Resisting The Alpha

Chapter 6

Numb.

Is that how you feel when you lose someone who you loved dearly? Someone you loved more than your own life?

Agony.

I wondered how it felt like for him when he died. Was it painful? Was it quick? Did he think about anything when his soul left his body? Or didn't he have the time to even think for a split second?

He didn't even tell me what was that amazing new yet.

A second is all it took for him to leave me forever. It made me realize that no matter how perfect the moment is, if it is not promised for us, then it won't last.

Maybe it just my fate. If Enzo didn't come into my life, then he might be still alive today.

I watched from far as they lowered Enzo's coffin into the ground that they had dug up this morning. His mother leaned against his father's chest as they buried their one and only son six feet under the ground.

Pain.

A lone tear rolled down my cheek as they started to cover his coffin with the soil. He is really gone. I put my hand over my mouth and sobbed against it silently.

A warm arm wrapped around my body and pulled me closer to them, "I don't know what to say to you, Hazel" Leila said sadly as I wailed against her. Her hand ran up and down my back, trying to offer me some sort of comfort that I didn't deserve.

I shook my head, "No words can put my heart at ease now" I said in between my sobs.

Leila let out a sad sigh, "I am sorry" She whispered.

I pulled away from her and shook my head, "No I am sorry" I said, wiping the tears away from my face using the sleeves of my blouse, "I am sorry that I came into his life and ruined everything" I cried out brokenly, glancing at his parents, "If it wasn't for me, he would be still alive" I added, my heart clenching in unimaginable pain.

I do not think my own death will be this painful. The death of someone who is dear to us is much more hurting than death itself.

Leila grabbed the sides of my arms and turned my body to face her, "That's nonsense, Hazel" She said, glaring down at me. Her eyes were glassy, "You had nothing to do with this" She said sternly and I refused to believe that.

I am the reason that he is gone.

But Leila doesn't understand that "Sure, that's what you will say to make me feel better now" I sniffed, looking at her.

Leila shook her head at me in disapproval, "Alright, let's not talk about what had happened in the past" She said, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards one of the benches, "You and I both know that we can't change what had happened" She said, pulling me down to sit on the bench.

We both fell silent for the next few minutes. Occasionally, I would sniff and Leila would glance my way in concern. But other than that, we didn't talk about anything.

Leila cleared her throat, making me snap my head up to look at her, "Want to what was the amazing news that he wanted to share?" She asked me, piquing the curiosity in me.

I stared at her, baffled, "Did he tell you?" I asked her, in hopes she would tell me that he did.

Leila's lips curved into a sad smile and she nodded her head at me, "Yes he did" She said before taking her handbag in her hands and fishing for something in it, "I believe this is for you" She said, taking out an envelope from her bag.

I stared at her warily as she held the envelope out at me. She encouraged me to take the envelope from her hand. Sighing, I took the envelope from her hand. I looked down at it and noticed that it was addressed to me from a college.

Gingerly, opened the envelope and read the letter with my eyebrows furrowed together in confusion and concentration.

This would have made me the happiest girl on the planet only if Enzo was alive and well.

I looked up at Leila, "I got accepted into a college?" I asked, my voice was absent of any excitement.

Leila smiled and nodded her head, "With full scholarship" She added making me let out a gasp. I looked back at the paper in my hands again, reading everything over and over again.

This must be a twisted nightmare.

I gasped and looked up at Leila again, "No-" I started and paused, trying to find the right words to say, "I mean how did that happen?" I asked her, waving the letter in my hand.

Leila let out a sad sigh again and her eyes flickered towards the spot where Enzo was being buried now, "Enzo actually went to your school a couple of months back and managed to get some of your certificates" She said, looking at me now, "Then he had sent them to a college in Dawson City" She added when I didn't say anything.

She waited expectantly for me to say something but I remained quiet, "He was actually coming to give you the acceptance letter but sadly he didn't get the chance to give you in person" She continued making that familiar pain clench around my heart again.

Enzo...

I looked at the paper again before my whole body trembled. I started crying again, getting emotional for the most thoughtful thing someone had ever done for me.

Who is going to do spare a minute to do something like this after this?

"Hey shhh," Leila pulled me into a hug, running her hands up and down behind my back again.

