Someone I'm Not

4. We all have "something"

"Ahhhh!!!" Phoenix screams on top of his lungs as Eduardus crosses his hand on his chest, rolling his eyes as he stands there comfortably. Eduardus is already used to transporting like this, and it is making Phoenix more uncomfortable.

"I think. . . I think I'm going to throw up." Phoenix breathes as he massages his chest to where his heart rests.

"What the- No! Don't you dare!" Eduardus looks at him in disbelief but soon is changed when Phoenix suddenly covers his mouth like he's trying to hold it back. Panic arises inside him as he approaches Phoenix, who is already pale.

"No! You have got to hold it until we get there!"

"F*CK YOU! You're not even helping!" Phoenix growls as he feels his head spinning as well as his stomach twisting. The food he just took is already upon his throat, and it's getting more and more intense for him.

"I thought you're into good rides!" He responds after realizing he isn't. Phoenix pauses as he tries to gulp it back in, making Eduardus groan in disgust, taking a step back and turning his back on him. "Ew! You are the most disgusting client I have ever had!" He complains

.

"I think I can manage." He slowly stands back up to compose himself. At the same time, the portal grows wide open, revealing them into another dimension. Eduardus moans in relief.

"Finally!" He mumbles as he throws another gaze in Phoenix's direction before dusting the invisible dirt from his coat. "Brace yourself."

"Brace to- Ahhhhh!" Before he could even continue, a strong gush of air strikingly pulls him out of the portal, making him scream and has been removed with zero percent readiness.

"Tss. Humans." He mumbles one more before he jumps out of the opening. He effortlessly lands on both of his feet while Phoenix is already kissing the white sand. But just before Eduardus can reach out and get him back to his feet, Phoenix quickly pushes him away as he starts to throw up. That instantly send him back to where he stood, looking out and groaning in disdain.

"What the f*ck! I thought you'd handle it nicely!" He complains as he starts to smell the reeking scent of mixed foods and beverages. He immediately feels like he's about to throw up, but the feeling quickly disappears when Eduardus got interrupted with a loud bang.

He stands up almost quickly as the ground in front of them lifts and emerges into a wall. The foundation didn't stop from shaking like there's an earthquake to where they stand.

"Hey. . . Hey, get ready!" Eduardus nudges Phoenix quickly. Luckily, he is already done vomiting. He uses his sleeves to wipe his lips as he receives a groan from his guardian. Moments later, the wall made from the ground cracks in half, making Phoenix flinch. His eyes are already wide open. Amusement and fright are shouting all over his body before his body shifts behind Eduardus, who is confidently standing.

"How can you manage to be f*cking this confidence when you see the world splitting in half!?" He shouts, trying to beat the noise that's been too loud for him to hear.

"Are you kidding me!? That's what you want to ask right now!?" Eduardus couldn't believe his ears as a wall separates completely, leaving a gap between them. A light suddenly erupts in the middle, making him peek at it with the use of his hand to cover from too much of the bright white light.

"Don't embarrass me in front of my goddess. You got it?" He sounds intimidating and too confident that he almost cannot chew it. Phoenix is the total opposite of the man in front of him. And at some point, it is a bit of a pang in his identity, for he cannot stand out.

As the light illuminates from the dark space between the ground that became a wall in a twist of a short time, a sudden figure forms from it. Although at a great distance he couldn't seem to guess what or who it is, he soon decided to fetch his gaze back at the back of the man in front of him. There's no denying that he is indeed afraid, but for some reason, it wasn't what he expected that he could be worried about. He knew he's frightened of something else now.

As the image ultimately becomes clear into his eyes, he gasps at how impossible for someone to look so powerful. He knew that he's used to seeing his professors in their glasses, enough to intimidate him. But this time, it is something more. He gulps, not knowing what to do next. As if the time stops or he had just frozen, feeling too numb even to tell if he's moving or enduring the cold wind blowing gently.

