymore.”

“And you’re wearing a short skirt? You’re married now, so you shouldn’t dress so provocatively.”

“Our Carter family values tradition, Leah. You’ve been married into the family for two years, but it seems you still haven’t learned our ways.”

“Someone should give her a copy of the family rules so she can study them properly.”

These relatives were opportunists, always siding with Quinlan. Their children couldn’t compete with Frederick’s success, so they harbored resentment, though they didn’t dare confront him directly. Instead, they took their frustrations out on Leah.

In the past, Leah would have endured this. Her upbringing had taught her never to talk back to her elders.

But now, with death looming over her, she feared nothing. Leah smiled. “It’s best to let nature take its course. Unlike you, Auntie, who spent decades trying to have a child, going through IVF and medications, only to end up with nothing to show for it. Wasn’t that a waste of time, effort, and money?”

“Has Frederick’s wife become this sharp-tongued recently?”

“I’m not as good as you, Aunt. When you caught your husband with his mistress at the hotel last year, you managed to say more in five minutes than an entire street full of people. I wanted to ask how you could talk so much without pausing to breathe. Is it some hidden power you unleash when you’re furious?”

“How dare you speak to your elders like this?”

“I don’t know. Don’t normal people use their mouths to talk? I’m normal. As for you, Aunt, I’m not sure.”

Quinlan tried to mediate with a smile, “Leah, everyone here cares about you and Frederick. That’s why they’re offering advice, as part of the family.”

Normally, when an elder said something like this, the younger generation would know to back down. But Leah had no intention of doing so. She stood up, her eyes fixed on Quinlan.

“Is it concern or malice? Let’s not kid ourselves. Frederick is your illegitimate son. Five years ago, you had no choice but to acknowledge him as part of The Carter Family. He’s exceptional. In just five years, he’s achieved heights that your pampered sons couldn’t even dream of. You’re all jealous, but you won’t admit it openly, so you g**g up on me.”

“Don’t talk about ‘family.’ Tell me, Mrs. Carter, do you truly accept Frederick as your son? Haven’t you thought about killing him? After all, if he were gone, your sons—one of whom is over thirty and still a failure, and the other who isn’t too bright—would inherit more of the family fortune. Maybe even CEG’s leadership would fall into their hands.”

Quinlan’s grip on the armrest tightened. She struggled to maintain a polite smile, but her eyes betrayed her fury. Leah could tell that if they were alone, Quinlan would tear her apart.

Leah shrugged. She didn’t care. After all, she only had 179 days left to live. She might as well live them as she pleased.

If they had the guts, they could take their complaints to Frederick.

As this thought formed on her lips, Leah’s gaze landed on the doorway where Frederick was standing, half-hidden behind a screen. She hadn’t noticed when he had arrived.