Someone I'm Not

9. Bending promises till it breaks

Soroya wakes up from the unstoppable buzzing sound of her phone. She reluctantly grabs her phone from the bedside table. She squinches her eyes, trying her best to wake up, but her upper eyelid doesn't seem to be wanting to cooperate anytime sooner, making her force herself even more.

6:45 am

October 15, 2017

Sunday

'What the hell?' She curses to herself, about to go to bed, when the phone vibrates again, but this time, someone is calling.

[Hey, wake up, you donut!]

"Urgh! Just don't shout! My alarm almost destroyed my eardrums, and you want to obliterate it?" She complains as she lazily sits up in bed and stretches before pressing the phone screen into her ears again. 

"Now, what do you want?"

[First of all, I don't want anything, I should be the one asking.]

"Well, I want to get back to bed and sleep. Can I hang up now?"

[If you want to NOT make any progress for today, then yes, you might do so.]

"You're seriously waking me up at this time."

[You just said that your phone alarm just wanted to destroy your eardrums. Shouldn't you be blaming your alarm clock instead of me? I just came second-]

"I'm not arguing with you on this, Guardian Ed." She says as she clicks the speaker button and places down her phone. She looks for her ponytail and magically works on her long hair. Phoenix, being able to possess a woman's body, surprises him to have known trying a hair into a clean bun. After that, she presses the phone into her ears again. "Can we have like, do this by seven or eight?" She suggests before she tiredly gets up from the bed.

[If I agree with this one, would you guarantee me that you'll perfectly go back to sleep?] Eduardus asks, but more like a challenge. Soroya gulps before she nods, even if the person in the other line won't see it.

"Of course, we will surely get back to sleep like a baby." She confidently replies that makes him chuckle.

[Okay, then I guess that's your call. Just give me a call when-]

"Bye, Guardian Ed!" She shouts as she quickly ends the call without waiting for his reply. She falls into her bed again as she stares at the dull ceiling. Being able to live here 24/7 already made a few changes, especially to the reality that he's used to seeing shiny and squeaky clean in every edge. Right now, it is the total opposite: the light is almost untreated in its condition, clothes are everywhere, the bed is a bit uncomfortable for sleep because it's too hard and too rough, the study table has A LOT on top of it, there are webs on the edges of the room also.

Before everything changed so suddenly, before becoming Soroya, he was known to be the "bad boy," but they don't see HOW TIDY he is when it comes to his belongings.

1. His collection of novels should be perfectly arranged wither according to height, thickness, or date when he purchased it, depending on his taste.

2. His clothes should be sorted either according to color, to brand, or even according to style, once again, depending on his taste.

3. He made sure to have one rectangular bookshelf inside his room, not for his collection of novels, but because he collected Action Figures from his all-time favorite movies such as Avengers, Star Wars, and Game of Thrones.

4. He would NOT want others to make his bed because he'll most definitely do it by himself when he wakes up. Also, HE DOESN'T let anyone getting inside his room, not because he's hiding something, but because he doesn't trust them. Not even his mom or his little brother would gain access to it.

5. His study table is spacious enough to fit his books and notes there. It also has multiple drawers where he hides his pens and papers to not get out of stock, especially when he needed those things the most. For him, pen and paper are the essential stuff he could ever bring into school.

"Urgh, there's a lot of things to do here," Soroya mumbles before getting up and walks towards the closet. Sliding the closet door open, he even got frustrated to see HOW UNORGANIZED it is. Tons of shirts are piled up, already making a tower of their own. Some shirts are not appropriately folded, making the tower of clothes bend to the other side, creating a bend line. He's more frustrated now that he realizes that Phoenix is living in a woman's body now and that the only thing he could do is deal with it.

He tries to recall how Soroya dressed up before he went to college, remembering the mustard yellow shirt with one flower print in the middle. He starts looking for it, relieved that he did.

The next thing he dealt with is what jeans would perfectly fit. He's even more surprised to see a 26 size of those jeans, slightly getting jealous because he is 37.

He picks these dark denim High waist wide-leg jeans to pair the shirt perfectly. As a friend, Phoenix is completely aware his friend Soroya loved a broad leg type of jeans.

He rushes out of the room, only to meet Vianne, who is having a coffee as her eyes are glued to the television. Soroya notices that she is wearing nice clothes as if she's going somewhere. Vianne hears the door creeks open, making her turn to face her.

"Oh, you seem to be awake early today?" Vianne asks, which makes her nod.

"Yeah. . . I'm going out."