Eduardus turns to Phoenix as he grips both of his shoulders. "What are you doing!?" Phoenix asks, not being able to control himself from trembling.

"Do you really want to face a queen with a shaking body and WITH NO CONFIDENCE? At all?" He asks that made him blink. And then again, it hurts him to hear someone doubt him. It made him question himself even more.

'Do I really want that?' He asks himself. He sighs as he tries his best to shake his doubt for a second before feeling a cold breeze hitting his skin. But before he could even compose himself and convince his confidence, it quickly got shattered when the woman talks.

"My loyal orderly, Eduardus. Don't be too harsh on the kid, will you?"

Hearing her voice surprised Phoenix. He didn't expect a deity to have such a calm and soft voice when all he had seen from the movies and portrayed differently. He gulps, not showing any signs of knowledge of what is going on.

"Oh, my queen." Eduardus quickly shifts his attention to the queen as he kneels in front of her. Phoenix didn't know what to do next, whether he should just stand up or pretend to be genius and kneel as well. Before he gets to do anything, Eduardus pulls him by his hand to go down on both knees. As they're both on the floor, Phoenix follows as he bows his head as well.

"Rise." It only took one word to pull them back on their feet in a split second. As they stand at a great distance from them, The Goddess' official held a scroll in his hand. He has a crooked smile painted on his lips as he stretches the sheet. He heaves a breath before reading what's written on the paper. "Let's get down to business." She looks at the official.

"Goddess Dyke Of House Justice, we present to you a young man, who does NOT have the finest record you have ever expected." Goddess Dyke's eyes are focused on him, making him look down on his shoes. Even if he's trying to dodge glares, he can still feel their gazes like newly sharpened daggers, targeting him all over his body. It makes him anxious.

"He is a son who would only wish to rebel about anything. He would do things that would be the total opposite of a fine man's qualification! He defied his parents, he refused to follow the rules, and now, he is right there, standing shamelessly in front of you!" The man with the scroll shifts his position to face the goddess, still gripping the scroll into his hand.

"Goddess Dyke of House Justice, there is already a piece of evidence that he doesn't need a second chance! Why happened to him is what we already called karma, and that this is the p*****t for his attitude from the living world! Torment!" The man shows signs of anger. Quickly, Eduardus lifts his head to meet the man's gaze. For a second, they did the staredown contest before Eduardus decides to change his gaze's positions.

"Yes, that's true." Phoenix flinches as Eduardus takes a step forward; his mood suddenly changes. "He is a bad child, who did these bad things towards the persons who love him the most. Instead of receiving those love and support, he rather chooses to throw them away."

He didn't stop marching forward until he's in-between Phoenix and the elevated platform to where the queen is standing. His back is facing Phoenix that makes him feel hurt. He wanted to say something to defend himself, he wanted to take a step forward and have the courage to tell the truth, that he's doing his best to change, but at the same time, he feels belittled, weak, for he is judged as the stupid kid.

But then, Eduardus turns sideways as he stretches his hand to point him. "But we also know that he died unfairly, my queen!"

His eyes brighten as he hears Eduardus talk again. Their eyes meet as he sees an unreadable expression from the man.

"We know he had made something wrong, but we know he starts to do things in the right way. We knew he's up for a second chance, and I think that he deserves it."

The official with the scroll responds.

"Outrageous!" He turns his attention to Phoenix as he points at him. "He doesn't deserve a second chance!"

"You're being unreasonable as to why we should NOT give this man a chance at fixing himself!"

"It's because he has done enough, guardian Eduardus!"

"But that's not the point here! The point here is that this kid right here just died and must bring forth justice—"

"Enough!" Goddess Dyke's voice is enough to make both men stop. Dyke's eyes then land on the man who is standing uncomfortable, a bit far behind where Eduardus is standing.

"Young man, look at me." The Goddess demanded his attention, and he skeptically raises his gaze to meet hers. He gulps as he comes to realize how intimidating those pair of gray eyes the queen has.