Tears started running freely down my cheeks again, "He did this for me?" I asked, "Oh god..." I gasped for breath as my heart clenched over and over again in agony.

I felt Leila nod her head at me, "Now all you have to do is to join that college and live the life your way" She said, stroking my hair, "The way he had always wanted" She added, pulling her body away from me just enough to look at my face.

"I can't -" I blubbered, "I can't move on from this" I shook my head, "From him" I cried out looking at the spot where he was buried.

Leila put one hand under my chin and forced me to look at her, "Time will heal almost everything honey" Her eyes was soft and sorrowful, "If you stay here then you will be thinking about only him" She reminded me and that was true.

I nodded my head at her, sniffing Leila smiled in approval before glancing down to look at her watch, "Alright, I have to go now" She said, gathering her handbag in one hand, "Do you need a lift?" She asked me but I shook my head in answer.

"No" I whispered, looking away from sorrowful eyes, "I want to stay here for a little while" I added after taking a deep breath.

I had to be here a little while longer to accept this bitter truth and swallow it once and for all.

From the corners of my eyes, I saw Leila nodding her head at me, "Okay, take your time honey" She said, patting down on my shoulders before leaving me alone in the cemetery.

I sighed and put the letter inside my bag before clutching a single rose against my chest.

Nothing lasts forever.

His parents left after laying a bunch of roses on the ground in front of his grave. After they are gone, I stood up from where I was sitting before striding towards his grave.

Once I reached his grave, I crouched down in front of his grave and dug my hand into the soil. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to rein in all those emotions that are swirling in me right now.

"Do you remember the time when we both met for the very first time and I was very rude at you?" I asked out loud as if he is standing right next to me. A sad smile tugged in the corner of my lips as I recalled those moments with my eyes still closed shut, "If someone else was in your position, they would have left me" I added, my eyes flying open to looking at the ground.

My hair fanned around my face as the wind blew softly, the leaves on the trees moved at the breeze and that moment almost sounded like he was chuckling at what I had said.

Enzo...

I put down a single rose that I could afford to buy on the ground, "But you found something in me and you stayed and I will be eternally grateful for the time that I get to spend with you" I smiled down sadly at the ground, "Even it was very short" I whimpered as fresh tears started to fall off from my eyes, hitting the ground beneath me.

I wiped the tears away and took out the envelope from my bag, "This" I said, waving the letter in front of his grave, "I didn't know that you cared this much about my dream" I cried out, clutching the letter against my chest.

"I would go here," I said determinedly as I waved the letter again, "I will everything behind but the memories that I had with you here" I added, nodding to myself as I plotted the next stage of my life. The trees moved again, the leaving shaking as if they agreed with what I had said.

I would leave everyone and everything.

"I would fulfill your last wish," I said standing up from the ground and putting the letter in my bag again, "I will love you eternally" I promised before turning around and marching towards my house.

This is not goodbye. He is here with me with every step I take. Just invisible to the naked eye.

Once I reached the house in a record of time, I made sure my father was not home before throwing everything that I owned in a small duffel bag quickly. I took the money stash that I had hid from my father and stuffed it inside my bag.

Taking a pen from the table, I quickly scribbled a note for my father.

Do not look for me, I am leaving you for good.

I put a hundred dollars over the note and left the house, not even bothering to lock the door behind me. I would not waste my time caring for someone who doesn't give a flying s**t about me anymore.

I had enough with that irresponsible

This is not my life anymore. Starting now, I am a new person and I would live the life I had wanted.

I went straight to the train station and bought myself a ticket to Dawson City, leaving my hometown for good. I took out my handphone and stripped the sim card off from it before chucking it into the garbage bin as the train started to move.

Enzo...

I shuddered at the thought of him. I will love him forever. He will always be my number one man for as long as I shall live.

The train picked up the speed, heading towards something that I had always dreamed about doing. Something that I have always wanted all along since I was a small child.

I took a deep breath and watched the trees whizzing past us. I don't know what is waiting for me at Dawson city but whatever it is, I had a good feeling about it.

Whatever it is, I am going to conquer it.

Enzo is not going to come back but I would keep him alive in my thoughts. He will be the driving force for me at Dawson City.