"With Eduardus?" She asks with something in her tone. Phoenix couldn't grasp what that tone means, but he knew that something is up.

"Yup." She says as she's about to walk into the bathroom when Vianne talks.

"Soroya. . ." She calls out her name gently, making her turn to fave Vianne.

"Yeah?"

"Uhm. . ." Vianne seems hesitant, making Soroya wonders even more. Even if Phoenix just possesses Soroya's body, had could still feel that sometimes, Soroya is still controlling her own body that Phoenix couldn't avoid.

Now, aside from the questions about who his killer is, one question also bothers him.

'If I currently possess Soroya's body and my old self possesses my old body, then, where is Soroya now?' His thoughts suddenly were interrupted when Vianne talks.

"Just be careful, okay?. Don't think of this in the wrong way, okay? I understand that something is going on between you and that Eduardus guy, but I just want you to be extra careful. Now that there are a lot of girls ending up getting their hearts broken because they trusted too much and—"

"Vianne, don't worry too much, okay? I think I can handle Eduardus better than you think. And besides, we're not DATING, dating. We're just, erm. . . I don't even know what to call this thing going on between us." Soroya explains, not wanting to experience a slip of the tongue. This is all part of the act, and that Phoenix has to pull this off without raising any suspicion to Soroya's sister. And because he's handling Soroya's body, he has to act accordingly.

She watches Vianne shakes her head and chuckle.

"Oh, my goodness. You're right, Soroya. Maybe I'm just getting paranoid with it since it was my first time seeing that guy. . . And never mind! So tell me, where are you going exactly?"

Soroya bites her lips, trying to recall where their appointment is today.

"Erm, we are just going to pay my best friend Phoneix a visit!" Vianne's small smile slowly forms in a thin line since she purses her lips. "Is there something wrong?" Soroya asks. Phoenix could feel that something is definitely wrong, but he cannot seem to remember what.

"Uhm, well, you just mentioned to me last week that you both discussed about him moving out of the city because he's going to college and. . ."

The memory of the conversation last week keeps rushing back into his mind, making her realize what happened.

[Flashback]

-one month and three days earlier-

It was already six o'clock in the evening when Vianne and Soroya heard a knock. Both ladies stand up almost instantly, with a big smile, both painted on their lips. Vianne excitedly turns to her younger sister Soroya, who shows hints of nervousness and excitement.

"Okay, so this is like your first date with him, and you look gorgeous!" She complements her, making her blush slightly.

"I didn't put any makeup on, sis! And like I said, he didn't really tell me this is a date because we are JUST friends." She answers, trying to hide the fact that she's thinking the same as her sister.

"Oh, don't be silly, Soroya! We both know you like each other; you're just both in denial because you're friends." Vianne giggles, but Soroya just rolls her eyes.

"You're just thinking things—"

Knock. . . Knock. . . Knock. . .

They both tune their attention on the door as they stay in silence after hearing the second batch of knocks. Milliseconds later, their eyes meet once again. Vianne grins at her, making Soroya raise an eyebrow.

"Well, I bet he's going to admit his feelings for tonight—"

"You know what, Vianne? I'm going now. I'm not going to listen to you blabbering about this and that when it's TOO IMPOSSIBLE for those to happen, especially him admitting—"

Her explanation was cut off short when she unconsciously turns the knob and pulls the door open. Her eyes quickly landed on the man in front of her, who is wearing the same hoodie she's wearing— their friendship hoodie.

Their eyes lock up into each other as Soroya feels her heart thumping faster.

"H-hey!" Soroya stutters when she greets, feeling her cheeks getting warm. Phoenix stares at her for a second before clearing his throat and looking away.

"H-hi, Raya," Phoenix replies, also feeling his cheeks reddening. Silence follows after that, both of them not knowing how to start the conversation.

"So. . ."

"So. . ."

Silence fills the air when they talk in unison. Vianne is just controlling her laughter after seeing how awkward the two people in front of her talk.

'These two are just f*cking adorable!' Vianne thought to herself. Phoenix and Soroya keep looking down on their feet, making Vianne took the chance to interrupt by nudging Soroya from her side secretly before popping out of the door.

"Oh, Phoenix, you're here!"

"Ah, yes! I was just, uh, asking Soroya if she's ready to go out." He finds a good excuse that amazes Vianne on how he sounds so convincing. Maybe if she hasn't heard their AWKWARD conversation, she wouldn't think of it as a lie.