"My queen, he's still in the process—"

"I am not talking to you, Eduardus." That calm voice makes him shiver even more. Eduardus looks at him with worry, not wanting to blow this chance off. Even if he still can't figure out what is directly happening, he had no choice but to talk for himself.

"Yes, Queen Dyke?" The deity eyed her for a second before responding.

"Why should I give you a second chance to live?" That question seems to sting, directly attacking his conscience.

'Do I deserve a second chance?'

He looks around to see three pairs of eyes looking at him, waiting for his answer.

"I don't know if I should be deserving of that chance, Goddess of Justice." He stated that makes Eduardus sigh, not expecting what he heard. A grin forms onto the official's lips, a sign of victory. But instead of getting distracted, he continues to talk.

"I don't think I'm more deserving as much of the other kids who earn a spot at a second chance. . ." he pauses as he clears his throat, trying to stop himself from getting emotional. But then, he doesn't want to lie to himself anymore.

"Goddess, I know I've made A LOT of mistakes that I know I won't be able to turn back, I've committed bad things that had led me through the darkness that I have to endure for a long time, but I've tried my best. I don't even understand why am I here! . . But then, before I had the chance to enjoy my time with the most precious person in my life, there's an unexpected thing that had happened, and I didn't get the chance to even meet her. And it makes me feel so bad to think if she waited for me long enough that it almost freezes her to death. . . I don't know if she came looking for me or did she just gave up on me when I was dealing with a person who I didn't expect to be snatching the life I'm trying to fix. Before I close my eyes that moment, I wished I have seen his face or her. I just wish I had a good glance at the person who did this to me. But then, I don't.

I know you'll doubt me for having a bad record, but can you just instead give me a second to see that precious woman I've been expecting to meet? Can I just hug her even in her dreams? Can you just at least make me talk to her in her dreams, to say goodbye?

I know I don't deserve to have a second chance because, yeah, I hated myself. I regretted doing those things I don't even know the reason why I did it in the first place. And if I have the chance, I would never want to live in this body either!. But, this is me. . . Goddess Dyke, can you just grant one wish of mine to talk to her? I just want to say I'm sorry. But if this reason is not enough, then I'll trust you with your fair judgement."

He didn't know tears are already flowing out of his eyes. It crumbles his heart to admit to himself that he went mad before. That he hated himself. He despises himself.  He doesn't want to live in that body if only he has the chance.

Silence fills the air as they find the exact words to tell after hearing what Phoenix had to tell. And even Eduardus didn't expect him to say all that.

A cracked laugh breaks the pause. It was the official who laughs, making the rest of them look at him.

"He already said what he has to say, my queen—"

"Houdini?" Goddess Dyke throws a glance in his direction for a split second before he bows down his head and keeps silent. She then shifts her attention back to Phoenix who is patiently and awkwardly standing, still waiting for her.

"I admire your honesty, Mister Oasis, but. . ." she delays as she stares at Phoenix's eyes, trying to read any hint that he's lying. Instead, she sees something else. "I don't want you to feel that you don't deserve it just because you've made mistakes in your past."

Phoenix keeps silent as he doesn't want to ruin the moment, also because he doesn't know how and what to expect.

"I see something in you that I've never seen to any other else before and it screams justice. After all, I am the Goddess of Justice."

She pauses again as she snaps her fingers, then a cloud of golden dust appears in front of her, forming into a circle. It then starts to show images that almost made him feel like he had skipped a beat!

"Mom!" He sighs in relief to see the face of his mother. "Lil bro!"

"I see passion and determination, Mister Oasis, and that for me is enough to give you the second chance for change in the living world."

She snaps her fingers twice, as the golden dust disappears slowly. The image is blurry now until it became a part of the wind.

"Goddess Dyke—"

"You're something, mister Oasis." She mumbles to herself as a smile forms on her lips.