The Best of Both Worlds

8. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

“Susanna Tawnie, you are so going to get busted.” Anne Stafford slid the dresses that were too small for her to the right of the rack. “The three of you live together in the same apartment. How do you expect to sleep with both of them without them finding out?”

Susanna just stared at the clothes in front of her, not seeing them. After Brandon returned to work, she had tried to take a nap, but her tortured conscience wouldn’t leave her alone. Instead, she called her best friend for some shopping therapy. “I don’t know. I never meant for this to happen.” Hell, she wasn’t even sure how it happened. It was like someone else was controlling her decisions. Both men made her feel different things, and she craved them both. “Oh, god, what am I going to do?”

“Keep f*****g them both until all hell breaks loose. In the meantime, start saving for a new apartment. You’ll need it, eventually.” Anne pulled a short skirt from the rack, holding it against her. “What do you think about this?”

“I think you’re not helping me?”

Anne glanced up at her, a smirk creasing her face. “I’ll help. Which one do you want me to f**k?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Susanna took a deep breath. She didn’t know what she meant, to be honest. Everything had gotten so out of hand she wasn’t sure what she was doing any more. What she knew was that she couldn’t walk away. Not yet. She knew she needed to choose between Caiden and Brandon, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The truth was, she wanted them both. She was stalling for that very reason. She just couldn’t choose between them. They were two different men, opposite sides of the same coin. Caiden was soft, romantic. He liked fine dining and writing cheesy poems. Brandon was demanding, more dominant. He preferred structure whereas Caiden was spontaneous, spur of the moment. Combined, they met every one of her fantasies and dreams. How could she give that up?

“I know what you meant, but there’s no helping you.” Anne held the skirt out, flipping it one way, then the other. “I think I’ll try this on.” She allowed her arm to fall to her side as she faced her friend. “Look, babe. You have two men wanting to rock your world. You’re already banging them both. There’s no way this will end well.” She stopped, tilting her head. “Have you told them you love them? Tell me you haven’t used the L word of death.”

Susanna said nothing. Instead, she picked up a short blue jean skirt and examined it, thinking how odd it was to be contemplating such a skimpy outfit while It’s a Marshmallow World filtered through the speakers overhead. Christmas in Florida was just like the Fourth of July, only the color of the decorations was red and green, instead of red and blue. It really made it hard to get into the Christmas spirit.

“Oh, my god, you did.” Anne stared at her, eyes wide. “You told one of them you love them. Which one? Brandon? I bet it’s Brandon.”

Susanna took a deep breath. She didn’t want to lie to her friend. She hated lying, which sounded hypocritical, she knew, since she was lying to both of her roommates. Well, not technically lying, she justified. I never told them I wasn’t seeing the other one. No. She was deceiving them both and that made her a liar. Still, she couldn’t lie to Anne.

Of course, that didn’t mean she wanted to admit how screwed up she was, either.

“It’s not Brandon?” Anne really looked disappointed. “But Caiden seems so… so… soft.”

“He is soft. And romantic. He does sweet things, like buying me flowers or lighting candles while we’re having dinner.” She smiled as she thought of the last time the two of them had a romantic dinner out on the balcony. He had soft music playing in the background, a bottle of Zinfandel breathing on the table with white candles flickering their tiny flames in the soft breeze. He wrote her poetry and sent her song lyrics he said reminded him of them as a couple. He even collected shells off the beach for her, some of which he turned into a bracelet or necklace. What woman didn’t appreciate a soft touch from her lover?

Yet, Brandon was the complete opposite. He wanted structure and ritual, his meals prepared a certain way, and his clothes laid out every morning, pressed, and in a certain order. He preferred s*x rough, with him in complete control. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be soft and tender. He was. Yet, it was usually after he had s*****d her a*s a glowing red and f****d her until she collapsed from exhaustion. He made lists whereas Caiden went with the moment. They were opposite ends of the spectrum, and the truth was, she loved them both.

“You what?” Anne stared at her, eyebrows raised, eyes wide.

“I love them both,” Susanna repeated. “I can’t help it, Anne. They both make me feel different things. They mean different things to me. I love them both the same, but for different reasons.”

Anne hung the skirt back on the rack. “You’re a greedy little b***h, aren’t you?” She was smiling as she said it, her auburn hair dangling in front of her chocolate eyes.

Susanna shrugged. “I can’t help it. They both complete parts of me I didn’t even know were there. They each force me to see the world differently. I love being with both of them.” She dropped her hands to her sides. “I’m so screwed.”

Anne let out a burst of laughter. “Apparently, you’re screwed a lot.” She waggled her eyebrows at Susanna. “C’mon. I want all the slippery details.”

While her best friend didn’t receive the details she was drooling for, Susanna told her enough to have the woman begging for more. She even held out her wrists, so Anne could see the fading marks from the ropes Brandon had used on her during his lunch break earlier. Susanna caressed the pink marks, remembering the sensation of being completely helpless and at his mercy. He could have done anything to her and she would not have been able to stop him. The way he made her body surrender to his will captivated her from the first time they were together, opening a need in her she didn’t know existed, a need she was desperate to explore.

“What happens if Caiden sees these marks?”

“I don’t know. So far, except for a bruise on my a*s from a s******g Brandon gave me, most of the marks have faded by the time Caiden has seen me n***d. That bruise I blamed on a corner of the counter and, luckily, he believed me. I’m not sure what will happen if he sees a mark I can’t explain.”

“Girl, you’re playing with fire. It’d be one thing if they were both normal in the bedroom. You might string it out longer. But with Master Freak leaving marks on your body, your little game will be up before you need to change the sheets. Then, you’re not only going to lose both of them, but you’ll wind up homeless, as well. They definitely won’t want to keep living with you. There’s no way they’d trust you after this.”

Susanna didn’t need reminding of the landmine she stepped on with the potential to blow her world to shreds. She knew well enough of the perpetual destruction about to consume her. It was a risk she knew she was taking when she entered Brandon’s lifestyle over Thanksgiving. For the past few months, she witnessed Brandon with his girlfriend, Molly, heard the noises coming from his bedroom. Susanna knew it was not a traditional relationship, knew Brandon preferred his dynamics a little more on the kinkier side of the sheets. She was curious about all of it, but was afraid of saying anything to Caiden, because he always ridiculed their roommate’s idea of relationships. Yet, she desired to know more. Her intrigue opened a door to a world she thought only existed in romance novels. She was wrong. So very wrong.