Redeeming Heart

Desciplined

I stood next to the sidewalk where my father left me, wondering if it was worth it to go back home and have to deal with all of this in the morning. Gazing over my shoulder at the precinct and considering going back in than I remembered that no one would hear me out because of my record. I’ve made things pretty unbearable for them during these past three years so I don’t blame them for hating me.

Swallowing my pride, I decided to take the dark road home on my feet as I had no money and to call a cab was worthless as our home was just around the corner from here.

My father was still awake when I arrived home. He was waiting for me outside on the stairs leading up to the front door.

I evaluated my next move and was planning on just keeping my mouth shut, and go upstairs to my room but my father had other ways of ruining the night.

“Do you have any idea how difficult this is?” He questioned looking up at me wearing the tired and hopeless expression I have caused over the period of three years.

I stayed quiet letting him talk and express how difficult life has become for him while he is planning on getting remarried to a woman who wasn’t my mother.

“I’ve tried to be patient with you and tried to empathize with your mood swings but tonight you’ve only proven to me that you are irresponsible.”

“Irresponsible?” Was this a joke?

“You left me at the precinct and let me walk at this hour when you were the one who always told me to never walk this late.” I reminded him.

“It’s not like you ever listened to me.” He remarked.

He was being unfair and delusional or maybe even blind to see what I am going through. He didn’t understand what he was doing to me by moving on after my mother passed away and bringing another woman into our home, and his bedroom.

He didn’t take time off from work or from life to cry about my mother’s passing. A woman who was his first love, wife and a mother.

“That’s why starting from tomorrow you are dropping Jonah off at school, picking him up and taking him to practice. Once you are done you will be expected to show up at Maggie's pub for your first shift." He handed out orders expecting me to obey them.

“No, way in hell, are you going to force to have a relationship with the woman you are sleeping with, child.” I protested.

“This is not a discussion, Sasha.” He said standing up.

“Well, you can’t force me either.” I insisted.

“If you want to continue to live here you will do as I say or you can take your things and go.” He would throw me out of our own home.

“Then I’ll leave. You’ve always wanted me to go since you brought Meredith into your home.” I started heading up the stairs but he stopped me by softly grabbing me by my upper arm.

“That’s not true.” He tried to assure me but I knew better. I was fucken lost and needed his help to get me back on track but instead, he is pushing me further away from him.

“Isn’t it? Then why haven’t you and I had a decent conversation in three years? Mom died and our wounds hasn’t even healed and already you brought this woman into our home.” I argued, pulling my arm free from his hold.

“That woman you referring to is my fiancé.” He urged as if it would change the way I see her.

“And I am your daughter. Your blood. Yet, you treat me as if I died alongside mom.” I know I was stating things that should be left for another day but I don’t see that day happening soon.

“How am I supposed to react when my daughter keeps getting arrested?” His voice became harsh and cold.

“Is that really all you care about? Or is it because you are someone important and you are afraid of the people above you will say?”

“I am supposed to enforce the law’s rules but how can I when my daughter doesn’t even obey my simple house rules, and who keeps getting her ass locked up.”

“What kind of example are you when you don’t even want to protect innocent women from men who are monsters? When are you going to give them their voice back? Or is it all about money for you or how many lives you can destroy?”

“I care, Sasha.” He insisted.

“Not from where I am standing,” I remarked with a blink.

He lowered his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he gave a tired sigh. “Don’t you think we had enough of this conversation?”

“What conversation? We barely talk about what happened to mom or anything besides how disappointed you are in me.”

He stood up without uttering a word and the silence was slowly consuming the last piece of conversation we had in years, and I wasn’t going to let it end before it even started.

My father stared up at the stars expecting to see her in the night sky but he was only met by a dark sky, stars and a moon. “She’s gone, Sasha and she’s never coming back.” He spoke with such an open mind that he started forgetting that I couldn’t let go of her—not yet.

“It’s time for you to accept that and move on.” Moving on, he meant to forget about mom and every single piece of history of her. Push her completely out of our lives and pretend to never know her.

“Like you have?” I pushed the front door open and made my way inside.

My father followed close by and shut the door behind him. I didn’t even think about dinner all I cared about is taking a shower and going to bed.

"Oh, you also have a curfew from now on." My feet halted as his words registered and I whirled around.

"You got to be shitting me, dad. I am nineteen. Not sixteen." I protested. I have never had a curfew and he can’t possibly do this to me.

"When you start acting nineteen maybe I will start treating you like an adult."