"Well, my sister Soroya is always ready about everything, especially when it comes to love— hmsnshdmdm!" Vianne wasn't able to continue what she's about to say when Soroya rapidly puts her hand to cover her mouth and chuckles. She shyly smiles at Phoenix as she pushes her back.

"Of course, I am! Let's go?" Soroya grabs Phoenix from both of his shoulders as she pushes him through his car.

"Is something wrong with your sister?" Phoenix asks, which makes Soroya shakes her head.

"Nope. Maybe just because she had too much from the coffee."

•••

They're already at the Le Petit Parisla when Phoenix pulls over at an excellent distance to park. Soroya's eyes widen, not expecting where they're going. She then turns her head to Phoenix, who has his eyes entirely focused ahead. She wanted to ask him about it, but instead, a sweeping smile forms on her lips. It is her first time going into that fancy-looking restaurant, and she's a bit excited and nervous at the same time. She then closes the gap as she wraps her hand around his, making Phoenix looks at her.

"What?" Soroya asks.

"Nothing."

Like they're REAL couples, they did enjoy dinner. Even if Soroya felt a bit bad for not paying for her dinner, Phoenix made sure that she doesn't have to worry about it. It is their 5th-year friendsary, and every time they go out and celebrate (even birthdays and when Phoenix calls her to grab a food no matter what time it is), he'll always pay for it.

When they're done with dinner, they step out of the restaurant as they ride their way into the beach. It wasn't expected to be silent since the waves create a large amount of noise, but for some reason, this is a way for them to escape reality. This became a tradition when they celebrate even just friendship day every month. The sound of waves is a tranquility to ears, making them more in love with the ocean.

They both take a seat on the sand they watch the darkened ocean. From the other side are faded, colorful lights, telling them that they're at a reasonable distance from the city.

At first, there's silence. It makes Soroya feel at some point that she's about to listen to a confession she's been wanting to hear for a long time now. Yes, she has feelings for her best friend, but she was afraid of her getting rejected and sacrificing their friendship after. She'd rather keep her sense to herself than destroy her comfortable company with Phoenix.

But maybe, this day would be different.

"Soroya, I have to tell you something."

'OMG! This is it! THIS IS IT!' She screams to herself.

"What is it?" She tries her best to keep the excitement from escaping. She wanted assurance fuss before jumping for joy and saying 'yes, I'll be your girlfriend '—

"I'm moving out of the city."

The words she's been expecting to hear are the complete opposite. Is he moving out? Her best friend leaving her? This sounded too unreal.

"You're what?" She raises the question as her eyes darted on his. Phoenix averted his eyes, now looking down at his feet. Seconds later, she hears him sighing and looking back up fo meet her gaze.

"Ray, I want to be honest with you and tell you this, straight in the eyes. . ."

"What. . . I don't—"

"Look, Ray. I'm heading off to college, and I got accepted to a school I wanted to continue my studies on. The offer is good, and this is also a good chance to prove myself and to others about everything."

"But. . . Since when?" She asks, trying her best not to cry.

"I got the mail six days from now."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Because you're also busy with the reviews for examinations. I don't want you to think about it since after the examination ends."

"And you thought it would be a distraction to me?"

"That's not what I mean. . ."

Soroya chuckles, having the feeling of feeling sad and lonely. "Unbelievable."

"Look, Ray. I know you're upset because we made a promise not to leave the city, but I don't want to be selfish with what I really want—"

"So you decided to be selfish towards me and not tell me because you know how I'll react?"

"Soroya—"

"Is this the reason why we are here? To celebrate our last friendsary before you leave? What a way to ruin the moment."

Soroya stands up and about to walk out when Phoenix stands up and pulls her by the arm. He turns her around so that they would be facing each other.

"I thought you'd support me!?"

"I am! But keeping this from me for six days—"

"I told you my reason! It's because I don't want you thinking about it while you should be giving your full attention to it."

Soroya scoffs that makes Phoenix hurt. He loosens his grip on Soroya's hand as he shakes his head.

"I thought you'd support me because you're my best friend, Soroya. I'm just beyond disappointed."

His words quickly cut her heart open. It is her first time seeing Phoenix, her best friend, too upset about something. And ist because of her.

Soroya stares at him as Phoenix looks on the road. He sighs and clears his throat before talking.

"Let me get you home. It's already getting late."

With that, Miguel walks out there, directly going into his car. Soroya looks into the ocean as she feels a tear rolls down into her cheeks. She secretly wipes it as she sniffs as well.

"Yeah, we definitely should." She mumbles before walking her way into the car.

[End of flashback]